Went awful!
Never been so certain of something.
👋 bye 👋
Month: April 2020
Categories
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Is this good for my mental health living back at my family home.
I’ve moved to my family home for a while while the lock down is on.
I feel lonely at my flat, I was struggling with my mental health and to keep myself safe but, at my parents I feel just as bad but sometimes worse sometimes better. But either way right now there is no good choice.
I’m struggling so much with
- disorder eating thoughts,
- anxiety,
- ocd thoughts,
- the voices, although Gods talking to me is reassuring,
- Suicidal thoughts,
- self harm.
I’m struggling with a lot.
I’m not sure what to do to help.
I’ve tried…
- Sticking to healthy eating,
- Drinking less alcohol, although I find sometimes drinking alcohol helps,
- Using things in my self soothe box,
- Calling the mental health team,
- Using the prn I was given,
- Using cbd oil,
- Relaxation playlist on Spotify,
- Podcasts on relaxation and breathing,
- Yoga
Is there anything else I can try, I’m seriously struggling and and help would be appreciated?
What I need to do while I’m at my parents is…
- Ignore the negative comments,
- Ignore the negative behaviour,
- Ignore the sarcastic comments and faces,
- Ignore the attention seeking behaviour from others around me.
Things will be tough while I’m here but it’s ok, it won’t be forever, I need to remember that.
I can survive this rough patch.
I’m so lucky.
This lock down is playing havoc with my mental and physical health.
I’m struggling so much with everything. The every day little things are becoming so hard.
So when this lock down is over, I’m looking forward to…
- Seeing my family,
- Spending time with my niece,
- Meeting this guy I’m talking too,
- Shopping trips without worry,
- Summer round my parents,
- family bbq
- going back to yoga
- Starting work
- Going to creative writing,
- Swimming,
- Visits to the beach,
Am I think I will appreciate these moments much more than I did before all of this.
Categories
Yesterday was not fun!
The mental health team came and did a welfare check. It was safe to say I wasn’t happy, I didn’t let them in or see me and I was pretty angry as they called my dad!
All the things I really don’t want from them they did! Not very happy to say the least!
I told them I want immediate discharge so let’s see how that goes. I hope they never contact or bother me again.
I don’t need them. I have God on my side!
Too many missed calls. Why do they feel the need to get involved. I told them I want them to leave me alone and they haven’t! I’m stressed.
I know what will help and I just need to do that! No matter how much I fight it.
Categories
It didn’t end well.
I left my parents home.
My alcohol got hid it was the only thing keeping me going.
I got really upset.
I went back to my own flat on my own.
I had a tough night but I got through it.
I can survive this low patch.
I think I over reacted but that is how I felt at the time.
I’m sorry!
They have no idea.
My parents aren’t my next of kin they can’t call them and tell them anything!
God is my next of kin!
They are so far away from me!
Don’t try and say sorry because you have no idea what the voices are telling me about you!
I’m better off keeping all this too myself!
God is my protector!
My new care co-ordinator called me today.
It’s started ok until I voiced how much I was struggling and what with.
It ended with us discussing discharge from the adult mental health team service.
Which isn’t helpful considering I called them all week asking for some help and support with struggling and because they aren’t sure how to help we end up with discharge being the option.
I’m struggling to accept the concept that I was asking for help and then it end up with discharge.
I guess maybe it’s for the best but then, I received a text from my new care co-ordinator saying
“So sorry that you found our conversation difficult and you need to talk you can contact us.”
I’m so confused!!! I thought I was being discharged, now I contact them if I need them!
Which one is it?
I don’t know what to do next, should I message back asking what is happening is it discharge or can they help or do just leave it as I have been told I’m getting discharged.
I mean I think it might be the best thing they aren’t able to help in the way I’d find helpful, by changing my medication or adding in a prn that helps.
So maybe I’m meant to end my life, this is just another sign it’s the right thing to do. Only problem is I know I can’t die. (My body won’t die) but it’s worth a try right?
I did it, I feel exhausted and confused but I did it. It went ok.
I got quite dizzy and after I’ve slept a few hours after, but it was good to do something for me and something that’s different.
We focused on something that was positive, even if the moves we were doing were hurting, I found that quite difficult to focus on something positive and that made us happy, but I saw a butterfly in the garden and that helped to think a bit more positively.
🧘♀️
My sister was so kind to me this nearly made me cry, that she spent the time to make this for me.
She is so clever!
I’m so happy. Thank you to my gorgeous sister.
🦙
💫 Rosie’s Mental Health Journey 💫 