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Review on the decade. All the good and bad!

Not in any order!

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

Self harm, inpatient, suicide attempts, rape,

  • Got a niece,
  • Turned 18
  • Passed my driving test
  • Was sectioned for the first time, so many times after
  • Had my first blood transfusion
  • Was anorexic now obese!
  • Got my own place
  • Was raped
  • Got three cats
  • Being put on antipsychotics
  • First alcohol drink
  • First holiday without parents
  • Sister got married
  • Got my first silicone baby, Dylan
  • Started this blog
  • Been able to eat in-front of people and public
  • Got closer to extended family
  • Been to Ireland
  • Officially got diagnosed with mental health, -schizophrenia, -emotionally unstable personality disorder, -anxiety, -anorexia, -depression, -ocd,
  • Had a seizure
  • Done two dance shows
  • Became a God mother
  • Went to Florida with my family
  • Seen many waterfalls
  • Seen, p!nk, the script, Ed Sheeran, Jess Glynne,
  • Got 6 tattoos
  • Dyed my hair purple

My favourite photos from the last decade…

Cake I made for my sisters 25th birthday.

Had dinner on the beach and watched the sunset!

First ever time being handcuffed, hopefully the last!

It wasn’t an arrest, I had done nothing wrong, it was for my safety and to stop me running away!

Tinker bell my second cat as a kitten!

Tiger my first cat and tinker bell cuddling!

Tiger and a cat I looked after for a bit, called Pepsi!

Tigers first car ride to pets @ home! He was so good!

Feeding alpacas!

One day worth of pills!

Overdose treatment!

Sectioned, unfortunately not the last time!

Taylor my youngest cat, now 4 years old!

Tinker bell thinking of getting in the path with me.

My favourite waterfall!

Tiger and tinker bell cuddling!



Taylor sleeping on me!

Tinker bell!

All three of my cats together!

Dylan my first silicone baby!

My most recent hospital section a month ago!

So I guess that concludes the end of a decade for me! 2010-2020!

It’s been a rollercoaster of ups and downs!

Reached times in my life I thought I was going to die! But some how I survived, but this next decade I’m determined too live not just survive!

I know it’s cliche but I will make this year count!

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I’ve self harmed for years, every scar has a story and meaning. They are evidence of surviving and my life. I had this tattoo designed by scratch, the flame symbolising my brother who’s not here, and all three of my sisters chose a flower. So my arm has been changed from showing my scars and story to the love of my family

Tattoo covering my scars up.

First pic my scars… second the design…the finished tattoo.

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The difference I feel that I’ve got a niece and not a nephew? 

I’ve had a lot of upset with baby boys in my life. I think the fact my sister has had a baby girl really impacts on how I feel about the whole situation. 

I haven’t held a baby boy since my brother died. It’s a big thing, it was 13 years ago. I’ve found it very difficult to be around baby boys.

When I heard it was a girl my tears that I was going to cry back tracked in to my body and they joy came out. 

I’m so so happy for her. She is beautiful and hopefully today I get to have a lovely cuddle with her.

If it was a boy I think I would be wanting to harm, probably still crying and not wanting to see the baby later today. 

I hope this doesn’t come across as being rude or ungrateful but it’s just had such an in pact my brother dying. 

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It’s a little girl. 

My sister had a very quick labour, she gave birth around 3pm, I’ve seen pictures and my niece is absolutely beautiful. I’m so proud of my sister. 
I can’t wait to meet my niece. They are hopefully allowed home tomorrow, if everything is okay over night. 

If you ever see this post to my amazing sister, I’m so proud of you. Your going to be a great mum, I’m here day or night. Beautiful addition to the family.

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Sister in labour 

My sister is in labour she has gone to my parents house, and turned her phone on silent. I feel really left out, I want to be there holding her hand but she doesn’t want me there, plus I think something is going to go wrong. 

I feel left out but in reality I need to not think about me. I just feel that my mum is taking control, as she texted me basically telling me to leave them alone. 

I really hope all goes well. 

Fingers crossed. X 

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One week until my sisters baby is due.

I’m feel I should be scared or anxious, but I actually don’t feel anything at all. 

I hope it all goes okay, and they are both healthy and well. 

I wish her all the best. I love her loads and I’m really proud of her.

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Old gp, compared to new gp? 

I’ve been very lucky with all of my gps/doctors. 

We had a family gp at a doctors surgery near where we use to live. We all saw the same gp and she was really good and understanding. I remember her diagnosing me with anorexia, I was so relieved to hear her say the words your dangerously underweight. I saw myself as fat so this was brilliant to hear for me but my mum broke down in tears, there was so much emotion in that room. I saw the same gp for years and years. I would go on my own and with parents.

One thing is that I’ve always gone to the doctors at many different times, most of the time I probably didn’t need to go but I have a really good relationship with them. 

I haven’t seen my current gp for a while, and I’m doing this on purpose. I know if I go to see my current gp he will probably notice my weight gain and my hb levels and then it could take a turn of where I need to go to hospital so I’m staying well away. 

I really do appreciate the NHS and the doctors that work so hard. 

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Felt my niece or nephew move inside my sister womb.

It’s was a very special experience. I’m really looking forward to meeting it. I love it with all my heart already. 

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Had an exhausting day.

Got up and didn’t weigh myself, but since then weighed myself with clothes and trainers on and I weighed what I did the other day, so in my head that means I’ve lost weight. Will weigh myself tomorrow morning and update. I’ve got 20lbs to loose till I get to my goal weight. Not too far off now, really need to put the extra effort in. 

I did a bit of cleaning and tidying. And spent time brushing the cats, I try and do it every week and they love it. Bless them. Had a move around in the front room and it looks better now. Definitely cleaner. 

Received a parcel and really pleased with it, it’s for my sister who’s about to give birth it’s a bag with some essentials in for the birth, hope she likes it, haven’t managed to give it her yet. Also done a list of everything she could need, hopefully it helps. 

Also harmed again. And actually got a feeling from it this time, I feel satisfied with what I’ve done. 

I tried to tip my vodka down the sink but I couldn’t. So it’s still in my cupboard but going to try not to drink it. 

Done a fair bit of exercise, and toning. I really want to start to love my body. Found a dress I want for my goal weight. 

Looking forward to bed, I’m looking forward to sleep. 

Hope you’ve all had a lovely day. XxX 

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Today I’m trying something new. 

I don’t normally take any pride in my appearance. But today I’m going to try to put some clean clothes on and make up.

This is a new thing for me. The motivation to do it is im hoping to have a photo with my sister who is pregnant today. I haven’t got a photo of us with the bump. I would like it for my own memories and she said she hasn’t got many photos with the bump and wants some. 

It’s starting to feel really real, there is going to be a new addition in to the family really soon, which will throw everything up in the air and I’m hoping we can land all together and it be the best thing that’s happened to us. I hope it brings us all closer together. I hope and pray that everything goes okay. I really love them so much and I hope everything goes as well as it can. 

I don’t usually see my family often, but I’m hoping this will give me a reason and opportunity to be part of the family. Although the likelihood is that I will be pushed out either further.