Felt really low and I wanted to hurt myself.
I went to see my doctor today, luckily because my neck is so painful. I went up town and got some painkillers on my own. I did my steps, and cooked dinner. I also spoke to a few friends and family members.
Did my steps,
I’m trying to keep myself busy, because I can feel the spiders crawling over me. But I can’t see them just feel them. I did a video of myself yesterday and it was good to talk through how I was feeling. I’ve desided I want to do videos to help others in similar situations to me. I’m also taking pictures of my body so I can chart the progress I will make.
I didn’t do much today. Did loads of steps, starting to loose weight properly. Hopefully! I’m too fat and ugly.
Today I’m anxious, really anxious. I know it’s just because what the voices are saying. They are commanding me to hurt myself, and I don’t want to, they are telling me I’m not safe from the spies and I know that, but what can I do, I can’t stay in because I’m constantly worried about people getting in and collecting my dna and I can’t go out because there’s too many opportunities for them to take me to collect Dna. I don’t know how I feel about medication and taking it. I’m confused it makes me feel better sometimes but also other times it makes me worse. I need to tidy my flat, but I can’t find the motivation. I’m worried about eating and drinking incase it’s been poisoned. I wish the voices would stop, and then I would be less anxious.