WARNING…..…….. REALLY REALLY LONG POST!!!!!!
Talk of…
Today Monday 18th of March 2019 my medication of Clozapine Changing to quetiapine. Im spending the next 3 weeks in the day hospital from 9:30-12:30. I hate it here but if it’s the only way to change my medication then I will push through it.
Why…
- Weight gain
- Blood tests
- Dribbling
- Constipation
- Levels were too high at one point
Day one…..
75 mg morning clozapine
50mg morning quetiapine
Same at 5 and bed time for clozapine
First day. I’ve been in the day hospital over an hour and they have lost my medication, it took them weeks for them to get the medication together and the due date, which is today! So I’m still waiting for them. I’m a little annoyed. Plus I hated the early start. I was there an hour, because no one knew where I was or what I was doing other than taking medication.
Day 2………..
Am- clozapine. 50Mg
Am- quetiapine 100mg
5pm and bedtime
Feel really sick and massive head ache. I went and stayed with my family for some of the day which is a big difference to normal. I don’t normally spend much time with them but I needed their support. I’m going to keep trying to get through this. I am strong!
Day 3………..
Am- clozapine. None
Am- quetiapine 200mg
5pm – clozapine 125mg
5pm- quetiapine none
bedtime- clozapine 175mg
Bedtime- quetiapine none
I was feeling pretty sick yesterday. I had a head ache and been finding it hard to keep my thoughts and feelings hid. I’m really anxious. I spoke to the reverent at the mental health hospital which Ive been going to for my medication. And I trust her and I spoke about how I feel about the spying. I don’t feel safe from the staff at the hospital and I can’t wait until I don’t have to go. I’m feeling better today and I’ve done some house work.
Day 4………..
Am- clozapine. None
Am- quetiapine 50 mg
5pm clozapine 100mg
5pm quetiapine 200mg
bedtime clozapine 175mg
Bedtime quetiapine none.
I went today and got the weekend dose so I don’t have to take it with supervision. I went to collect my new glasses and I’ve been brave and went in a few shops. Currently have a bath. I’ve had my 5pm medication two hours early. I just needed some help so thought it might help.
Day 5………..
Am- clozapine. None
Am- quetiapine 50mg
5pm-clozapine 75mg
5pm- quetiapine 300mg
bedtime-clozapine 175mg
Bedtime- quetiapine-none
Spent some time with my family and sisters. They all talked to me which was nice it was very chaotic. Went shopping and tried to sort out presents for my mum.
Day 6………..
Am- clozapine. None
Am- quetiapine 50mg
5pm -clozapine- 50mg
5pm-quetiapine- 350mg
bedtime- clozapine- 175mg
Bedtime- quetiapine none.
I went to a beach, felt like I wanted to jump off the cliff even though I’m not actively suicidal. When I got home I didn’t feel well at all. I had a head ache and felt like I needed to sleep.
Day 7………..
Am- clozapine. None
Am- quetiapine 50mg
5pm -clozapine 25mg
5pm-quetiapine 350mg
bedtime clozapine-175mg
Bedtime quetiapine-none
Had an okay day, met up with my auntie, I went to the gp about my back pain, she is referring me to physio. The weather is nice. I’m not really sure how I’m feeling, I feel nothing, and everything all in once. I want to drink alcohol for the first time I weeks, but I want to try to get to the gym tonight. The voices are extreme, I’m finding it hard to sort my medications out myself as they all come from different boxes. I hate this. The thoughts and feelings are extreme but also non existent. It’s so confusing. Will the voices ever stop? Will the thoughts stop, will the presence stop. I’m really scared and I don’t know where to turn.
Day 8 ………..
Am- clozapine. -none
Am- quetiapine -50 mg
5pm clozapine -none
5pm- quetiapine- 450mg
bedtime -clozapine- 175mg
Bedtime-quetiapine- none
Bedtime
Struggling a lot, the voices and spying are extreme. The doctor at the hospital talked to me and was worried things are going bad. I don’t know what to do or think. I’m really scared.
Day 9………..
Am- clozapine. -none
Am- quetiapine -50mg
5pm -clozapine- none
5pm- quetiapine- 500mg
bedtime clozapine-150mg
Bedtime quetiapine-none
Had an appointment with my care co-ordinated, psychiatrist and a nurse about my symptoms and medication. They have decided to slow the clozapine down as I’m experiencing side effects, like the spying and voices. I’m really not happy with this but at least the quetiapine is continue to increase daily.
I’m at the sanctuary now ready for a spiritual session. Which went really well, there was a lot of people so I was very uncomfortable but the reverent was very reassuring and helped me through it. I just picked up the medication from the reception at the mental health hospital. I wish things went the way I want them too.
Day 10………..
Am- clozapine. None
Am- quetiapine 50mg
5pm-clozapine none
5pm-quetiapine 550mg
bedtime-clozapine 125mg
Bedtime- quetiapine none
I got the new medication timetable today. I’m really not happy about it but the psychiatrist is not happy that I’m refusing the blood test next week. I spent the day with my one nearly two year old niece and my sister. I actually had a good time. Got some good pictures. I felt like part of the family. Have really had much time with the nurse that gives me medication and I left straight away I know the plan was to go to a group but I was just too scared too. I might try harder tomorrow. The voices are really strong today but I’m trying to block them out which I think I’ve done really well. No one is aware of what I’m hearing. It’s not pleasant.
Day 11 ………..
