Month: July 2016

I feel so low. It’s becoming clearer and clearer what needs to happen. I don’t deserve to be happy or have a baby.  I deserve to suffer. I can feel it in the presence of other people. I’m not liked/ or wanted. Enough is enough. The foot steps won’t stop! Who is it! I can’t deal with this. 

It’s completely obvious that I’m not liked or wanted or needed! Please watch your video of you that you have any doubts about euthanasia, it’s the best thing for everyone! You do not belong here any longer and there’s no point feeling this pain and torture, to be ignored! 

End of!

Today I’ve been thinking very seriously about euthanasia, and where to get it, and what plans I want to make in preparation for going a head. I really need a break. I got upset because my cats chewed through my special head phones, im scared and feel like I want to be alone, but then being scared that I’m alone. I can tell I’m letting everyone down around me. But hopefully I make the choice to go a head with euthanasia and make everyone happier. 

Didn’t really do much. Got my I conquered my marathon, pin so happy about that, my blood pressure is low. 

I’m scared, but I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. 

My support worker came round we had a good chat, I also finished off the bed room and had my hair cut, so was a good day. 

I went to see my younge cousin, and had a lovely time. Then dealt with a tesco shop alone and then made a start on the mould in the bedroom. X 

My cpn came over and stayed a long time which was good, we got to talk about a lot. I’ve done loads to get rid of the mould. My room is a mess. I don’t feel very well, headache and really dizzy. 

Today I started to clean up the bed room, got a dehumidifier and it filled up really quickly. Went to the doctors I’ve got to have a blood test and X-ray because of my breathlessness. Had a good appointment. Also phoned about the counselling but there’s a 4 month wait. Arranged to go and see my cousin on Wednesday so happy about that. Felt very dizzy today. 

Went to the beach, was really nice, had an ice cream.