Tag: anorexia

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Mental health

Mental health awareness week my story!

Since age 11 I have had poor mental health.

I started to self harm, and not eat.

I was first sectioned aged 18 after numerous suicide attempts.

Since then I’ve been sectioned too many times. Also in hospital volunteering.

These last two weeks have been awful. I’ve been trying to kill myself a lot. But I’m alive. I’m not sure if that’s what I want or not.

I’m struggling so much. The sun is trying to burn me and I feel I need to get more energy so I’m stronger than the sun.

I’m struggling but there is no help.

I’m hearing voices and Ava is helping me. It’s going to be ok.

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anorexia Anxiety eating disorder Mental health Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

What I gained from loosing my anorexia!

Trigger warning- anorexia! ⚠️

I gained so much from recovering from my anorexia.

Although I’d say I’m weight restored but I still worry about food and weight so much.

I wish I had my anorexic weight back just so I could feel valid having all the anorexia thoughts.

But I’m the short term I’ve gained that I can actually eat in-front if people, I can eat some full fat foods, I enjoy foods including pasta so much,

But

This all comes with guilt, and worry.

I hate how I look but I’ve never liked how I look. Never!

I want to look nice and thin but will it will it be enough.

I want these thoughts to go away.

I’m not longer diagnosed with anorexia although I think I may have atypical anorexia as my weight is restored but I have so many anorexic traits still to this day, will they ever go?

Will it ever be valid enough?

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anorexia Anxiety family Mental health mental health blogger

I’ve moved in with my parents.

Ok so an overdue update…

I’ve moved back in to the family home in my 20’s this feels like a major set but but it’s not, I’m doing this as it’s best for me and my mental health.

I’m taking responsibility.

It’s going ok. I’m hoping to get some craft things finished and spend time with my family.

My cats haven’t moved in because their dog would eat/hurt them so I’m going back every day to spend time with them and feed them of course.

It’s going ok, it’s only been one full day but I think it’s ok, I struggle at night with wanting to go home but it’s ok I know I can if I want too and it’s a few minutes away in the car.

This is the best for my mental health. While I get myself back on track.

I’m finding old things difficult again though my eating is changing, I used to have anorexia and a few things have brought back those negative feelings. And there is a lot of stress at the moment but I’m dealing with these by trying to eat even though I don’t want too and I’m listening to mindfulness podcasts on Spotify.

I’m finding these really helpful the positives are my drinking alcohol has decreased and my mood has increased.

I’m determined to loose some weight while I’m here and I think I can, but I think I need to remember that I’m trying to do it to be healthy and not anorexic again.

How are you all? Xx

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anorexia Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd depression Emotionally unstable personality disorder hospital Mental health Mental health act mental health blogger Personality disorder Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Therapy

Making key rings!

I’m keeping busy and making key rings for anyone in the uk struggling. Bringing a bit of positivity to these uncertain times!

I’m going to be giving them away completely for free!

💕 Spreading some love! 💕

Just message me your address and I will send you one. Xx

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anorexia Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd Cpn delusions depression Disappointment Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions hallucinations Happy Health Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychosis scared Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Voices

I want to help you?

Email me at rosiestar11@yahoo.co.uk

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anorexia diet exercise Food Health healthy Mental health mental health blogger Over weight Overweight Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

Will I ever be thin enough!

I hate my weight and myself.

I used to be anorexic and now I’m obese!

I’m so upset that I let myself get like this.

I crave and need to be thin, I know I’ve got an obsession about my bones showing, but that’s what I want.

I’m so determined to get this weight off!

I will learn to live myself again!

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Review on the decade. All the good and bad!

Not in any order!

