Category: Health

Discharged off my section. But the hard work is still to come.

Post author By rosiestar11
Post date June 27, 2020
4 Comments on Discharged off my section. But the hard work is still to come.

The truth of what’s been going on…

So about four weeks ago I was sectioned after 4 mental health Acts in a month or so.

Things got bad real quick.

I do admit now that it was probably because I messed around with medication, then kept forgetting and then drinking too much alcohol, and then not being able to control the voices and attempting to take my life in so many different ways, and too many times.

I was then sectioned which was horrible.

I hated every second of it.

I was restrained and injected 3 times, because of refusing medication, I was too scared to move, eat or even talk to the staff.

It was a terrifying 3 and a bit weeks.

They finally discharged me yesterday after wardround on Thursday. With the agreement I was going to my parents. I think the staff thought I was staying there for the weekend, there were phone calls between my dad and nurses and I think we all got a bit confused.

Either way I’ve been at my parents on and off. I find it so stressful here and looking forward to going home tomorrow and staying there on my own for a bit.

I was hoping someone would comment on my weight considering I’ve lost quite a lot since they all saw me a month ago, but no. So I guess I’m still a fat ugly creature.

I need to work on my weight so much now as I’ve been told quite a bit if news one that I can currently share and that is my DBS check came through the post with nothing wrong with it. I was scared with my recent police sections 136, being on there but luckily it’s all clear!!!!! So hopefully I can start my job soon I’m just scared as I think I’ve lost my driving license for 3 months until I can prove I’m stable. But I’m still hoping to start my job as soon as possible.

I’m hoping so much that this will all work out but with the amount of stress I already feel and how scared, worked up and confused I am I’m not sure I can get through this.

Surely it has to get better from here?

This is what I keep reading at the moment.

The crisis team were meant to be calling or visiting but haven’t heard from them at all.

Then I think next week my cpn is calling Monday and then the dreaded depot of medication on tuesday.

Honestly, I’m not even sure I’m going to go and have it. I don’t want to be injected and I hate the fact it’s out of my control. I’m going to ask if I can go back to the tablet form. They can’t force me to have the depot now that I’m not sectioned!

But for now I just need to try and get through this next hour, or even minute.

I need to get things back on track, surely things can only get better from here?

Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd crisis Daily update delusions depression Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions family hallucinations Health healthy hospital Mental health Mental health act mental health blogger Nhs Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis recovery Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Support worker Therapy update Voices weight loss weightloss

Overdue honest update.

⚠️⚠️⚠️Trigger warning! ⚠️⚠️⚠️

⚠️⚠️ suicide attempts, no food, restraint, poison, rape, self harm. ⚠️⚠️

Last Monday I attempted to end my life, my care co found out and police were called.

I was sectioned under 136 and taken to my local mental health hospital.

The next day I was put in section 2

I’ve appealed and got my tribunal on Wednesday, which I’m scared of.

I haven’t eaten in 2 weeks due to the nhs poisoning my food. I’m able to drink from sealed bottles from outside the ward although I’m limiting what I drink to dry and die.

I also found some glass and started cutting my wrist to get the medication out of me.

I’ve been injected by restraint 3 times and it’s so scary brings back flash backs from being raped.

I’ve been trying to get the blood out of my body so I can get the poison they are injecting me with out of my body.

I’m so scared. Currently the voices are really bad and I feel unsafe. The nhs are trying to steal my DNA. To clone me because I can’t die.

I’ve been here over a week but feels like a few hours I’m loosing track of time.

I’ve barricaded my door multiple times to attempt to stop them restraining and injecting me.

I’m so low at the moment and my head is so busy.

I’ve had a few troubles with family which has lead to me becoming more distressed.

I can’t concentrate much and it’s taken me days to write this.

I’m not ill and don’t need to be kept against my will and medicated! It’s not fair. I’m so scared.

Will I ever get out of here unharmed?

I think Ive lost some weight already from not eating for 2 weeks but it’s not through choice If they weren’t poisoning my food I could eat. I’m scared.

