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family Mental health mental health blogger Past

No wonder I can’t trust.

All my life I’ve been betrayed. When I was younger my parents used to look through my diary without my permission, that’s the one place. I used to feel able too express how I was feeling until that got taken away from me then it was my phone behind my back then used as a punishment, then my school work. I only found out about some of these because there are photo copies of my diary and school work in my mental health records when I requested them. I now have photo copies of everything my parents did behind my back. No wonder I don’t feel I can be honest or open up to anyone.

I can not trust anyone. Every time I think I can, I find out I can’t.

Then when I had my own place my cousin would go through my phone. I only found out one night because Siri accidentally went off. I mean how wrong is that. I thought I could trust him.

I did a poll on my Instagram and 54 people said it’s not ok! I think that says it all.

So next time someone says why can’t you trust anyone! Here is why.

I hate that it will effect me for the rest of my life.

I know I need to get past the anger and move on but HOW?

I don’t know how to. I’ve been betrayed my whole life and now I have to live in fear of my privacy always being taken away from me.

Any ideas of how to get feelings and emotions out when you have no privacy?

By the way yes I’m an adult and it still happens!

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family Mental health

My Mother’s Day daffodils and card from my niece as I’m her God mother.

So grateful, this means so much too me. I love my niece/ God daughter,

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Mental health update.

So I haven’t done a proper mental health update for a while and as it’s coming to the end of the year I’m going too do an update.

I have been sectioned twice in the last few months. I’m now out of hospital after a pretty traumatic time in there!

Since coming out of hospital I’ve stopped my medication.

I’ve put on three stone since being inpatient and put on medication.

I was eating all the foods I fancied and this made me gain so much weight so quickly as well as basically sat on my bed all day everyday. Also put back on too antipsychotic medication.

So since I’ve came out of hospital I weighed myself and I was so shocked! I’ve started diet pills and my gp referred me to slimming world which I start tomorrow.

I’ve stopped the antipsychotic medication and I’m currently doing ok. I’m going to my meetings, keeping myself active everyday and trying to push though all the bad thoughts and voices!

I went too a private Therapist to start therapy but I’ve decided I want to wait a bit. I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk about my past and trauma, even though I feel it’s holding me back!

Unfortunately I’ve started drinking too much Alcohol. This is probably not helping with my weight!

I’m looking forward to Christmas this year! I’m trying to make it a brilliant time for my family! I know it’s going to be really tricky and I’m going to get upset with my mums behaviour, but I want to make my family happy so I’m going to try my best to stay strong!

I’m really trying so hard to get along with my Family!

So I guess that’s where I’m up too!

I hope you all have a good Christmas and stay safe!

I’m here for anyone if you want to talk or struggling!

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family Mental health

How will I cope with Christmas at my family’s ????

I’m really not sure, I was so optimistic about Christmas this year. I was so looking forward too it until today!!

I’ve been over my families for a few hours, and they are all so rude, and don’t treat each other with respect!

I hate the way they treat the animals, and I just do not fit in! I can’t tell them anything or talking to them about they way they treat each other!

I don’t know how I’m going too do this!?

I need to be strong and try to have a good Christmas!

I need to make their Christmas really special and I don’t know how too?

I need to try and cope!

Christmas is normally a really difficult time and I’m hoping this year can be different!

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family Mental health

How will I cope with Christmas at my family’s ????

I’m really not sure, I was so optimistic about Christmas this year. I was so looking forward too it until today!!

I’ve been over my families for a few hours, and they are all so rude, and don’t treat each other with respect!

I hate the way they treat the animals, and I just do not fit in! I can’t tell them anything or talking to them about they way they treat each other!

I don’t know how I’m going too do this!?

I need to be strong and try to have a good Christmas!

I need to make their Christmas really special and I don’t know how too?

I need to try and cope!

Christmas is normally a really difficult time and I’m hoping this year can be different!

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family Mental health

How will I cope with Christmas at my family’s ????

I’m really not sure, I was so optimistic about Christmas this year. I was so looking forward too it until today!!

I’ve been over my families for a few hours, and they are all so rude, and don’t treat each other with respect!

I hate the way they treat the animals, and I just do not fit in! I can’t tell them anything or talking to them about they way they treat each other!

I don’t know how I’m going too do this!?

I need to be strong and try to have a good Christmas!

I need to make their Christmas really special and I don’t know how too?

I need to try and cope!

Christmas is normally a really difficult time and I’m hoping this year can be different!

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family Mental health Sisters

Will I ever be a good big sister?

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!

Mention of self harm and suicide!

I’m the oldest of us four girls.

I was never a good big sister growing up.

My mental health got in the way of that.

Instead of looking after my sisters and being a good role model, I was harming, not eating and attempting suicide nearly ever other day.

I wish I was there for them, but now they all seem to be getting along so well without me.

I feel so left out.

They all talk to each other, and do things together and then there is me who tries to fit in but it’s obvious I’m an outsider!

How can I fit in more? What can I do to be the big sister and role model that I wish I was!

I hate who I have become. I need to be a better person!

Most of the time I feel things would be best for them if I wasn’t here or getting in the way.

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family Mental health

My niece came over,

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Goal this year.

I’m now 27, time to get my life on track.

These are goals I want to achieve this year!

I want to work on my Weight, get down to 9 stone minimum, by eating healthy and going on walks!

I’m going to try to get out the flat every day.

I want to get a Job at animal antics, but first go there to volunteer.

I want to work on get driving again.

Family. I want to work on seeing my family more. I want to make the effort to spend time with them!

Be more responsible for my own life and care. Try to make meals for myself. Try to take care of my own medication.

Make friends. I want to go out and make friends. I want to have a good support network.

fit and healthy, is a good thing for my life! I need to be able to go places and see the world. (At least England)

No self harm- one whole year. (nothing!) i can do this!

Save money.

Move to the beach

Get a tattoo designed by my favourite cousin.

I think that is a lot to work on but I can do it.

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diet Food Mental health

Mammoth dinner at my families home!