Mental health

Mental health awareness week my story!

Since age 11 I have had poor mental health.

I started to self harm, and not eat.

I was first sectioned aged 18 after numerous suicide attempts.

Since then I’ve been sectioned too many times. Also in hospital volunteering.

These last two weeks have been awful. I’ve been trying to kill myself a lot. But I’m alive. I’m not sure if that’s what I want or not.

I’m struggling so much. The sun is trying to burn me and I feel I need to get more energy so I’m stronger than the sun.

I’m struggling but there is no help.

I’m hearing voices and Ava is helping me. It’s going to be ok.

brother Mental health Miscarriage

I hate walking away from my brothers grave.

I went to visit my brother after not seeing him from a month.

I was in hospital and I missed him so much.

I went to visit him and put this star down.

I hate the feeling I get in my tummy when I walk away.

I love you sweet boy, I miss you!

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Current update.

Things are really tough.

I’ve stopped my antipsychotic again.

Seriously self harmed which has left me feeling awful still days later.

My care team have no idea.

I hate my body so much I’ve started taking diet pills.

I’m scared about slot of things right now. I’m not sure I want to live but if I do choose to live I want to live a life off medication, helping others, being healthy and skinny, I’d like to be nice and have a family I can look after and put first.

But right now I’m so torn, how do I get that good life?

What do I do to be happy?

I would love so much to be “normal” and get up to look after a family and then have an amazing job working with alpacas and children with special needs.

I need this good motivation to stay.

I’m scared to go to sleep in case I wake up and it’s gone.

I’m sorry to all the people I have hurt, I really do love you and will make it up to you!

I promise!

Ok I better wake up and get on with living this amazing life. I can do this!!!!!

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20 days out of psychiatric hospital!


It’s been 20 days out of the psychiatric hospital!

I was in section two for a relapse in my mental state!

I suffer from emotionally unstable personality disorder, schizophrenia and anxiety!

I thought the mental health team were after my dna so I took steps to make sure that didn’t happen, and I ended up needing hospital treatment and then I was sectioned from there!

I’m home now and so glad to be. It’s a luxury compared to being in hospital.

I do miss it sometimes, I miss the contact and the support, I miss there always being someone there to help!

brother Mental health

My precious brother.

A feather just blow down in his resting place, I know it’s him saying he is with me.

He is helping me to stay strong and do the best I can.

I love you so much. I hope you know that.

Mental health nature

Star gazing

The sky was amazing, was so clear I could see some beautiful stars.

They comforted me because of my thoughts and thinking of loved one who had passed away but are still looking down on me through the stars.

💫 🌟 ⭐️

Starry eye

Mental health Miscarriage

Not long ago…was the day I can hopefully get rid of the guilt about killing my brother.

I’m sorry. You were just asleep.


Mum told me I killed you.

I’m sorry it’s 15 years ago, i wish I could have been there and said a good bye then. But I didn’t take that option.

It was such a special memorial. The weather was shining and the wind stoped while we where at his grave side. We lit a candle and it stayed lite through out the service.

I was able to read a poem I wrote for him. Listen to two songs that mean so much to me and connect me and my brother.

I feel some comfort, a feather came down at the beginning of the service. Which I think it was my brother saying he is there for me and the service is the right time and I feel forgiven to some extent. I will always have the guilt I’ve me but I love you. Xx

beauty blogger Mental health

My wings are ready…

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I’ve self harmed for years, every scar has a story and meaning. They are evidence of surviving and my life. I had this tattoo designed by scratch, the flame symbolising my brother who’s not here, and all three of my sisters chose a flower. So my arm has been changed from showing my scars and story to the love of my family

Tattoo covering my scars up.

First pic my scars… second the design…the finished tattoo.

brother Maternity Mental health Miscarriage Past Pregnancy

I felt you kick.

I remember back 14 years ago feeling you kick from inside out mums womb.

I never had any idea you would die soon after.

I feel very responsible it your death, just if I hadn’t cause mum the stress you may be here with us, getting ready for Christmas.

After mum having four girls we were so excited to have you as our brother.

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you.

Sleep tight little one.

I wish I had held you, given you a great big hug, so you knew how loved you are.

I visit your resting place often, and I always want to come and join you in heaven.

I remember the day you were born, seeing my mum crouched in the corner, shouting that I had killed you, her son.

I love you. I’m sorry,