Am- clozapine. None
Am- quetiapine 50mg
5pm clozapine-none
5pm quetiapine- 550mg
bedtime clozapine-175mg
Bedtime quetiapine- none
I went to the day hospital today to collect my morning medication. I was very scared as there were ants on the floor spying on me and when I was at the bus stop the flies were trying to get in my ears, nose and mouth. It’s made me very parinoid. I also saw an ambulance waiting outside my house I thought they were going to section me and take me away. I’m very suspicious about everything today.
Day 12………..
Am- clozapine. None
Am- quetiapine 50mg
5pm clozapine-none
5pm quetiapine- 600mg
bedtime-clozapine 175mg
Bedtime- quetiapine-none
I went to the Beach and it was lovely, it helped to keep the voices at bay. I did experience a draining feeling in my body which usually means my blood pressure is low.
Day 13……….. sunday
Am- clozapine. none
Am- quetiapine 50mg
5pm – clozapine none
5pm- quetiapine 650mg
bedtime- clozapine 175mg
Bedtime- quetiapine none
Today was Mother’s Day, I felt guilty as my family wanted us all to go swimming but I didn’t want them to see my self harm scars so I made up an excuse. I had a ok day spend it with my sister teaching me her favourite song, my niece wanting to play and then pinching me. She wasn’t in a good mood, I’ve never seen her like that before. I don’t think mum liked her presents, but we tried. I came home to some beautiful flowers and four cards, one each for my cat and then one from my baby Dylan. I’m so grateful.
Day 14……….. Monday 1st
Am- clozapine .none
Am- quetiapine 50mg
5pm – clozapine none
5pm- quetiapine 700mg
bedtime- clozapine 150mg
Bedtime quetiapine- none
Today I went for my morning medication, which I took fine, but they let their guard down and gave me the whole lot. This does mean I could play it and not go in the rest of the week, but I have therapy tomorrow so I think I will tomorrow and then seeing my cpn on Wednesday so I’ve got to go in then too. We will see how I feel.
Day 15……….. Tuesday 2nd
Am- clozapine. Mg
Am- quetiapine mg
5pm and bedtime
I had an appointment with my therapist and it went really well. I think it was the best one yet. She really listened to me and my problems. It was chucking down with rail. My sister picked me up afterwads with my niece and uncle. I hardly see my Uncel but he always says I’m the strongest person he knows. We went to a play centre and it was really good. Then we all went to my parents home. We all had pizza and then chilled. I felt pretty low by the end of the day. The voices were really bothering me.
Day 16……….. Wednesday 3rd
Am- clozapine-none
Am- quetiapine -50mg
5pm clozapine-none.
5pm- quetiapine-750mg
bedtime-clozapine 125mg
Bedtime-
I was meant to see my community psychiatric nurse but I was too late. Then I went to the hospital to take my medication. I said to them I don’t want to come in any more and I’m refusing my blood test. My cpn then called me we had a little chat she said she thinks I’m getting ill again. And asked if I will go into hospital voluntarily, I said no. I then went to the spiritual service. Which I always connect with.
Day 17……….. Thursday 4th
Am- clozapine. None
Am- quetiapine 50mg
5pm – clozapine none
5pm- quetiapine 750mg
bedtime- clozapine- 125mg
Bedtime- quetiapine none
I went and took my medication at the hospital and then I left, I then saw my support worker coming out of the road I just walked she went the opposite way and the turned round looking and I hid in the bus stop. And then there was police with there sirens on, following me I just kept hiding and then got on the bus and got home as quick as I could. I’m home right now but I’m really scared.
Day 18……….. Friday 5th
Am- clozapine. None
Am- quetiapine 50mg
5pm clozapine- none
5pm – quetiapine- 750mg
bedtime clozapine- 125mg
Bedtime quetiapine- none
The hospital was bad and scary, there was a Spyder watching me. I was as quick as possible and I got home really quickly. I’ve found the best of that really scary. I don’t feel settled. I had to re cut my arm and insert the chip. I’m really anxious about them spying on me. A Bug spying on me at my own home. Im scared.,
Day 19….. Saturday 6th
Am-Clozapine-none
Am-quetiapine-50mg
5pm-clozapine- none
5pm-quetiapine – 750mg
Bedtime-clozapine – 100mg
Bedtime-quetiapine- none
Had an okay day. I went to a supture park. I had also tried to get the chip inside my body. It’s really sore now. I went and had dinner at my parents and found out that my family were going away tomorrow without telling me. I feel pretty bad about that. But I hope they have a safe time. It’s been a mixed emotional day.
Day 20… Sunday 7th
am- clozapine -none
Am- quetiapine -50mg
5pm- clozapine-none
5pm-quetiapine-750mg
Bedtime-clozapine-125mg
Bedtime-quetiapine-none
I lost track of all blog posts and everything really.
I was told on the Monday I had a mental health act assessment the next day and this three everything up in the air.
I’m not finished the whole titration now. I’m on 900mg of quetiapine again. So far it’s working well. I feel better than clozapine.
The staff were a nightmare. It was also a big problem to try and get my medication to take home sorted. No one knew what was happening and who was giving the medication and how much.
Now my doctor is meant to be taking over with prescribing my medication, I don’t think she will be able to do it but if not some one from the mental health hospital will have to take over.
I had also forgot to take my pregabline for over two weeks I think this made my anxiety worse and I had a few withdrawal symptoms while also Changing medication. It’s difficult to know if it was the medication change or withdrawals.
It also took 5 weeks instead of the original 3 weeks that we thought!
💫 Rosie’s Mental Health Journey 💫 