Fighting the urge

I want to harm, really badly. I want to harm and take loads of medication and/or alcohol. The only thing is i want to go for a drive later, and do things that would be classed as normal if i do, swimming. Im hoping if i can keep my thoughts under control and try not to harm. I need to try my best to ignore the voices, they are really controlling to me. I wish i felt a bit more in control. I’ve taken some medication which is helping. But the spyders are back ally. There every where. I’m not safe. The birds gone. Where?