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Crisis appointment explained!

They gave me some diazepam with the contract that I have to see the crisis team over the weekend!

If I dont they are considering a mental health act assessment!!!!


Can you be sectioned if you arent self harming or suicidal?

Please answer if you can.

They agreed to leave the antipsychotic for now because I refused to take it!

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How do I tone belly fat and thighs.


I’ve been loosing weight and I really need to tone my belly fat and thighs.

It wobbles so much. My weight is going down and I’m not sure to help it not wobble like jelly.

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The Spying Spider is back

This is a photo in Took from my window in the mental health unit. It just proves that they are spying on me. I’m always scare and this is the reason why…

They are always spying on me. I dont feel safe from the one place i should. The mental health hospital just down the road

Please save me.

Mental health

Old friend

I haven’t see this friend in years and now she wants to stay at mine. I’m so scare what should I do.

When we were friends I was anorexic and now Im over weight. I haven’t sent her since we were in school, which was 4 years ago, and she left to go back to Manchester, and I wasn’t able to get to say good bye. I hated and that’s why i so worried about seeing her.

I know that she isn’t a judgmental but im more worried that i dont know what to wear. She suggested we could go to down clubbing, i havent been clubbing. How do i do this.

Help me. What should i do?

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Swallowing trouble … is it anxiety?

I’ve had a problem swallowing (mainly food) for a while now, it fluctuates. Sometimes I can swallow fine and other times I’m chocking.

Is it anxiety or is there something wrong?

I don’t feel like there is anything stopping the food other than swallowing the food. I do panic and try to cough the food back up.

Any ideas?

My doctor knows but isn’t sure what it is.

I did have anorexia a while back but in recovery from that. Although I still want to watch my weight and food.

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I’m gaining weight… help me!

I’ve gained weights

I really need to loose weight before I loose respect for myself.

I drink diet soda (too much) and water daily.

I’m on medication that makes me hungry and crave food especially at night time. I snack on the wrong things and at the wrong times.

I exercise an okay amount , I do want to increase it though, but my medication makes me sleepy, which makes it hard to get to the gym at night, when I won’t be alone.

Anyone around to bu weight loss buddies I’m 145lbs and want to loose a lot of weight.

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I’m more than my illnesses.

Yes I'm ill both physically and mentally, but I have a life away from this.

Everyday. When I wake up, I can't help but think that I don't want to live another day with the symptoms, mainly the voices, anxiety, and dizziness are the ones that effect me the most.

Today I'm trying to focus on things I do that aren't related to my illnesses.

I'm spending time with my cats and they are getting a present today, will post a picture later.

I've spoke to my family. I've had a tidy up, I'm going to continue to do blog posts, watching some things that wasn't illness related.

Even though I'm trying really hard to not think about my illnesses or give in to them, The voices are trying their best to get my full attention.

I don't know if I can do this, my life has just been built around the illnesses! I want to be more than them but I don't know how.

Any advice or tips?

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I can’t live with out this, but it could also kill me. 

Trigger warning:
I’m willing to take that risk. 


” you have so much to live for.”

“You can’t leave your family behind to deal with your death.”


Does anyone care about me, and how I feel. I don’t choose to be or feel like this. So unless you understand what it’s like to hear voices that want you to kill yourself and have so much anxiety you are terrified of everything, then please don’t say anything to me! You haven’t lived my life. 

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Plan A

I need to get the device out of my body, so they can no longer track me, and see where I’m going. That way I will feel safer as they won’t be able to prepare to get my DNA if they don’t know where I am and where I’m going. How do I get it out, I’m going to have to get it somewhere that’s easy to get out, I can feel it in my head at the moment, I can’t get it out while it’s in there. 

Then I will Run away, I will be free, I can go where ever I want and be a bit safer than what I was with the device in. 

To keep myself protected, I will need to keep a Bible, my personalised bracelet and necklace, and any candel, these will all make the devil stay away from me personally. I think I will be safe. Unfortunately there’s no guarantee. So I’m glad I’m documenting it on here, if anything happens, at least someone knew, and they can look back on these and know I was telling the truth, and tried to warn people. 

I’m unsure what to do about the voices, do I listen to them or ignore them? It’s a difficult one as they are mean most of the time, but sometimes they do give some good advice and solutions. I think my plan right now would be to ignore the bad voices and bad things they are saying and just listen to Gods voice, and maybe listen when the devil speaks to me Incase he gives clues to what is happening. It will be difficult to choose which ones to listen too, it’s so much easier if I don’t listen to any of them, or choosing that I will listen to them, and then I get overwhelmed. 

I don’t have a Medication plan at the moment. I keep feeling different about it, my mind changes too many times, and never stick to what I’ve previously thought. Also no plan of what to do about alcohol, I think I’m going to have to leave this one to decide what’s best at the times I want it. 

I’m writing everything down, this is my proof of the spying. I’m not safe anywhere, all I want is to feel safe.
Mislead the devil, don’t tell him the plan. Will this work? I have no idea, but I’m going to try. I feel as though the more blood I get out the more control I have over the devil and voices. They voices and spying is causing me so much pain and anxiety. I wish I could get rid if them so I don’t have to feel anxious. I keep hearing unusual noises, it’s making me worried, I’m not sure what I can do about it though. 

I want to be free, I need some help. I want a break, please just a little break from my head, thoughts, voices and the spying. Help me please. No one understands, help me. 

Mental health

Do I do too many posts? 

Be honest, what do you want to see? 

More or less posts?

What do you want the posts to be about?

What interest you about my blog?

Would you like my blog to be more of a support for yourself and others or me expressing my experiences? 

Long or short posts?

What tags and categories are best, which do you prefer? 

Any help and support will be great, I want to make the most of this blog and also for others to make the most of the blog.

Originally I had done the blog to use as a diary, but as times gone on I’m blogging about all different kind of things, things that are and that aren’t mental health related. 

What’s best?