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Making key rings!

I’m keeping busy and making key rings for anyone in the uk struggling. Bringing a bit of positivity to these uncertain times!

I’m going to be giving them away completely for free!

💕 Spreading some love! 💕

Just message me your address and I will send you one. Xx

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Current update.

Things are really tough.

I’ve stopped my antipsychotic again.

Seriously self harmed which has left me feeling awful still days later.

My care team have no idea.

I hate my body so much I’ve started taking diet pills.

I’m scared about slot of things right now. I’m not sure I want to live but if I do choose to live I want to live a life off medication, helping others, being healthy and skinny, I’d like to be nice and have a family I can look after and put first.

But right now I’m so torn, how do I get that good life?

What do I do to be happy?

I would love so much to be “normal” and get up to look after a family and then have an amazing job working with alpacas and children with special needs.

I need this good motivation to stay.

I’m scared to go to sleep in case I wake up and it’s gone.

I’m sorry to all the people I have hurt, I really do love you and will make it up to you!

I promise!

Ok I better wake up and get on with living this amazing life. I can do this!!!!!

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Leave me be… talk to me, double sided rubber bracelet.

My bracelet leave me be in red and talk to me on green. It’s soft and nice to wear. It’s easy to swap between sides. It’s a large bracelet and as far as I’m aware they only come in inside, and it’s large, even on me and I’m an adult.

It’s a great way non verbal or verbal can express if they want to talk or not.

It’s a great way to express when they want to talk. It’s neutral so it suites both make and female.

It’s great if you can’t verbalise what you want.

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Day 20- Diagnosis

Over the years my diagnosis have changed, mainly due to recovering from them, when I was younger I was diagnosed with,

depression

ocd and

anorexia.

I was treated with antidepressants and had a lot of cbt, (cognitive behavioural therapy.) and weekly meetings with my child and adolescents services. The crisis team were involved a lot, but never found them helpful.

I recovered from depression and coped with ocd through therapy and medication.

Anorexia took a little bit longer to recover from I guess when I was 19 I would say I started to recover by eating in front of people and learning to eat in public.

But I soon discovered alcohol and my weight was still an issue in my head but I don’t remember being anorexic and then overweight. It felt like it happened overnight. But now I’m able to look back on pictures and see that it was the alcohol. I was drinking so much alcohol that I was having twice the daily limit of calories. I was soon over weight and currently still am. Although I lost 50 lbs since this time last year, I slipped back down the alcohol spiral a few months ago and that 50lbs is back on.

Currently I am diagnosed with

anxiety,

schizophrenia and

emotionally unstable personality disorder.

I’m currently taking medication to keep my symptoms under control, and I am supposed to be started on the strongest antipsychotic currently around. I’m hoping this will help me more. As I’m currently not getting enough relief from the one I’m on. I’ve had a few sessions of therapy but the nhs only give you 20 session and that’s not enough to get into deep emotions, symptoms and behaviours.

So I will carry on fighting.

I’ve only included the diagnosis. I have not included any symptoms. I don’t want to trigger any one, so I won’t be including these and the ways I learn to self cope. If I thought they were helpful I would.

I also haven’t included any physical illnesses as my blog is mainly about mental illness.

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World mental health day. 10th October 2017.

Happy world mental health day!

This is a message to say to all those out there suffering with mental illness that your not alone. Speak out don’t suffer in silence.💙

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What is a day like on an acute psychiatric ward?

I bet you won’t believe this is an acute psychiatric ward, but let me tell you what this ward is like.

It is a secure locked acute psychiatric ward. It’s where you go if you are quite mentally unwell.
At about 7am we all get woken for breakfast, but honestly most of us go back to sleep, throughout the night someone checks on us every hour, it depends which staff do the checks some just look through the glass frosted window others do that and turn the full bright light on. Helpful I know. Sleep is important to recovery. 

Anyway after that its medication time around 9 am, I like getting there early to miss the cue of 19 other patients.

Then if we want escorted leave we can go to a planning meeting, for a member of staff and a time to be set for escorted leave, which means a member of staff has to come with you, especially if your on a section, for your first few leaves.

