Month: November 2017

Categories
Mental health

How can I keep myself safe.

Can I?

I don’t feel safe from my self or anyone else???

I hate this hospital, I hope I’ve not got to come back as inpatient.

I’m scared, I know they are spying on me,,, I know I’m not safe here.

I’ve got my music on and I’m signing out of this real world. I’m so anxious I’ve gone in to my own world.

What will happen next?

I hope I don’t see my consultant, or anyone who’s after me. I think there are some I can trust, but it’s trying to figure out what’s going on, who and why?

I want to Escape this world.

I need to go soon… run away, the longer in here the more likely it is to bump in to my care team.

Music 🎧 up on loud and dissociate.

Categories
Mental health

Here again…

Yep it’s Monday, blood test time. The bad side to clozapine.

I’m going to keep positive, I need to keep moving.

Exercise may be the answer to loosing weight while on clozapine. I need to put a lot of effort in to keeping active.

Categories
Mental health weight loss weightloss

Weight gain and loss

Weight this year.

This is in the space of half a year.

Help me loose the weight again!

I no longer want to be fat.

Categories
exercise Food Health healthy Mental health Over weight Overweight Weight weight loss weightloss

Weightloss support me…

I’m really wanting and determined to loose as much weight as possible by 50 days.

How much do you think I can loose and how?

Categories
Mental health

You’d think I’d be used to it already…

Why am I not even second best, I’m the last choice, scrapped off the floor that’s been under every ones shoe.

Categories
Mental health reborn

Snuggling Dylan.

My beautiful baby. Xxxx

Would you have guessed he is a doll?

Categories
exercise family Food Health healthy Mental health Weight weight loss weightloss

I’m going to be a god mother…

This gives me great motivation to get a a weight I’m happy about. I don’t want to look back on pictures of that special day and hate the way I look.

I’ve got 51 dats and. Want to loose at least a stone.

Any help on how to…?

I’m so far trying to keep active and walk. Drinking water, and eating health.

Categories
beach beauty Mental health

Had a Weekend away.

I went to Devon and had a really nice break. It’s a shame that I can’t have a break from my illnesses. But it was still a nice break.

The beautiful sun set.

Categories
clozapine Mental health

1st month on clozapine. 23.10.17-23.11.17

It’s been a month, and a massive rollacoster.

I want this to work so bad, and to have a life worth living.

The good…..

I feel thing were initially clearer until my previous antipsychotic medication was no longer in my system. I stopped taking it a week ago and things seem to be going down hill, currently.

I haven’t put any weight on currently. But my weight is fluctuating daily.

Feel more control about what I choose to eat. This changes sometimes I want to eat everything and then nothing.

The bad…

having blood tests every eeek is a pain, but I think it might be worthwhile.

I’m starting to get sleepy, which I didn’t have at the beginning, but it’s welcomed a little bit as I hadn’t been sleeping great when I first started.

I feel extremely anxious, and it’s an anxiety which I can’t control.

The worst part…

Feeling like everyone else has control over the medication, I’ve always got to be in control.

What I want you to know starting clozapine

There may be times when you want to quit, but keep at it. You can do this I believe in you.

It’s going to be hard, and I thought I wouldn’t get sleepy or weight changes, or less motivation, but it has changed. It’s been a struggle but I’m still fighting for this best life possible.

Current medication—

400mg clozapine

400mg pregabline

2mg diazepam

1.25 bidoprolol

Categories
family Mental health

Photos are now allowed.

My sister wasn’t allowing me any photos with my niece but after dropping her phone down the toilet and loosing all her daughters photos from birth we are now allowed photos.

Shame she had to learn the hard way.

I guess I feel there is less tension between us all. Now that it can just be relaxed and normal.