beach Mental health

I stick out so much on the beach.

It was a lovely summer day yesterday with the sun shining and I was with my family on the beach.

I was the only one wearing thick clothes and a woolly hat, oh and not to forget sunglasses. I must have looked crazy.

Was it to feel safe and secure? or was it because I was cold?

I don’t think you will ever know because I don’t know why?

Anxiety Emotionally unstable personality disorder family Mental health self harm

Scars and children.

I’ve had scars all over my body from self harm for years. But today unexpectedly my youngest sister who’s 10, asked what happened to my arms. I frozen. I had no idea how to explain it to her. She said she remembers me saying it was cats, but I thought about it and said it wasn’t my cats. It was an accident because I have something wrong with my brain.

I had no idea what to say to her, I’m not sure I said or dealt with it in the right way.

I don’t want her to be scared but I also want all of us in my family feel comfortable for me to show my arms.

We take it for granted being able to wear t-shirts with scars.

I’m a little ashamed of them but also glad I’m still fighting this battle.

How would you deal with it?

What would you or have you said to explain self harm scars to children?

Animals Cats Mental health

Yes, my cats are holding paws. 😻

My cats love each other. 😻

beauty Mental health nature

Beautiful butterfly.

I love nature, especially butterfly’s, this was from my parents house garden.

Anxiety family Mental health

I have no fashion sense.

Why do I never feel I dress for the occasion.

I never feel pretty.

My sister are dressed nicely, while I got told leggings and a top was too hot and to change, but I’ve changed into the only thing that’s appropriate summer clothes, that’s my clothes that are men’s (I’m a woman) and what I wear to go to bed. I look and feel so out of place.

Later there going in the hot tub, I’m anxious about this because of my scars from self harm. They upset my sister. Which I can understand but it also upsets them when I don’t join in. CANT GET ANYTHING RIGHT!

Thinking shall I just take some medication and try to chill.

Mental health

I need to get this out…

Basically this just to get out all my thoughts.

I spend this morning out with my family, I’ve then come back to their house, all my sisters are here. The two youngest live here, and the one with the baby has basically moved in. So I’m left out a lot with meals, talks they have and watching tv together. BUT I think they like it this way.

I’m here now and feel so out of place, that I don’t know what to do.

Will I ever fit in or be good enough for them?

If I have a “normal” life, with a husband and baby, will I fit in then? Or is it just me?

I don’t think I will ever find out the answer.

Mental health

I feel like no one.

Can you hear me when I’m talking to you?

Can you see me trying to get your attention?

Can you feel my presence?

I’m here, hello?!

Mental health Sisters

What being a big sister means to me?

I haven’t been much of a big sister too all three younger sisters. I’ve been so wrapped up in my illnesses to spend time with them and look after them.

Yesterday I had the chance to be a big sister. I did it successfully. She was so happy for my help she asked if we could do loads more things together. This terrifies me, but I will try to step up to the challenge.

I love being a big sister. There is hope. XxxX

Animals Cats Mental health

Hang in there.

angry Anxiety Cpn Daily update delusions depression Diary Disappointment Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions family Future hallucinations Health healthy Medication Mental health Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis scared Schizophrenia self harm Support worker Therapy Voices

It’s wrong!

You don’t care……….it’s wrong!!!!

I was asking why, but just look at me, and There’s the answer!