Dear Rosie,
You can be stronger than you think. Be brave, push yourself a little harder. Be the person you dream of.
There’s a lot of things you want in life and in this letter I hope you listen to me, you can have that dream life. I believe in you, because I am you!
You know when your laying in bed before you go to sleep you think of all the places you can go and all the things you can do… they are achievable.
Stay strong,
Rosie. XxX
I ran in to the sea with my clothes on.
It was amazing, the sea was warm, and it was a beach in the uk. The uk the sea isn’t normally warm.
It felt so good, I just laid and paddled.
It was brilliant.
Sky dive.
I’d love to sky dive. I’m planning on doing it next year. My psychiatrist is happy to sign me off to do it. I think I want to do it in Devon so I can see the beach.
I’d love to skydive. Feel free. I have done a sky diving experience inside and I loved it.
My weight.
I want my weight to be in the underweight band, on the bmi.
I know what it’s like to be fat, normal and thin. I’ve gone through a mixture of weight differences and I know I want to loose weight from where I currently am.
I’m 145lbs, I’m so ashamed about my weight. My goal is to get to 100 lbs.
To change my weight I need to drink water, exercise more and don’t eat too many sweets and calories.
I wang to change my weight so I’m happy with my body and don’t feel ashamed I feel I will be happier at a lower weight, so that’s the plan.
Next year I’m looking forward too possibly going on a holiday to Iceland. It looks so beautiful and amazing things to see, I hope I do go with my carer. I think it would be a holiday of a life time.
I regret starting to drink alcohol again. Big mistake. I’ve got to loose all the weight I gained with it all over again.
What are you looking forward to for next year?
I would be well, no illnesses!
My life would happy and healthy.
I would have a good relationship with my family, I would have friends and a good job.
I would live in a nice home with my cats, that would never be able to die, so I wouldn’t have to be without them. I’d have Dylan, and I would wake up in the morning and have no voices and no bad thoughts. I’d then go and get breakfast without needing to take medication to get me through the day. I would be in the healthy weight range but thin and look good. I’d have no scars. I’d still have my tattoos and piercings. I’d feel good, I would be confident and outgoing. I’d like to be known for helping people and loving everyone. I’d have no enemy’s, I would have a job I enjoy and that helps people. And come home, make a healthy meal, and be able to go to sleep without medication. I would feel no suspicion, and not be anxious. I would not harm myself and I would be loving to myself. I’d have beautiful long purple hair.
This is people and bands I have seen live.
Does the Queen count.
Akon
Tinchy strider
The script
Ed Sheeran
Boy zone
Steps
Jls
Leona Lewis
Lily Allen
Maroon 5
I’ve seen a lot of famous people, I’m pretty sure there is more but I just can’t remember.
Dylan if you don’t know is my silicone baby boy, I treat him like a real baby, feed, change and cuddle him.
I’ve had a reborn doll since I got my first payment for work, I guess about 9 years ago. As soon as I could work at 15 I did. But now I have Dylan I got him a few months ago. I’ve completely feel in love with him.
I love him so much, he gives me comfort, confidence and love.
I’m a very anxious person and Dylan calms me just by cuddling. He gives me the confidence to go out in public, this is difficult due to my mental illnesses. And I feel love from him.
I have him because I’ve always wanted a baby but I don’t think I will cope with a real baby due to my illnesses and medication. He has no needs and he doesn’t rely on me to live, but I still get the love from him and comfort of a baby.
I also lost my brother to a miscarriage and I feel responsible for his death, I think by having Dylan it gives me some comfort and feel closer to my brother.
This is Dylan.
I started my blog to let out what I’m going through and how I feel, also with this I’m hoping that I’m able to help others.
The first blog posts were introducing myself and my illnesses. And later found that I was just writing about days out and delusions. But with this I’ve received comments where I’ve managed to connect with people. Also the likes and follows mean so much to me so thank you.
I’m sorry if you can relate to my posts about mental illness because I can sympathise how hard it is or can be to cope day to day.
If you read my previous post this may make more sense. But incase you didn’t I’m currently diagnosed with schizophrenia, anxiety and emotionally unstable personality disorder.
I have mixed feelings about my diagnosis, and sometimes this changes minute by minute.
Right now I’m confused about whether I agree with them. I feel like they are being used against me for people in the mental health team to trick me into taking the medication and go to appointments, this way it makes me weaker and they give me medication, I take it because I think it will make me feel better and stronger but in reality it’s making me even more weaker which leads me down the path of thinking what should I do?
I don’t want to feel weak but there’s no way out. I’m stuck in the spiral of them in control!
💫 Rosie’s Mental Health Journey 💫 