Alcohol Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd coronavirus Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions family Food Future God hallucinations Health Medication Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychosis Schizophrenia self harm Support worker Voices weight loss yoga

Is this good for my mental health living back at my family home.

Post author By rosiestar11
Post date April 27, 2020
No Comments on Is this good for my mental health living back at my family home.

I’ve moved to my family home for a while while the lock down is on.

I feel lonely at my flat, I was struggling with my mental health and to keep myself safe but, at my parents I feel just as bad but sometimes worse sometimes better. But either way right now there is no good choice.

I’m struggling so much with

disorder eating thoughts,
anxiety,
ocd thoughts,
the voices, although Gods talking to me is reassuring,
Suicidal thoughts,
self harm.

I’m struggling with a lot.

I’m not sure what to do to help.

I’ve tried…

Sticking to healthy eating,
Drinking less alcohol, although I find sometimes drinking alcohol helps,
Using things in my self soothe box,
Calling the mental health team,
Using the prn I was given,
Using cbd oil,
Relaxation playlist on Spotify,
Podcasts on relaxation and breathing,
Yoga

Is there anything else I can try, I’m seriously struggling and and help would be appreciated?

What I need to do while I’m at my parents is…

Ignore the negative comments,
Ignore the negative behaviour,
Ignore the sarcastic comments and faces,
Ignore the attention seeking behaviour from others around me.

Things will be tough while I’m here but it’s ok, it won’t be forever, I need to remember that.

I can survive this rough patch.

Health Mental health mental health blogger

Things I’m looking forward to after lock down ends.

Post author By rosiestar11
Post date April 26, 2020
2 Comments on Things I’m looking forward to after lock down ends.

This lock down is playing havoc with my mental and physical health.

I’m struggling so much with everything. The every day little things are becoming so hard.

So when this lock down is over, I’m looking forward to…

Seeing my family,
Spending time with my niece,
Meeting this guy I’m talking too,
Shopping trips without worry,
Summer round my parents,
family bbq
going back to yoga
Starting work
Going to creative writing,
Swimming,
Visits to the beach,

Am I think I will appreciate these moments much more than I did before all of this.

Tags Anxiety, appreciatetiom, Future, keep going, lock down, lockdown, look forward too, Mental health, mental illness, positive, quarantine

Health Mental health mental health blogger yoga

🧘‍♀️ Yoga Tuesday. 🧘‍♀️

I did it, I feel exhausted and confused but I did it. It went ok.

I got quite dizzy and after I’ve slept a few hours after, but it was good to do something for me and something that’s different.

We focused on something that was positive, even if the moves we were doing were hurting, I found that quite difficult to focus on something positive and that made us happy, but I saw a butterfly in the garden and that helped to think a bit more positively.

🧘‍♀️

Tags fitness, Mental health, mental illness, mind, mind charity, refreshing, yoga

Anxiety borderline personality disorder bpd delusions eating disorder Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions Health Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychosis Schizophrenia self harm Therapy

DBT booklet arrived.

I’ve been very lucky over the years to have received NHS and private therapy.

But I’ve never tried DBT, I’ve heard it’s good especially for people with EUPD and BPD.

I have EUPD and I’m hoping I can work through this booklet and teach myself.

I really want to have a positive life and I feel this is taking the next step as well as being in control of my own safety.

Have you tried it?

Do you think I could do it on my own by going through the booklet?

I had a first look and it looks like it might be really helpful but it looked complicated, and for someone who did well in GCSE I thought I could understand it but it’s harder than I thought.

I can do this, can’t i?

Tags DBT, dialectical Behavioral therapy, Emotionally unstable personality disorder, Emotions, eupd, Mental health, mental illness, recovery, self harm, self teaching, Therapy

Health Mental health mental health blogger

I need an end date, it’s too uncertain!

Post author By rosiestar11
Post date April 10, 2020
No Comments on I need an end date, it’s too uncertain!

The covid-19 is making me so anxious for so many reasons but mainly due to no end date of the virus it’s self which I know is impossible but there could be an end date to the lock down in the uk!

It will be 3 weeks in lock down on Monday

I just wish I had an end date, this is all too uncertain!