There are a lot of Alarms going off, basically if a member of staff who’s doing the hourly checks on patients sees something worrying or bad like agitation or self harm, the alarm will be pulled it’s on every member of staffs keyring, and then staff go running to the room where the alarm was pulled. Usually there’s a lot of shouting especially if the alarm was pulled for someone trashing their room. These alarms happen a lot and are very unsettling.


Then there is visiting time.

Then Lunch, which is usually be pre made sandwiches.

Then Medication again. 

Sometimes if the Occupational therapist is in she will come and open the art room, so we can do something creative or if it’s the day the dog comes in we will pet the dog.

There are also Three tv rooms, one massive one then two more private ones. But if you want to change the channel good luck trying to find the remote.

There are Two quiet rooms

To your surprise we have our own bedroom with own shower/toilet/ sink. With a paper curtain, no doors and a shelf for clothes. We can have a personal key to lock it. We can access it at any time day or night.
Windows strong and mental so can’t get out


There is a beautiful garden which can be accessed through the canteen or through the large to room. It’s got really high metal fences, and there are flower arrangements which are so pretty.

Visiting hours are very strict your only allowed in the dinning room, and through to the garden or the Hub which is a oval shaped room in the middle of the ward, there is sofas, chairs, tables and a table tennis table. It’s pretty relaxed in there. There are three visiting hours a day.

I stress so much about ward round, the days and times are changed nearly every week. It’s very unsettling. I’ve also now been told my consultant is off for two weeks, causes so much anxiety. In ward round your able to talk about possible medication changes, any side effects from medications and about possible leave/discharge.

You can come in to the hospital two ways. Under a Sectioned or as a Voluntary patient. The main difference is leave, if you have chose to be here you can go out on leave alone a lot more than if you are sectioned. Also if your voluntary then you can ask to discharge your self, they can say no and if you still adiment your going, they can section you. I feel there isn’t too much difference.

Leave can be given by your consultant if your sectioned and most likely it will be escorted leave, someone with you at all times. But if your in here voluntary then you can just ask the nurses if you can go when you want between 10am and 8pm, sometimes they may say no and if you are still wanting to go they can section you for a few hours/day to prevent you leaving the ward.

Cleaners come round everyday. They are meant to hoover, and mop the floor and clean the bathroom. And also they do the communal areas too.

Everyday your meant to be offered your One to one with your named nurse for that day.

Care plan is given to you when you’ve been on the ward a few days and the nurses, doctors and consultants can have an input on what needs to be worked on while on the ward and things you may need help with.

Observation levels will depend on how much of a risk the staff think you are. These can change from being 2:1 which is two staff with you at all times. Then 1:1 which is one stag always with you, then level 3 this means every 15 ministers your meant to be checked on, or level 4 is when your checked on hourly. These are good opportunities to ask the staff for help if you aren’t brace enough to leave your room.

What you can and cant have here…

They are very strict about what you can and can’t have. I’m not going to go in to detail because I don’t want to give others any ideas.

Around the ward there are really nice pictures. I think there meant to give hope and to show you beauty.

The ward I was in your allowed to have phones but they get charged in a cupboard.

I know all wards are different, so there may not be the same things I’ve described.

I hope you all stay well and I’m here if you need to talk.

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Mind mental health booklets.

Mind do these amazing booklets with lots of information that I think is really important to know.

There about Anxiety, Personality disorder and Schizophrenia. Although they do more, I have these ones as they are the illnesses that I have.

Mind is a charity in the uk which have many ways of supporting people with mental illness, check out there website…

https://www.mind.org.uk/

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Hang in there.

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I like to blog but forget to look for other blogs? Is it just me.

I enjoy writing blog posts especially as it’s a way to get rid of feelings and to let others know what’s going on. 

But I forget to look for other blogsz I’m sure there are loads out there in similar situations and I want to be able to share experiences and keep up with what life is throwing at you. So I’m going to find new blogs to follow, why don’t you join me… search something that relates to you and follow some new amazing blogs. Xx

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Mental health

Hey followers, I need your help?

Hey, hope your well? 

Do you have any ideas of tag and catagories I could/should use? I need help want to reach more people. My posts are realated to mental health, and cats. 
Keep fighting. Xxxx