There has been lots of tears, restraints, injections, prn, and anxiety but I’m starting to feel better.
Last Tuesday they decided they were going to give me the depot of haloperidol instead of the daily injections that were causing me so much distress.
It’s only 4 days after and I feel a difference already, the voices have died down, I’m no longer following there commands about harming myself or not eating.
I hadn’t eaten in 2 and a half weeks due to the voices telling me the food was poisoned, but since the depot I’ve managed to start eating, i did loose 20 lbs in the weeks that I wasn’t eating, I am scared that now I’m going to put all that weight back on but now I’ve got an even bigger reason to loose as much weight as I can now.
I had appealed my section called a Tribunal but I didn’t win it as I’m still here. It was horrible listening to them all talk about me and what’s wrong with me and why I’m not safe. An because of covid we were all on the phone, so we couldn’t see each other. Anyway I lost and I’m still here under section 2.
I have had a lot of falling out with my family since being in here, I hate the fact that they go behind my back to get information about me and my care when it clearly states on my notes not to share any information with them. Why should I? They never tell me when my team have been in touch with them. It’s horrible knowing everyone is going behind my back, it’s my cate talk to me!!!!
Ward round went well on Thursday, the consultant said I can be discharged this week coming. Which I’m happy about but I don’t think it’s going to be as simple as waking up tomorrow, packing and walking out the door, they have been talking about a CTO, which would mean I have to have another mental health act assessment and put on section 3 just to be put on a CTO.
My understanding of the CTO is that if I refuse the depot or mental health declines than I can be brought back in to hospital under section 3 automatically. Which is scary.
On Friday I went on my first escorted leave since arriving nearly 3 weeks ago. It was so nice to get out, the rain stopped for us and a nurse that I trust and get on well with took me. We had a really good chat. She also supported me to get my first meal here. Which I’m so great full for.
The occupational therapist spent some one to one time with me and she painted my nails. Gave me a sheet to colour and a puzzle to do in my room.
So as it stands now. I’m hopefully going home one day this week, I hope it’s really soon as I can’t wait to see my cats, sleep in my own bed and have a shave.
It’s amazing the difference one medication can make. I feel like a different person.
I will admit I didn’t realise I’ve been here this long, and luckily I don’t remember much about the distressing times.
Hopefully I will be home soon and back on the life I want to lead.
All I do is look through my phone by the end of this i will have phone prints on my hands.
I’m scared it’s scary dealing with all this uncertainty on your own,
I’m bored what should I do?
I have so much I could do but how do I get the motivation to actually do it????
I feel I’m not doing enough to help others.
I can’t get out to do my own shopping and there are no delivery slots available, but luckily today my cousin has offered to do it.
Honestly so scared with this situation, I know people keep saying it’s simple all your being asked to do is stay at hone. How can I feel safe though, how can I not feel alone, how can I not escape this reality I’m living in!