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Mental health update.

So I haven’t done a proper mental health update for a while and as it’s coming to the end of the year I’m going too do an update.

I have been sectioned twice in the last few months. I’m now out of hospital after a pretty traumatic time in there!

Since coming out of hospital I’ve stopped my medication.

I’ve put on three stone since being inpatient and put on medication.

I was eating all the foods I fancied and this made me gain so much weight so quickly as well as basically sat on my bed all day everyday. Also put back on too antipsychotic medication.

So since I’ve came out of hospital I weighed myself and I was so shocked! I’ve started diet pills and my gp referred me to slimming world which I start tomorrow.

I’ve stopped the antipsychotic medication and I’m currently doing ok. I’m going to my meetings, keeping myself active everyday and trying to push though all the bad thoughts and voices!

I went too a private Therapist to start therapy but I’ve decided I want to wait a bit. I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk about my past and trauma, even though I feel it’s holding me back!

Unfortunately I’ve started drinking too much Alcohol. This is probably not helping with my weight!

I’m looking forward to Christmas this year! I’m trying to make it a brilliant time for my family! I know it’s going to be really tricky and I’m going to get upset with my mums behaviour, but I want to make my family happy so I’m going to try my best to stay strong!

I’m really trying so hard to get along with my Family!

So I guess that’s where I’m up too!

I hope you all have a good Christmas and stay safe!

I’m here for anyone if you want to talk or struggling!

cancer Doctors hospital Mental health Mum

Breast cancer clinic.

I went to the breast cancer clinic a few weeks ago.

I was terrified.

I went with my carer and mum, but I went in alone!

First I went for a scan, they were all really nice. It was really embarrassing laying there with my top off, but they made it easier by being so nice.

I then had to wait to see the consultant, who looked at my scans and then examined me. Again I went in on my own!

They don’t think it’s breast cancer which is good, the lump was still there and he did explain what it was but it’s not cancer.

My mum was really quiet on the way back and I think it’s because she didn’t get to come in with me.

She has been really off with me since it, in my head I think it’s because she is disappointed that I don’t have something life threatening and there is no drama left for her!

hospital Mental health Mum

I had my appendix out 16 years ago.

I remember it so much was a very traumatic time.

My scar is pretty big.

My appendix had burst for a few days and I was being sick all the time.

My mum didn’t believe me and it was only when I begged mum to take me to the doctors.

She didn’t believe the doctor when they said how unwell I was.

Before surgery mum said to me “are you lying because they are going to cut you open!” I couldn’t believe it my own mum didn’t believe me.

The surgeon said to her after if it was a few hours later I would have died!

Only then did my mum believe me!

But I survived and I hope to make the most of that chance I’ve been given.

beach Dad family Mental health Mum Sisters

Beautiful beach

We’ve arrived on holiday.

I’m with my mum, dad, youngest sister and her friend.

The journey wasn’t too bad. I’m getting on so well with them all so far.

Medication Mental health Mum

My mum now knows I’m not taking my medication

But she doesn’t seem to care, so that’s ok.

family Mental health Mum

Mum said I look like I’ve lost loads of weight

I took this good. It made me happy.

I’m glad she could tell I’ve lost weight!

Mental health Mum

Thanks mum.

Pjs from my mum, can you believe it.

She thought of me.

I love her so much and don’t show it or say it enough.

Thank you mum.

I love you.

Dad Emotions family Future Happy Lonely Mental health Mum Past Sisters

Christmas lights?

My family always put up Christmas lights out side the house, we all love seeing them so why don’t we help dad put them up?

There’s enough of us to help him get it done really quick and then, dad won’t be out in the cold for hours.

I think dad is feeling the same this year, because they have just been left up from last year.

We don’t support or help him enough,

I’m sure they will look as good next year, just as they did last year.

Christmas lights,🎅🏼❄️☃️🛷

Mental health Mum

I am here

I’ve just had a memory come back to me…

I was 12 and in hospital after an operation and I caught the superbug clostridium difficile.

My youngest sister at the time was 2 and had cancer and was also in hospital. They were able to move our beds to be in rooms next to each other on the children’s ward while we both in hospital but still having another sister at home. My dad was at home with that sister and mum stayed in hospital at night with me and my sister who had cancer.

My mum never really spent any time in my room with me, she was always with my sister. I felt so scared and alone. I had to go through the treatment with out her. I was in pain emotionally and physically.

Things haven’t really changed mum doesn’t pay much attention to me unless she can be in the limelight. All three of my sisters get attention from mum. I don’t see her for weeks and she doesn’t even bother to text to see if I’m ok or even alive.

My sister who had cancer is currently in remission and doing really well.

I’m well aware that people might believe cancer is worse than the superbug and you may be right. Also my sister being a lot younger may mean you think I’m being selfish and you won’t understand this post.

anorexia Anxiety Dad family Food healthy i did it Mental health Mum Past Sisters

Invited to dinner with my family.

My dad texted me inviting me to a meal with them, this is just how things are now, I don’t feel welcome around there without an invite.

It brightened my day he even came and picked me up. Had a lovely time with them.

I haven’t had a roast since last Christmas, so 10 months. I really enjoyed it and dad was happy to see a clean plate from me, as the times I’ve eaten over there I’ve either been in the grips of anorexia or thinking my food has been poisoned.