Is it better to be lonely on your own or be lonely in company? 

For days now I’ve been feeling alone in company, but now I’m on my own and feel lonely again. I always hate the new year, but today has been the worst day in along time. I’m seeing in the new year on my own. I guess by being on my own means I can do what ever I want, and I intent too. 


Last day of 2016.

What a rubbish day. It all started off well but then quickly changed one of my sisters said something that really hurt and upset me. I know my family are all together right now waiting for the new year countdown, while I’m at my place, feeling really low. I don’t feel I can go over there and celebrate with them because of what was said earlier. I also tried to get in contact with an old school friend but haven’t heard anything back. At the minute I’m trying to decide whether or not I want to be on my own. In some ways I do because I don’t feel worthy of anyone’s company and I feel like a waste of space. 


Friday 30th December 2016

Went to go to a local museum but it was busy so decided not to go in. Went to my parents and saw my uncle, but had a really bad head ache so came Home for a bit. Can not believe it but I go to my lowest weight in years, just in time for the new year. Spent the evening at my parents and had a really good time. Made it feel worth while. 


Thursday 29th December 2016

Collected my iron tablets. Did a food shop. 

Can’t really remember what else I did.   

Anxiety Diary Emotionally unstable personality disorder Health Medication Mental health Personality disorder Schizophrenia self harm Uncategorized Voices Weight

2016 things I’ve achieved this year.

I reached my Weightloss goal.

Back in to healthy weight.

Went in the sea.

Got a new tattoo.

Had no admittance to hospital, or psych ward.

Saved a lamb from running away.

Went to a shop on my own.

Tinkbell my cat more cuddly.

I got new glasses.

Got my driving licence back.

Got a car.

Achieved a month of 5000 steps minimum.

Been more active and going to gym.

Gave a lot of clothes to charity.

Saw massive dominos fall down.

Had my hair cut at hairdressers.

Did a British heart foundation sponcered mile a day for a month.

Hand making presents for family.

Went to an award ceremony for my sister.

Did a blog post for every day of they year.

Saw a shooting star.

Made ballon models
2016 was an okay year, learnt a lot about myself in therapy, and on a medication which seems to be helping me. I achieved a lot of things I didn’t even think about at the beginning of the year. I’ve got a lot of things I’m not looking forward to in the year of 2017, but I will approach it with open arms, here’s to a good new year. Happy new year to my followers. 

Anxiety Emotionally unstable personality disorder Mental health Personality disorder Schizophrenia self harm Voices

Scars and family. 

I have loads of scars, most all self inflicted injuries. But I don’t feel comfortable enough to wear a short sleeve top in front of my family. I wish I did sometimes. I have younger sisters and I’m worried what they would think. I’m worried it may give them ideas. I hardly wear short sleeves any more and if I do I wear a jumper over it. I wish I didn’t have to. Sometimes I see my scars as my battle wounds and other times I wish I didn’t have them. It’s very difficult. One day I hope they will have faded enough for me to wear short sleeves and not worry about them. 


Wednesday 28th December 2016

Today things feel like there getting a bit more normal, I feel better physically and feel like I’m finial getting over my cold and headaches. Off to the shops today to see what I can do for the baby fish I’ve caught, to see how to look after them properly. Hopefully they survive. 


Tuesday 27th December 2016

Woke up feeling really ill, massive headache and feeling sick. Was meant to be looking at a car but didn’t go as dad doesn’t think it’s the right one. Had a little nap and feel much better. Now thinking of going to my parents to spend some time there. It’s my nans birthday who is no longer here, I miss her a lot. 


Monday 26th December 2016

Was meant to be going to a beach but went to see my family. Played a game with my little sister. Went for a drive and on the place were I was going to walk saw something that wasn’t very nice. Still feeling shook up from it. Watched a tv program which made me laugh. 


Sunday 25th December 2016

Had a really emotional day, not sure how I feel about it, was really suicidal and kept crying, was too much for me.