It was a lovely summer day yesterday with the sun shining and I was with my family on the beach.
I was the only one wearing thick clothes and a woolly hat, oh and not to forget sunglasses. I must have looked crazy.
Was it to feel safe and secure? or was it because I was cold?
I don’t think you will ever know because I don’t know why?
I’ve had scars all over my body from self harm for years. But today unexpectedly my youngest sister who’s 10, asked what happened to my arms. I frozen. I had no idea how to explain it to her. She said she remembers me saying it was cats, but I thought about it and said it wasn’t my cats. It was an accident because I have something wrong with my brain.
I had no idea what to say to her, I’m not sure I said or dealt with it in the right way.
I don’t want her to be scared but I also want all of us in my family feel comfortable for me to show my arms.
We take it for granted being able to wear t-shirts with scars.
I’m a little ashamed of them but also glad I’m still fighting this battle.
How would you deal with it?
What would you or have you said to explain self harm scars to children?
My cats love each other. 😻
I love nature, especially butterfly’s, this was from my parents house garden.
Why do I never feel I dress for the occasion.
I never feel pretty.
My sister are dressed nicely, while I got told leggings and a top was too hot and to change, but I’ve changed into the only thing that’s appropriate summer clothes, that’s my clothes that are men’s (I’m a woman) and what I wear to go to bed. I look and feel so out of place.
Later there going in the hot tub, I’m anxious about this because of my scars from self harm. They upset my sister. Which I can understand but it also upsets them when I don’t join in. CANT GET ANYTHING RIGHT!
Thinking shall I just take some medication and try to chill.
Basically this just to get out all my thoughts.
I spend this morning out with my family, I’ve then come back to their house, all my sisters are here. The two youngest live here, and the one with the baby has basically moved in. So I’m left out a lot with meals, talks they have and watching tv together. BUT I think they like it this way.
I’m here now and feel so out of place, that I don’t know what to do.
Will I ever fit in or be good enough for them?
If I have a “normal” life, with a husband and baby, will I fit in then? Or is it just me?
I don’t think I will ever find out the answer.
Can you hear me when I’m talking to you?
Can you see me trying to get your attention?
Can you feel my presence?
I’m here, hello?!
I haven’t been much of a big sister too all three younger sisters. I’ve been so wrapped up in my illnesses to spend time with them and look after them.
Yesterday I had the chance to be a big sister. I did it successfully. She was so happy for my help she asked if we could do loads more things together. This terrifies me, but I will try to step up to the challenge.
I love being a big sister. There is hope. XxxX
You don’t care……….it’s wrong!!!!
I was asking why, but just look at me, and There’s the answer!
💫 Rosie’s Mental Health Journey 💫 