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Mental health

I’m going to deal with this alone!

I can do this,

I don’t need to call anyone,

I don’t need to reach out,

I can deal with the emotions this brings up alone,

I’m strong.

I can do this!

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Mental health

I hate being told what I can and can’t do with my life, but why do I need reassurance and someone to decide for me?

I think this all goes back to my upbringing,

It was really really tough

Even now all my sister rely on my mum we have too. I do if too, but I don’t want to any more and I’m going to break the cycle!

I’m getting my own life that doesn’t need to be controlled by anyone!

I’m moving in with my life and I hope I can inspire the girls to do that too!

We got this. I got this!

I’m more than being told what I can and can’t write on a message, I need to think for myself and not need reassurance from anyone.

I will a job and I will have a dragon as a pet if I want too.

Im an adult I can’t make the mistakes and achievements in my life and own them. Being responsible!

I don’t care if she is taking the ckntrol and not showing me the letter, what will it change by reading it.

I don’t think I’m cutting them off I think I am just taking control of my life. I will decide what energy I allow in my life!

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Mental health

Meet my new family member!

Welcome stitch (titch) to my family.

Titch!

A family member was rehome Stitch (titch) a Rankins dragon.

He is perfect, so cuddly and calming.

I was so brave with picking him up and cleaning out his home. And dealing with bugs.

But I will do it for him. He is perfect.

Categories
Mental health

First shopping trip since lockdown!

I did it.

The last shopping trip I made to the supermarket was in February 2020.

It was horrible and so confusing, this is when the one way systems care in and all the rules and changes. It caused a panic attack.

I hadnt been in to a shop since then.

But on Sunday. I did it. I went to a shop with support from a family member.

It was still scary but I did it. I felt so good walking out of that shop !

I got some cool things,

Blackjack ice lollies, galaxy bed sheets and an alpaca charging lead.

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Mental health

Cbd bath

I had a bath with cbd!

It was amazing!

I feel so relaxed now. So calm, my body is so smooth and my mind is free!

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Mental health

Having a bad body image day!

I feel like I look like and elephant.

My legs are huge and shaped with fat.

My tummy is bloating and tight in my jeans.

My face is ugly.

My arms wobble,

I’m just so misshapen and disgusting!

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Mental health update

Been discharged a week, what have I been up too…

So today marks a week out of inpatient.

I’m so glad I’m home.

I thought it was going to be a lot easier than I’ve actually found it.

I’ve been very lonely and started to use old coping mechanisms.

Today is the first day I’ve felt in control.

So I’ve worked through my todo list, and now I’m having a bath, and listening to my favourite songs.

I’m starting to look after my appearance.

My job has moved a lot further, both references are done and the occupational health assessment has been done. I’m waiting for the report of that to come back and then a start date.

I’m scared in case it doesn’t happen and go through because of my mental health but I feel 100% ready to do this job.

I’ve seen my family this week, which I will admit has been pretty stressful, but it was still nice to see them.

I’ve been the the animal therapy farm and had a cuddle with a ducklings. I had an amazing time.

I’ve started to work on loosing weight and getting healthy.

It’s been so lovely seeing and BBC spending time with my cats.

So overall I think things are going ok and I can’t wait to start living not just surviving!

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Mental health

Alone, and scared.

I’m scared, I’m alone, I don’t know what to do!

It’s the first time since discharge that I’ve been alone in the flat.

Although I’m choosing to be here alone it’s terrifying.

I feel I can’t ask for help or chat to anyone.

It’s isolating!

I’m drowning in the silence!

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Discharged off my section. But the hard work is still to come.

The truth of what’s been going on…

So about four weeks ago I was sectioned after 4 mental health Acts in a month or so.

Things got bad real quick.

I do admit now that it was probably because I messed around with medication, then kept forgetting and then drinking too much alcohol, and then not being able to control the voices and attempting to take my life in so many different ways, and too many times.

I was then sectioned which was horrible.

I hated every second of it.

I was restrained and injected 3 times, because of refusing medication, I was too scared to move, eat or even talk to the staff.

It was a terrifying 3 and a bit weeks.

They finally discharged me yesterday after wardround on Thursday. With the agreement I was going to my parents. I think the staff thought I was staying there for the weekend, there were phone calls between my dad and nurses and I think we all got a bit confused.

Either way I’ve been at my parents on and off. I find it so stressful here and looking forward to going home tomorrow and staying there on my own for a bit.

I was hoping someone would comment on my weight considering I’ve lost quite a lot since they all saw me a month ago, but no. So I guess I’m still a fat ugly creature.

I need to work on my weight so much now as I’ve been told quite a bit if news one that I can currently share and that is my DBS check came through the post with nothing wrong with it. I was scared with my recent police sections 136, being on there but luckily it’s all clear!!!!! So hopefully I can start my job soon I’m just scared as I think I’ve lost my driving license for 3 months until I can prove I’m stable. But I’m still hoping to start my job as soon as possible.

I’m hoping so much that this will all work out but with the amount of stress I already feel and how scared, worked up and confused I am I’m not sure I can get through this.

Surely it has to get better from here?

This is what I keep reading at the moment.

The crisis team were meant to be calling or visiting but haven’t heard from them at all.

Then I think next week my cpn is calling Monday and then the dreaded depot of medication on tuesday.

Honestly, I’m not even sure I’m going to go and have it. I don’t want to be injected and I hate the fact it’s out of my control. I’m going to ask if I can go back to the tablet form. They can’t force me to have the depot now that I’m not sectioned!

But for now I just need to try and get through this next hour, or even minute.

I need to get things back on track, surely things can only get better from here?

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Mental health mental health blogger

Things haven’t been going to plan!!!

I’ve now currently been on section 2 in an acute psychiatric ward for three weeks, leaving the ward once to go on escorted leave with staff.

Yesterday I got some good news that I’ve been waiting months for… my dbs check is done and it means I’m a Step closer to starting the job, that’s if they still want me! I really hope they do it’s my dream job.

I need to start focusing on the positives not just the negatives.

On Thursday I have a discharge meeting in ward round with my care co. So hopefully I can be discharged on Thursday although I doubt it as they don’t like discharging at the end of the week but my section runs out a week today. So I hope something gets sorted quickly!

I’m having some really unusual dreams at the moment.

I’ve decided I’m going to stick with having the depot haloperidol as it works for me and I need to be well for work.

I don’t know if you can tell but I’m quite excited about this as I’ve been waiting months…

Only down side is I’ve lost my driving license for 3 months. :/ so I will have to figure a different way to get to work if it starts before then.

I think things are going to be ok, I really do!