Category: Diary

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Update… sectioned!

Sorry for lack of updates and the long post!

I’ve been sectioned on section 2 of the mental health act.

I’m not 100% sure why other than refusing antipsychotic medications!

Since being in this psychiatric hospital on a locked ward I’ve escaped twice and needed escorted to a & e by two members of staff due to concussion!

Day one I was in seclusion with a rip proof dress and blanket, NOTHING ELSE! I was stripped naked in front of lots of staff restraining me! I was in seclusion because I was upset and angry about being in hospital. I was there for over 5 hours in a locked room! IT WAS HORRIBLE!

I only managed to get out if I accepted to take Olanzapine and my other night medications. They said if I didn’t take it I would be injected! So I took it.

I was then showed to my room, EVERYTHING searched! I will admit they were useless I’ve got things I wouldn’t allow a patient to have, but I’ve been strong and not used them yet!

I then threw up the medication on purpose but I don’t think I got it all because I started getting really sleepy and dizzy! I started walking around the ward shouting I want the antidote! I then fell asleep.

When I woke there was spyders everywhere, I was terrified! I don’t know which ones were real. There was one in the light which I think I’ve already posted a photo of!

I don’t remember much about the first week, I know I was scared. I was throwing up the medication, refusing to eat and drink anything that wasn’t sealed and brought in from outside the hospital!

Currently I’m taking all the medication that is prescribed and I’m eating and drinking from sealed drinks and foods.

In the first week I’ve been restrained a number of times, from escaping from the first door and hurting myself due to the voices being too overwhelming. They kept threatening to inject me but thankfully they haven’t!

I am Appealing my section and I’ve met a solicitor.

Care plan is interesting as since I’ve read it it says diagnosis is paranoid schizophrenia but earlier in the week I was told I no longer have a psychotic illness, so I’m not really sure what’s going on or whats wrong with me, if anything!

The Voices have been pretty bad. I’m struggling to cope with them, but I’m using prn (lorazepam) and writing all the time. I’ve always got music playing!

Visions are starting me in not sure what is real or not.

Spying feels like it’s got worse probably due to the fact the hospital I’m in I think we’re and are the ones spying on me.

I will try to keep updating regularly.

Hope your all ok! Xxxx

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Psychiatrist appointment

I went to my psychiatrist appointment. It went well.

I’m changing back to quetiapine not amisulpride, which is good and what I wanted!

He attempted to try to assess a diagnosis for Asperger, but it was clear I don’t have that!

I’ve apparently got a New care co ordinator not that I know who or when I will see them.

Accepted to have physical health check, which is a big deal because they will then have my blood!

He also gave me something to help me sleep. Which is good! I need a good sleep!

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How do I tone belly fat and thighs.

!!!!!!HELP!!!!!!

I’ve been loosing weight and I really need to tone my belly fat and thighs.

It wobbles so much. My weight is going down and I’m not sure to help it not wobble like jelly.

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“You’ve lost weight but it’s not enough to notice!”

I’ve just been told this!

I went out with my sister and niece/ God daughter to a play group.

It was good I haven’t seen them in two weeks so she hasn’t seen me in about two weeks. I’ve lost a fair amount of weight In that time.

What I heard in my head is her saying…

“You’ve lost a little weight but your still hugh! Your fat and need to loose more.”

She didn’t say that but I guess that’s what I want to hear to fule my obsession about loosing weight it gives me an extra motivation.

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Celebrating a Year out of hospital nearly landed me a night in hospital

I was celebrating a year out of inpatient hospital stays, by visiting the beach but… I tripped over a wall nearly straight into the sea. My carer saved me by centre meters. But I’ve really hurt my foot. Photo I took of the sea.

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Struggling so much right now.

This week has not come to an end quick enough.

I’m struggling with the voices and my thoughts are all over the places

I’m scared and think the self harm is going to take a big kick down that road.

I hate it when I don’t have control.

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Save me from this struggle.

I’ve been struggling really bad the last few days. I’m not 100% sure why.

It could be because I stopped my diazepam cold turkey. I was only on 2mg and had been gradually going do any it was the last move with my medication.

The voices are taking control, I’m self harming more in a way to deal with them. I feel suicidal, and want to hide myself away. I’m hating who I . Im getting lack of sleep. Im very restless. And most of all I’m so anxious it’s stopping me from getting on with my day to day life.

I’ve called my community psychiatric nurse this morning but she was unable to talk so I’m waiting for a call back.

I don’t know what the solution is other than, come off the diazepam slower, or introduce another medication to help with the anxiety or voices.

Meds I’m currently on…

  • 400 mg clozapine,
  • 1.25 bisoprlol,
  • 600mg pregabline.

Any advice from my lovely followers would be helpful. Xx

Stay safe and well, Rosie.

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Ok what’s going on?

I’m seeing spiders again.

Are they real?

What’s going on I’m scared.

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Weight loss

Yesterday if you read my posts you would already know so I’m sorry for repeating myself.

I had a blood transfusion yesterday and now I have a bit more energy and motivation to get up and loos the weight I’ve put on in the last few months.

I’m not going to lie I have been drinking alcohol and eating really unhealthy foods, so the weight gain is completely from the choices I’ve made.

So I’m trying to make more positive choices. I thought if I’m honest with my online community I might be more honest with myself about what I’m eating. Especially if I get changed on to clozapine. (Which is well know to have weight gain as a side effect.)

Okay. Here goes…. this is my weight. I’m so embarrassed. 😩

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10th September suicide prevention day.

10th September is suicide awareness day, but it’s also my birthday.

I feel really passionate about it being suicide awareness day, I’ve attempted suicide many times, as you’ve probably guessed I didn’t succeed.

I want to help others who feel they need to attempt suicide or are thinking about it.

I can’t say your life will be smooth and that there won’t be struggles because that’s unrealistic, but I can say your not alone. There are loads of charities out there that want to help YOU! And I’m here if you want to talk through how your feeling.

I care.

https://www.awarenessdays.com/awareness-days-calendar/world-suicide-prevention-day-2017/

https://www.samaritans.org/media-centre/our-campaigns/world-suicide-prevention-day