Month: August 2015

no phone, what will i do. My phone has completely broke do I can’t call or text anyone. Which is slightly annoying and worrying! I’m constantly on my phone so not having it now makes me feel very lost and out of reach with the out side world! I’m sure it’s not that big of a deal but hopefully I will get my new one soon. Xxx 

I suffer from a lot of anxiety, which mainly gets worse if i have to go out and night time. i am on medication for anxiety but its not really helping at the moment so im struggling to get through each day. At the moment i take cloneazapam 2 x 500 micrograms x 2 daily. It isnt working well enough for me to feel comfortable in my own flat or go out alone. I have in the past been on lorazapam but i overdosed on that and ended up in a&e. All that happened was i was sick and very sleepy. But before i overdosed that was the best working one taking 4 times a day. Im hoping to speak to my new Psych doctor about my anxiety and any medication that will work better than the current one. i also know that if i go in to therapy that will make me more anxious and i will need to be able to control this to carry on and get better and finish the course of therapy.

I used to be anorexic and now i am overweight. This is due to the kind of medication i am on anti-psychotics and the alcohol i was drinking to self medicate when my medication wasnt working as well for me. I was drinking about half a bottle of vodka, malibu or sambuca a day and was making my self very sick from it, but at the time it was the only was i could get through a day. Otherwise my anxiety would be too high i wouldnt be able to leave my bed, or find the motivation to tidy my flat. Ive tried a lot of medication in my past and the anti-psychotics that ive tried are,

flupenthixiol, which is the one i gained over three stone with. i had injection and tablets

quetiapine- on now and i have been on it in the past but i stopped it due to really bad palpations but currently it is working really well apart from added anxiety and sleep problems.

risperidone- i had was one of the first ones i tried.

zuclopenthixol- i had injection and tablets

arripiprazol- i had the injection and tablets.

olanzapine- had really bad headaches with this one

i think that is all of them. from the anti-psychotic group of medications.

Ive just joined a gym so hopefully i can loose the weight i have put on and get fitter as my general health is pretty shocking.

Here are some pictures of my reborn Joshua, he is very special to me. I some times treat him like a real baby and this helps me to see the responsibility a baby could be. it also teaches me how to look after myself and reminds me to change my clothes. I have had Joshua for many years but only recently have i been able to find comfort and support in him. I love cuddling him and changing him. I take him out on walks and the last picture i have included was this weekend i took him to the beach. i know he is a doll deep down but he just gives me that little extra support and encouragement to leave the flat. i love taking him with me when i go for walks or having him on the sofa with me while i do the tidying. Some people don’t agree that a nearly 23 year old should have a doll and treat him like a baby but its my choice and he helps me so i think he is a positive thing in my life. i love my Joshua. Joshua also helps me as i feel responsible for my brothers death, so by having Joshua to love and cuddle i can feel an emotional attachment.

This week I had a positive meeting with my care worker. This was because the funding for the gym was approved so last night I joined a gym close by , this is great so I can start loosing weight from the medication that I put on loads of weight. I actually joined in at the gym yesterday and it was brilliant. I found it physically challenging as I’m still aniemic but I loved it I felt so positive after the session I spent 45 minute there which is brilliant and this morning I woke up and weighed myself as usual and I had lost 2.2lbs so I’m very happy! We also spoke about this website and I gave my care works the address. Hopefully it can help them to understand me a little more! I do feel like my problems get pushed away especially when I’m harming as everything is then focused on that instead of my visions and voices! My care worker also brought me my medication I’m allowed 7 dats worth at the moment! I’m trying to wean myself off zopiclone but it truly helps when I do take it. I have a very broken sleep if I don’t take zopiclone. Zopiclone is a sleeping tablet by the way! 

I’m hopefully meeting them the end of September so we can review my medication and how things are going. It’s a good sign I’m not seeing them straight away shows I’m not in a crisis at the moment. I have been in a lot of crisis where I’ve seen the doctor really quickly or they’ve actually came to me as I was too scared to leave the flat. I’m looking forward to this change although my old psych doctor was very good it will be nice to see things from a fresh view. I’m hoping to get my driving license back as when you go in to a pysch hospital you loose it for three months so by the time I see this new doctor they can tell me if I’m ready to reapply and hopefully get driving again. I really miss it, and now my medication has stablished me I hoping it will be a yes. 

So weekends a family member takes me away for little breaks for example to a beach or a waterfall. It’s a nice break from reality and things going on in my head it also gives me a new perspective on my life and where I want it to head. I don’t want to be stuck in this mental health place all my life I want to make something of my self either helping people like me or children with special needs. I think I would like these jobs in the future to give me something to look forward too and help others. If I could help others who are going through the same mental health problems it will give me a big satisfaction and hopefully help them. At the minute I’m not able to work due to my mental health problems. But there is hope for the future if I can stop self harming and suicide attempts. These weekends and days away are great as they get me out of the flat and walking so some exercise. 

These are my beautiful cats who help me very much, xx They help me not to feel lonely. They help me to feel loved and I love caring for them it gives me a responsibility. And a purpose to get up in the morning! 

i find it very difficult to leave my flat at all. i can only just manage it if i have some one i really trust with me. but this really does effect my daily life im unable to do things people my age dont even give a second thought too. I try to make orangements for friends to come over but it’s just so hard when they have to come to mind ba use I’m too scared to leave the flat with them. As I just hot a new gym membership I’m hoping this will help aid me out of the flat and do something productive. Esspecislly something that will help me loose weight! 

   
   These are the pieces of paper my doctor did for me to join the gym. Yesterday I got funding to join a gym so I went to my closest one and signed up. I spent 45 minutes there and hoping to do more today as I lost 2.2 lbs over night! On these letter it has the diagnosis on that my doctor has been given. And some recent sections 2. And self harm.