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It’s not just as easy as get up go out. 

Why does everyone one think it’s just as easy as getting up dressed and then go out. 

Where do I get motivation from, I just want to take loads of pills curl up and cry. 

No one understands, the pain and upset I feel. 

I want to be normal and be able to get up and go out. I just can’t. 

Tomorrow I was hoping to have a new start but i think it will be impossible. 

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I’m leaving. I’m not safe. 

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Friday 30th September 2016

Woke up feeling a bit rubbish, weight isn’t good, and I’m determined to get it back down. Took medication this morning. And I’m looking forward to a call from my gp. Got alot to do today but not really sure where to start! Tomorrow is my new start. I’m doing it for my brother and myself. I finially want to start living and not just surviving. 

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Am I reaching the end…?

How do you know how much more you can take? When is enough enough? 

I think I’m near the end, but how do you know for sure! 

Do I want help? Or do I just want to be alone. To be honest I think 💭 I will be alone I don’t have much choice about that. 

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Thursday 29th September 2016

I called my cpn for help and none was given. It was a pointless call they don’t care about me and how I feel, what sort of care team are they? Basically I’ve had enough of them. 

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Wednesday 28th September 2016

My care worker came over but didn’t really help or get any where. I took another overdose but not enough to kill me. 

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“I need help.” We aren’t going to help you!

My care team have been getting progressively worse with listening and helping. 

I’ve been asking for help and support but no one is listening or helping. Basically I’m fed up about there lack of understanding and listening, 

I’m making a change right now, I gave them a chance and the choice to help me but, they failed miserably. So it’s over to my hands. 

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27th September 2016

Saw care worker denyed all help and felt bad, was very anxious and suspicious. But I later called back with a letter I had wrote. I also took to many pills. 

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Monday 26th September 2016

Sold some more clothes. 

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There telling me to leave. I’m not safe here.