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I’ve never been good at taking medication. When I was younger I used to take liquid medication quite frequently, for no reason at all.

One of my younger sisters was going through treatment for cancer so maybe I thought it was the norm.

 Then as I got older aged 13 and put on an antidepressant, that didn’t go well at all, I took it for the first few weeks then, stock piled and overdosed, which lead to me having seizures. Was very scary for family and me. Then medication was closely supervised from then, but I still managed to take at least one overdose every week up until I was 18 and I moved out. 

This gave me the freedom and control back. The overdosing became less and I became stronger, but then I was put on antipsychotic medication, I found it hard to remember to take it and got ill, I was then admitted to a psychiatric hospital multiple times, where I got started on a new medications. I’ve tried loads of antipsychotic medications, most helped but had horrible side effects and others didn’t help at all. I’m now on 800mg of slow release quetiapine and diazepam, I’ve been struggling to stick to what I’m supposed to be taking and when at the moment, but I’m think I’m finally starting to get back on track. We will see. 

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Take time to make yourselves feel good. 

I know a lot of people don’t put much time and effort in to make ourselves feel good. Especially since I’ve been diagnosed i most the time don’t feel like I should feel good, so then neglect basic needs and luxury. Take time out for your self. Give your self a break, your doing great. Lots of love. XxX 

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Gp appointment 

Today I went to see my gp as I was feeling unwell. He agreed I looked pale and tired. But the observations that he did, seemed okay ish. He advised me if it gets worse or carrys on I will need to go to a and e. 

Empty waiting room. 

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Am I an unexpected suicidal person, or and expected 

The NHS will probably say they didn’t think I would go through with it. I’m sure they would apologise on the news saying how they failed me, but won’t mean it. It happens too often people with mental health illnesses not getting the help and support they need and deserve. I’m not blaming the NHS it’s self as it the big picture they save a lot more lives than we get told about on the news. I’ve told many people in the past that I’m suicidal and how I’m determined to do it and having plans in place. I have in the past made some really serious attempts at ending my life, and have been in medical and psychiatric hospitals. Im just hoping to anyone out there, things can get better. I know you have probably heard that so much that it has no meaning, but I’m here message me if you need to chat.