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

Self harm, inpatient, suicide attempts, rape,

  • Got a niece,
  • Turned 18
  • Passed my driving test
  • Was sectioned for the first time, so many times after
  • Had my first blood transfusion
  • Was anorexic now obese!
  • Got my own place
  • Was raped
  • Got three cats
  • Being put on antipsychotics
  • First alcohol drink
  • First holiday without parents
  • Sister got married
  • Got my first silicone baby, Dylan
  • Started this blog
  • Been able to eat in-front of people and public
  • Got closer to extended family
  • Been to Ireland
  • Officially got diagnosed with mental health, -schizophrenia, -emotionally unstable personality disorder, -anxiety, -anorexia, -depression, -ocd,
  • Had a seizure
  • Done two dance shows
  • Became a God mother
  • Went to Florida with my family
  • Seen many waterfalls
  • Seen, p!nk, the script, Ed Sheeran, Jess Glynne,
  • Got 6 tattoos
  • Dyed my hair purple

My favourite photos from the last decade…

Cake I made for my sisters 25th birthday.

Had dinner on the beach and watched the sunset!

First ever time being handcuffed, hopefully the last!

It wasn’t an arrest, I had done nothing wrong, it was for my safety and to stop me running away!

Tinker bell my second cat as a kitten!

Tiger my first cat and tinker bell cuddling!

Tiger and a cat I looked after for a bit, called Pepsi!

Tigers first car ride to pets @ home! He was so good!

Feeding alpacas!

One day worth of pills!

Overdose treatment!

Sectioned, unfortunately not the last time!

Taylor my youngest cat, now 4 years old!

Tinker bell thinking of getting in the path with me.

My favourite waterfall!

Tiger and tinker bell cuddling!

Waterfall!

Taylor!

Taylor sleeping on me!

Tinker bell!

All three of my cats together!

Dylan my first silicone baby!

My most recent hospital section a month ago!

So I guess that concludes the end of a decade for me! 2010-2020!

It’s been a rollercoaster of ups and downs!

Reached times in my life I thought I was going to die! But some how I survived, but this next decade I’m determined too live not just survive!

I know it’s cliche but I will make this year count!

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anorexia Anxiety diet exercise Food gym Health healthy Mental health mental health blogger Over weight Overweight Sisters Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

I know, I shouldn’t have!

I was with family and I really wanted to spend time with them, I didn’t want to leave. So I ate dinner with them.

I hate myself for eating but my sister already worries about my eating and she is only 11.

I don’t want her to grow up with the food issues I had at her age. I was suffering with anorexia at the age of 11. It took years of my life. I was still 18 and suffering.

It was nearly impossible to eat in-front of people, well really eat at all.

I’m now 26 and i still have eating issues.

I no longer have anorexia,

I’m very fat now and I’m trying to loose weight but the old ways of how to loose it is starting to take over!

I keep telling myself it’s ok to eat.

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anorexia Anxiety diet Food Health healthy Mental health mental health blogger Over weight Overweight Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

I’m disgusting!!!!!

Look at that.

I’m horrible.

I hate myself.

That double chin is so horrible.

I NEED TO LOOSE WEIGHT!!!!!!

I’ve never felt so gross and fat. I’m so embarrassed that I can see how fat I actually am!

I hate myself so deeply, I feel I no longer want to be here. I know that’s not the solution but i hate myself so much that I think I don’t deserve to be here.

I used to be anorexic, I bet you would never guess or think I used to be under weight. I’m now extremely overweight!!!

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anorexia Anxiety clozapine depression Emotionally unstable personality disorder Food Health healthy Mental health mental health blogger Over weight Overweight Personality disorder Schizophrenia Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

Can’t believe this use to fit me.

This is a really nice dress that fitted me, it was even a bit big.

I was suffering with anorexia which is a eating disorder and one symptom is being under weight.

I’m now a lot bigger and I’m over weight. I would need a large now and that’s so embarrassing to actually tell someone. I’m really trying my best to loose weight.

I look back at pictures of when I was anorexic and I wish I had that size body again, but I don’t want all the other suffering. I was really depressed.

I put weight on due to my antipsychotic medication because I also suffer from schizophrenia, emotionally unstable personality disorder, and anxiety.