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Why was I admitted to an acute psychiatric hospital?

I believe it was a planed plot to get me in to hospital so that they can do what ever tests and gather information about me that they want. I feel safe and unsafe, mainly from the staff. 

I did have an incident when I was here one night, things just got too much for me, but I think that's for another blog post. 

I was just going for an outpatient crisis appointment planned meeting with my psychiatrist and community psychiatric nurse, and cousin/carer. 

I did not for one second think walking in to this hospital for normal meeting that I wouldn't be able to leave. I didn't say good bye to my cats or have there food out and plans in place. 

I was so shocked I walked from the outpatient floor to the acute psychiatric inpatient ward, with out thinking or even remembering how did I get here, I think a few days later it final set in that I was here and sectioned under the mental health act and that I wouldn't be able to leave and have no idea of when I will get out? 

Cats Mental health

My cat Tiger holding my hand on the way back from the vets.

He was treated and he is doing good. I love it that he put his paw on me. Love you Tiger.

Dad Mental health

Happy 50th Birthday Dad. 

Today my dad is 50 years old. 

I'm at my parents house, it's my dads 50th Birthday. This is a big deal to me, and it's not going perfectly. I'm struggling. 

I can't wait to give him his gift and I so want a photo with him. I hope he doesn't say no. I'm really scared to ask him. 

Mum messing him around and making it a big deal about her, 

Can she not just let dad have one day to himself.

That was wrote two weeks ago on his birthday but didn't get round to publishing it. In the end it went really well he like his presents, we planted the rose together and I managed to have a photo with him. It's a photo that looking at it brings me happiness. I love you dad. Hope you had s good birthday.

Mental health

My reborn Joshua.

Mental health Sisters

Blow art.

Anxiety Mental health

Skydive, and anemia.

When I came out of hospital and off my section, I said to myself, I will do a sky dive to feel alive and free.
This is turning out to be complicated as there's a fair amount of paper worries. And work on my body. I need to have normal blood results but I've very anemic levels of blood.

Iron tablets, I try to take but the does I'm prescribed makes me feel really odd, and especially sick, I hate the task it makes me taste.

So it looks like I've got a little bit further to get up to a healthy range.

I'm trying my best.

Emotionally unstable personality disorder Health healthy Mental health Personality disorder psychosis scared Schizophrenia Voices Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

Been out walking.

This is Dangerous I'm being told, I think it's because I get so distracted by the voices I forget where I am, how I got from one place to another and I forget to check the roads as I cross. I crossed in the middle of the road by a bus, I just forgot to look.

Walking too far, I've tried to walk a lot to feel free, and safe. But I'm trying to figure out do I feel safer inside or outside.

Physically feeling faint and weak, I still try and push myself but it's hard to remember the length I've walked I've got to do again to get home.

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Thankfully discharged 2 weeks ago off my section.

I lie to get out it it's only me that looses as I still feel like rubbish whether I'm in hospital or home.

Medication change was the plan but I'm just starting to be able to loose the weight again. So do I really want to mess that up again?

Mental health

Fudge our old family dog. X

I know you've been gone years, but I still really love and miss you. Hope your sleeping peacefully.

Anxiety Emotions family Happy Mental health reborn Sisters

Last weekend of July.

This was the last weekend of July and we're back to Monday and the usual routines.

I was planning on spending Saturday on my own but in the end my sister texted me saying all three of my sisters are going bowling do I want to join. At first I was thinking no as mum had upset me the previous day, but that doesn't mean I should take it out on my sisters, so I went.

I had a great time, I helped my youngest sister win the second game she was so happy. She went and picked up my drink at the end so I could finish it. I said "thank you", she said, "it's the least I can do, you helped me win" she is only 10 years old, I think that's so lovely.

I then went back to my parents house with them. Had a great time doing blow art, it was so therapeutic, that's what the picture I'm including will be from. So overall a great day.

Then Sunday I had a massive achievement I went in to a shop and did the food shop with a lot of support, but I did it.

Then took my reborn doll Joshua out for a walk. It chucked it down with rain but it couldn't have been more refreshing feeling the rain roll down my face, and feeling free.

Last this to conclude the weekend, I dyed my hair purple. I know it's just gone 3am but I can't sleep.