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Current update.

Things are really tough.

I’ve stopped my antipsychotic again.

Seriously self harmed which has left me feeling awful still days later.

My care team have no idea.

I hate my body so much I’ve started taking diet pills.

I’m scared about slot of things right now. I’m not sure I want to live but if I do choose to live I want to live a life off medication, helping others, being healthy and skinny, I’d like to be nice and have a family I can look after and put first.

But right now I’m so torn, how do I get that good life?

What do I do to be happy?

I would love so much to be “normal” and get up to look after a family and then have an amazing job working with alpacas and children with special needs.

I need this good motivation to stay.

I’m scared to go to sleep in case I wake up and it’s gone.

I’m sorry to all the people I have hurt, I really do love you and will make it up to you!

I promise!

Ok I better wake up and get on with living this amazing life. I can do this!!!!!

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