31 day blog challenge Mental health

Day 19- Meaningful song

I have a lot of meaningful songs. Music is constantly helping me. I listen to music so much. I have songs that represent the time or life I’m living. They all have deeper meanings for me.

But currently one song that is meaningful and inspiring is “I am here” by pink.

It talks about being here and asking the bigger question “where do we go, when we go” to me this means when we die where do we go. This is an important question to me as I hope and pray when I die I can be reunited with my nan and meet my brother. I hope this place is heaven.

31 day blog challenge Mental health

Day 18- What would I change if I could go back in time


If I was able to know then what I know now I would change a lot.

I would never have self harmed, I would have looked after my body, and I would have wished not to have mental illness.

I guess having mental illness is why my life is currently the way it is. If I was able to not suffer from mental illness I would have nothing in my way. I would have been able to do my dream jobs.

I’m willing to accept in this statement about what I would change, mental illness isn’t one of those things.

But changing the way I look after my body is in my control. I wouldn’t have staved it for years and then drink double the amount of calories a day in alcohol and go to anorexic to over weight in a matter of a year. I would keep up my fitness and not damage my body in the ways I have in self harming.

I would have learnt to be more assertive a lot earlier, I think this would have helped me to not sit back when I was being bullied and leave it until it gets to the very end when police were involved.

I would have been brave. I would have been me!

Medication Mental health

Day 15- Best and worst medication I’ve been on

Gosh this is a hard one.

I’ve been on ALOT of medication, for all kinds of physical and mental health problems.

I think so far quetiapine for my schizophrenia has been very helpful, and pregabline for my anxiety.

I’m starting clozapine and I’ve heard miracle stories. I’m hoping it helps me. I want to start living and not surviving.

Worst medication I think would have to be codeine, it was for a head ache but it was so horrible to get off it even though I was on it a few days.

31 day blog challenge Mental health

Day 14- Favourite icecream

This is easy, bubblegum!

31 day blog challenge Mental health

Day 9- Things that annoy me

Where do I start…

I get very annoyed st myself because I know what I need to do to loose weight but I don’t do it, and then I’m annoyed I’ve put on weight.

I need to be more controlled with myself.

I get very annoyed at scratching sounds and clapping. Clapping annoys me as it’s all at different times.

31 day blog challenge Mental health

Day 6- What I’m afraid of

This is a difficult one as I’m afraid of a lot.

I’m nearly always anxious and scared but I think this is a more in-depth feeling of afraid.

So the biggest one is I’m afraid of myself or my family dying. I’ve had a lot of people die in my life time maybe more than a usual amount, and I find this really soul destroying. I’m so grateful I’ve got amazing people in my life I know there’s a lot of good and bad but I’m happy that I got to meet them and then they die rather than just never having met them if that makes sense.

So I’m most afraid of death, I don’t think I can die, I think I’m invisible but I’m not sure if this is just to protect my thoughts of being afraid to die. I love my family and every time I leave there’s I have to kiss them all once and all the same amount of times or I think they will die and it will be my fault.

31 day blog challenge Mental health

Day 5- Thing I’m most grateful for

There’s loads I’m grateful for, but to pick one is going to be so hard.

I think I’m most grateful that I got to kiss my nan goodbye, that was so scary as I was very young but I’m really grateful I got the opportunity. Sleep peacefully nan.

I’m also so grateful that my carer helps me with everything, literally there’s not much he won’t give advice for or help me with. Thank you. My life is getting better day by day. Thank you.

Mental health

Day 3- Famous people I want to meet or that I have

Okay I think I’ve met the most famous person in the uk, the Queen. It was her Golden Jubilee (I think) and she visited a place in England that I was able to attend.

I gave her some flowers and a hug, I pushed (gently) my sister out of the way to get to the queen, I feel bad about that but I’m so grateful I’ve met the Queen!

Who would I like to meet?

I’d love to meet Russel Howard. Especially be in the audience of Russel Howard’s good news.

Mental health

Day 2- First job, and Dream job,

My first job was helping my dad, but my first paid job was at a cafe, I was a waitress.

My dream job is to work with children with special educational need and mental health problems. I had a taster of this through school as it was work experience. It was an amazing two weeks.

My dream job isn’t unachievable, I just need to get my mental health under control. I will have my dream job.