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Anxiety Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations Mental health mental health blogger psychosis scared Schizophrenia spying

The Spying Spider is back

This is a photo in Took from my window in the mental health unit. It just proves that they are spying on me. I’m always scare and this is the reason why…

They are always spying on me. I dont feel safe from the one place i should. The mental health hospital just down the road

Please save me.

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Anxiety blogger Emotionally unstable personality disorder Mental health mental health blogger nature Personality disorder psychosis scared Schizophrenia spying Voices

There’s no hiding from the spy’s! (Spyders)

There is no escape,

I’m so scared of them.

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31 day blog challenge Mental health

Day 17- Do I believe in heaven and hell

Yes I do, I think.

I think heaven is where you go when you die if you’ve been good and he’ll if your bad.

But I don’t know what I think those places are going to be like. And it still scares me about dying.

I think when I die I will meet those people who I love and that already gone to heaven. My man and brother. But I’m not sure if they will be the same age as when they died or if they will grow up.

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Anxiety Daily update delusions Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations hospital Medication Mental health Nhs Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis Schizophrenia Sectioned spying Support worker Therapy Voices

I’m 100% sure I’m being spied on!

Okay, so yes in the past my post have been about this but it all calmed down until now I’ve noticed a lot of things have been going on with out me focusing too much on it.

The spiders everywhere, I’m killing and keeping them. EVIDENCE!!!

I want to call the police but they are connected to the government, they will get me locked away somewhere.

I don’t want the government to know I’m on to them.

I know they are probably going to try to get mental health workers involved, and at the moment I’m not seeing them. And collecting my medication from the hospital.

Another problem is the medication I have no clue what they are putting in it other than if I try to stop it makes me have really bad withdrawals.

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Mental health

Photos of my writing ramblings.

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Mental health

Hey followers, I need your help?

Hey, hope your well? 

Do you have any ideas of tag and catagories I could/should use? I need help want to reach more people. My posts are realated to mental health, and cats. 
Keep fighting. Xxxx

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anorexia Anxiety Carer Daily update delusions depression Diary Disappointment Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions hallucinations Health healthy hospital Medication Mental health Mental health act Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm spying Support worker Therapy Voices Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

Sectioned day five 23 to go? 

I had Ward round yesterday, didn’t go as planned I was 100% hopeful I was going to be discharged. I was on level three someone with me at all times. I went in to the ward round believeing I was going home because all the staff that had been me told me I could probably go home. So going in there and coming out with better medication plan, and a plan to possibly someleave if my level two goes okay, so now I’m only checked every 15 minutes, but honestly they don’t keep to that they do it when ever they want roughly around once an hour. So I finally have Privacy to go to the toilet,  it’s seriously a luxury.

It will only take one stone to fall and destroy all current progress. 

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Anxiety Carer Cpn Daily update delusions depression Diary Disappointment Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions hallucinations Health healthy hospital Medication Mental health Mental health act Nhs Now Past Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm spying Support worker Therapy Voices Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

Day 4 of being sectioned.

My first few days started off okay was a few blips, but I felt with it okay. 

On day two at night things came to much it all built up so much with the thoughts going around and around and the voices taking control that I could no longer control it. I harmed and the alarms were pulled, I did it four times, they had to literally drag me away from the wall. I hate myself for that choice. Since I’ve been put back on level 3 which is where you have no privacy and your followed everywhere, always a member of staff with you one to one. 

Yesterday I spoke to my main nurse she was great and had a brilliant idea of when you get worked up go in to the garden and listen to music, shower etc, some good points which I had not thought about. I have no thoughts of harming I just want my medication to be better and then to get out. I want to do a skydive when I get out to make a statement that I want to live my life to the fullest.

I had my first shower last night, it felt amazing. I’m in clean clothes and I’m sat writing this post hoping they will get a doctor so my observations can be re thought about, I would like some privacy. 

I need my medication to be sorted, there’s no point being here if they won’t even put me on the correct medication. I’m hoping by getting an advocate this will really help. My point just doesn’t seem to get listen too. Feeling a bit confused at what the point of me being here is if they don’t up my medication.
I miss my cats.

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Anxiety Carer Cpn Daily update delusions depression Diary Disappointment Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions God hallucinations Health healthy hospital Medication Mental health act Nhs Past Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm spying Support worker Therapy Voices Weight weight gain weight loss weightloss

Been sectioned.

I’ve been sectioned under section two of the mental health act.

I was going to a routine appointment with my psychiatrist and cpn, then they went out the room and brought mental health act assessments in. And you guessed it I’m now detained under the mental health act. In a mental hospital that I can’t leave, I could be here for 28 days, one day down. 

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Anxiety Cpn Daily update delusions Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations Health healthy Medication Mental health Mental health act Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis scared Schizophrenia self harm spying Support worker Therapy

Update. 26.6.17

I’ve not been taking the full does of medication. It’s making things reallly difficult but I’m still not in the belief that the medication will fix how I feel and things that are going on. 

I’ve nearly halved my antipsychotic medication, I’ve been messing round with anxiety medication and my hear medication. 

Honestly, I’m struggling more than I show to everyone. Every second of every minute the voices are really tournamenting me, commanding me to hurt myself, and to end my life. As you can probably guess I’m still alive so I haven’t listened to them as much as they would like. 

I’m scared, and I can not cope any more, but I’m not willing to do what everyone thinks will help and take the medication, I don’t believe it will help or solve the problems I’m up against right now.

No one understands!