Category: Past

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family Mental health mental health blogger Past

No wonder I can’t trust.

All my life I’ve been betrayed. When I was younger my parents used to look through my diary without my permission, that’s the one place. I used to feel able too express how I was feeling until that got taken away from me then it was my phone behind my back then used as a punishment, then my school work. I only found out about some of these because there are photo copies of my diary and school work in my mental health records when I requested them. I now have photo copies of everything my parents did behind my back. No wonder I don’t feel I can be honest or open up to anyone.

I can not trust anyone. Every time I think I can, I find out I can’t.

Then when I had my own place my cousin would go through my phone. I only found out one night because Siri accidentally went off. I mean how wrong is that. I thought I could trust him.

I did a poll on my Instagram and 54 people said it’s not ok! I think that says it all.

So next time someone says why can’t you trust anyone! Here is why.

I hate that it will effect me for the rest of my life.

I know I need to get past the anger and move on but HOW?

I don’t know how to. I’ve been betrayed my whole life and now I have to live in fear of my privacy always being taken away from me.

Any ideas of how to get feelings and emotions out when you have no privacy?

By the way yes I’m an adult and it still happens!

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Mental health Past

Polly pocket.

Can you believe it found this is a stash of old toys!

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Past

Throw back to forever friends.

These bring back good memories of being a child!

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Mental health Past school Teacher

Message from previous teacher!!!! I’m shocked! 😮

My youngest sister still goes too the secondary school I used to go too, and she had parents evening last week.

My past teacher gave my mum a message to pass on to me!

This started alarm bells ringing! Thinking I had done something wrong!

But it was the opposite…….

She said to my mum…

“How’s my favourite girl doing?”

And

“Give her a big hug. I won’t because it would scared her.”

I used to have a massive fear of this teacher but at the same time the biggest bond!

I think the fear came from being paranoid that she was going to kill me along with a few other teachers. But now looking back I can see this was just one of my delusions from the schizophrenia.

I used to see her a a mum figure as I was able to talk to her about personal things and she understood.

I wish I could get back in touch with her, but wouldn’t know how!

If you ever come across this blog post I’d like to leave a message for you!

To one of the best teachers ever,

thank you so much for helping me get in touch with my religion again,

thank you for helping me get good grades and inspiring me to help others.

I’m sorry I was scared of you, I had no need to be.

I really wish I could see you to give you that big hug!

Best wishes.

X

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Emotions Mental health Past

Anniversary of a traumatic event in 5 days!

I’m seriously scared,

Does anyone have any tips on how to survive a traumatic anniversary?

Any suggestions will be helpful.

I usually end up harming or doing something dangerous just to try and cope with the memories/flash backs!

But I need to get a grip on this, there are so many things that trigger the memories of it or flash backs.

I’m constantly having nightmares.

I had a panic attack last night due to it all becoming too overwhelming!

Help please?

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Current update.

Things are really tough.

I’ve stopped my antipsychotic again.

Seriously self harmed which has left me feeling awful still days later.

My care team have no idea.

I hate my body so much I’ve started taking diet pills.

I’m scared about slot of things right now. I’m not sure I want to live but if I do choose to live I want to live a life off medication, helping others, being healthy and skinny, I’d like to be nice and have a family I can look after and put first.

But right now I’m so torn, how do I get that good life?

What do I do to be happy?

I would love so much to be “normal” and get up to look after a family and then have an amazing job working with alpacas and children with special needs.

I need this good motivation to stay.

I’m scared to go to sleep in case I wake up and it’s gone.

I’m sorry to all the people I have hurt, I really do love you and will make it up to you!

I promise!

Ok I better wake up and get on with living this amazing life. I can do this!!!!!

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Anxiety blogger Cpn Daily update delusions Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations Health healthy hospital Medication Mental health Mental health act mental health blogger Nhs Past Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm spying Support worker Therapy Voices

Sectioned

This was my room in the mental health hospital.

I was sectioned!

I’m home now!

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Dad Emotions family Future Happy Lonely Mental health Mum Past Sisters

Christmas lights?

My family always put up Christmas lights out side the house, we all love seeing them so why don’t we help dad put them up?

There’s enough of us to help him get it done really quick and then, dad won’t be out in the cold for hours.

I think dad is feeling the same this year, because they have just been left up from last year.

We don’t support or help him enough,

I’m sure they will look as good next year, just as they did last year.

Christmas lights,🎅🏼❄️☃️🛷