Month: June 2016

Didn’t really do much, went for a long drive, and just chatted, 

It was my littlest sisters birthday party, she had a great time, I took my sisters in my car, and I drove with no problems, was pretty happy I was trusted. Was lovely to spend time with all my family. 

Didn’t do much, apart went to see family. Had dinner with them. Got a lot going on, and I’m not sure what choice I should make. 

Dad had to get a wasp out of bathroom, had my first wash in ages, still alone as ever. But I have lost loads of weight. Not really looking forward to much, watched my recorded tv programs. Xx

Tough day, got my keys back, completely alone now. Stayed in bed most of the day. 

Well that didn’t go to plan, so I’ve got to think of a better more fool proof plan. I’ve got to deside whether what was said to me is enough for me not to want to be here any more or if I do have s better purpose.

Happy with this result. I guess after listening to how you think I would mess up someone else’s life and that you had no belief in me, really hurt me, but I’m sure you couldn’t care less, so it’s up to me now. What ever I do is my choice, and there’s no stopping this.

It’s show time. Finally can leave this all behind. Over and out. 

Pluse is high, having palpitations, very anxious, and feeling really ill. 

I don’t care what happens, If I die from not taking my medication then at least others will be happy, and free. I must be such a disappointment and burden to everyone! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! 

So yesterday I did loads and load of research on diazepam, the effects on the body and how long it takes to get off a small dose such as 4mg when I’m on 9mg. I was scared, I don’t want to be reliant on something, imagine if my medication couldn’t be found and I had to go cold turkey with no support. Scary right. You can die from this it’s pretty serious. I also looked at videos on YouTube about diazepam withdrawals and they were all really ill and that was with the support of there care team. So my decision is to get my self off this medication asap, no matter how bad I feel I need to keep going. Today I’ve started by only taking 2mg in the morning along with 400mg of quetiapine. I’ve tried to call my psychiatrist so I can have some support with coming off this, and he is too busy to call me back, but at least it’s on the system I asked for their support and I was contacted by a cpn and she just said let me know of any side effects as my psychiatrist is to busy to talk. So I’ve half my diazepam and could quite possibly die. I am scared but it’s got to be done sooner rather than later. Hope to keep you updated. 

UPDATE: been offered an appointment to see psychiatrist. But I’m still going to continue lowering my dosage.