Month: January 2016

Took my car back to the garage because it’s still not working right, I had a drive round tesco car park and it was amazing. Felt so glad to be back on the road. Feel lost without my car although j only had it less than a day. Having a tough day because of the dates. But I’m trying my best to stay strong, i could quite easily harm! 

Went to look at a car and brought it but it broke down on way home, it’s been a rolls coaster of a day. Was hoping I could make it positive especially with the dates of tonight. I’m struggling! 😦 

I got my driving licence back, only for a year but I’m so happy. I’ve improved enough to have it back. I looked after mum again today as she is still ill so didn’t get much tidying done, but so happy that I get rewarded with my driving license I kept praying and God listened! 🙂 

Today I was up early as I got a call from my dad needing me to help him look after mum and one of my sisters as they were ill and he needed to work. It was a very busy day. I feel lethargic now. So gonna go to bed early.  

Today I had therapy didn’t really want to go but I did and I took Joshua. It was a very emotional time and I’m not really sure how I should act or feel. I did cry and i feel so weak for that, and embarrassed. Not sure how I feel about going back next week, I’ve also just come to meet a get healthy coach I’m here an hour and half early. Talk about egar! Thought it was going to take a lot longer to get here. The healthy coach was really good gave me a weekly chart to fill in about what I eat and drink. So an okay end to the day.  

My CPN came over today and we had a chat and she gave me my weekly medication, I have taken my medication today but I hate doing it so much. I really want to stop medication but I know life gets so much harder when I stop. I’ve cuddled Joshua most of the day, and I called my therapist to see if I should go tomorrow and she says yes so I will go and Joshua’s coming with me. I’m scared it’s going to push me over the edge and I may harm but I will try my best not too. I’m struggling to sleep well at the moment, and I haven’t opened the curtains because I’m scared of the weather, it’s really windy and rainy. It’s really scarey. I’ve got to try and stay strong!  

Today I spend my day with Joshua, love him. Had a day not doing much, although a big achievement is I changed clothes and had a bath. I did a little tidying, and I’m really anxious. I’m worried about the anniversary that is coming up, and I’m worried I might self harm but I’m going to try and stay calm.  

Had an okay day, did a bit of tidying had a walk with Joshua. Ive lost 0.7 kg today. My mum came over for a little with my sister, she loves my cats! I did a bit on the wii a bit if running and a few balance tasks.  

I’ve got a really bad head ache, and I don’t feel well haven’t done too much today. Cuddling Joshua as we speak. Saw my family which was really lovely. Having my fav for dinner. Look at all that veg…. 

Today I washed up its the first time in ages, I can’t really believe it, I feel really lonely and lost today. Hoping for an okay weekend.