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angry Anxiety Dad Daily update Disappointment Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions family Future Lonely Mental health Mum scared self harm Sisters

Family? 

I texted them all today, saying I loved them. Only dad replied but wanted to know if everything was okay as I don’t normally just text that. I lied and said all was okay.

So they all think I’m okay. My sister has completely blocked me on everything, which has hit me hard. Mum said it’s my fault as I put on Facebook about having to go to hospital. And she isn’t old enough for things like that, by the way she is 16 years old. My sister told me the other day she was talking to a friend who wanted to kill them selves so how can she deal with that but not deal with me saying I was in hospital. It’s just there excuse. To cover up the real reason that they don’t want me in their life! 

I’ve deactivated my Facebook. I will escape everything in there. I rang there home phone about 30 minutes ago and the sister that’s blocked me answered, I asked her a few questions I either got silence or an answer I didn’t want to hear. So from that I decided that actually I don’t get included in anything to do with them as a family, no one really cares or knows whether I’m alive unless I text them first. So I’ve texted mum saying I no long want to be hurt and left out so I’m taking the step to remove myself from my family. It’s the only way I can see things being able to cope. 

Things aren’t great and I hate everything about myself. 

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Anxiety Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder family Mental health Personality disorder psychiatrist Schizophrenia self harm Support worker Therapy Voices

Really wish I could reach out for help, but always regret it.

I reached out for help, I called my gp and he is too busy talk, and I called my cpn is off. My therapist is off and I’ve just recieved a text from support worker, to meet tomorrow, but I’m hoping I won’t be here tomorrow. I’m making plans to leave. I want to make sure everything is going to go right. I feel really unsafe. There’s too much going on in my head, the voices, thoughts, feelings, I just can’t cope. I’m hoping this will be my last post, but I really need to let my family know, I’m sorry I was such a failure. I’m sorry I always do things wrong. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. 

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Mental health

Miss my family

I know I moan about them a lot but I love and miss them so much. I’m hoping I can go to see them really soon. I love them. I hope there all safe and well. 

My family complete me. 

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Uncategorized

Last night. 

Last night there was a power cut, it made me very anxious as it went pitch dark all of a sudden. I then received a text from my sister who lives very close to me asking if I was okay and that the whole block was out of power. I then received a text from my mum asking if I want to go and stay over there. I’m so shocked by this because they cared and were very thoughtful. I thought my family don’t like me and don’t care. But they really surprised me. 

I need to try and remember things like this, how nice they can be. 

I also went over my families house and was able to swap my car battery. Also my sister who has been off with me since new year actually talked to me and gave me a hug. 

Things really do look like they are going okay.