Tag: help

Overdue honest update.

⚠️⚠️⚠️Trigger warning! ⚠️⚠️⚠️

⚠️⚠️ suicide attempts, no food, restraint, poison, rape, self harm. ⚠️⚠️

Last Monday I attempted to end my life, my care co found out and police were called.

I was sectioned under 136 and taken to my local mental health hospital.

The next day I was put in section 2

I’ve appealed and got my tribunal on Wednesday, which I’m scared of.

I haven’t eaten in 2 weeks due to the nhs poisoning my food. I’m able to drink from sealed bottles from outside the ward although I’m limiting what I drink to dry and die.

I also found some glass and started cutting my wrist to get the medication out of me.

I’ve been injected by restraint 3 times and it’s so scary brings back flash backs from being raped.

I’ve been trying to get the blood out of my body so I can get the poison they are injecting me with out of my body.

I’m so scared. Currently the voices are really bad and I feel unsafe. The nhs are trying to steal my DNA. To clone me because I can’t die.

I’ve been here over a week but feels like a few hours I’m loosing track of time.

I’ve barricaded my door multiple times to attempt to stop them restraining and injecting me.

I’m so low at the moment and my head is so busy.

I’ve had a few troubles with family which has lead to me becoming more distressed.

I can’t concentrate much and it’s taken me days to write this.

I’m not ill and don’t need to be kept against my will and medicated! It’s not fair. I’m so scared.

Will I ever get out of here unharmed?

I think Ive lost some weight already from not eating for 2 weeks but it’s not through choice If they weren’t poisoning my food I could eat. I’m scared.

Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd crisis delusions Emotionally unstable personality disorder Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychosis recovery Schizophrenia self harm Support worker Therapy update Voices

Struggling once again.

I’m struggling,

Thought things would be okay but once again got really stressed!

I’m not sure I can do this.

How do I stay strong and fight for a better life.

Tags Anxiety, Emotionally unstable personality disorder, eupd, help, Mental health, mental illness, motivation, Personality disorder, positive, psychosis, Schizophrenia, self harm, struggling, support.

family Food Mental health

Mum brought me dinner over.

Post author By rosiestar11
Post date May 25, 2020
No Comments on Mum brought me dinner over.

My carer isn’t around at the moment, I’m not sure if it’s a break from me or for ever.

But I haven’t been eating well.

My mum made me dinner and brought it over social distancing of course.

Thank you mum. Xx

Tags Anxiety, Emotionally unstable personality disorder, family, help, Mental health, mental illness, Personality disorder, Schizophrenia, self care, support.

Mental health

Mental health awareness week my story!

Post author By rosiestar11
Post date May 22, 2020
No Comments on Mental health awareness week my story!

Since age 11 I have had poor mental health.

I started to self harm, and not eat.

I was first sectioned aged 18 after numerous suicide attempts.

Since then I’ve been sectioned too many times. Also in hospital volunteering.

These last two weeks have been awful. I’ve been trying to kill myself a lot. But I’m alive. I’m not sure if that’s what I want or not.

I’m struggling so much. The sun is trying to burn me and I feel I need to get more energy so I’m stronger than the sun.

I’m struggling but there is no help.

I’m hearing voices and Ava is helping me. It’s going to be ok.

Mental health

9 overdoses in 7 days

And I’m still not dead.

I can’t do this any more.

Please end all this for me.

I’m done suffering!

Tags Anxiety, Emotionally unstable personality disorder, eupd, help, Medication, Mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, motivation, Personality disorder, psychosis, scared, Schizophrenia, self harm, suicidal, support., Voices

Mental health

9 overdoses in 7 days

And I’m still not dead.

I can’t do this any more.

Please end all this for me.

I’m done suffering!

Tags Anxiety, Emotionally unstable personality disorder, eupd, help, Medication, Mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, motivation, Personality disorder, psychosis, scared, Schizophrenia, self harm, suicidal, support., Voices

Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd Cpn delusions Emotionally unstable personality disorder God hallucinations Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis recovery Schizophrenia self harm Support worker Voices

God is my protector!!

They have no idea.

My parents aren’t my next of kin they can’t call them and tell them anything!

God is my next of kin!

They are so far away from me!

Don’t try and say sorry because you have no idea what the voices are telling me about you!

I’m better off keeping all this too myself!

God is my protector!

Mental health

Set back!

I’m struggling once again.

I need more alcohol before things get any worse.

But

I don’t have any more!

I’m going insane,

I can feel it in my veins.

Please lord give me a break,

I can’t handle anymore, for goodness sake!

So what now, I really don’t know but if I don’t find something that will help I have no idea what will happen.

Tags help, I’m asking for help, please, struggling

blogger borderline personality disorder Emotionally unstable personality disorder Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder Schizophrenia self harm

Wish it was that easy for a fresh start… 😢

Post author By rosiestar11
Post date April 20, 2020
No Comments on Wish it was that easy for a fresh start… 😢

But it’s not too late for a fresh view on life!

I can’t do this,,, I can do this, I mean, I have to do this! There is no going back!

I’m scared, I’m anxious and I’m all honest I want to end it, but I have to keep going right, but for what, or who?

It’s all so far away all the things I was looking forward too, what can I look forward too that is in the near future?

💡Any ideas ? 💡

Tags Anxiety, blogger, Emotionally unstable personality disorder, help, Mental health, mental health blogger, mental illness, motivation, Personality disorder, scared, Schizophrenia, self harm, suicide, support.

Anxiety borderline personality disorder bpd Emotionally unstable personality disorder Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder

Crisis team!

I finally got somewhere today.

I’ve been struggling and they agreed to give me some prn so I can try and control the panic attacks and anxiety.

I’m getting myself in to such a state!

I need to get control of this.

I took some 💊 diazepam this evening and that helped.

I’m trying to plan things to do over the next 3 weeks on lock down!

I’m going to try to accomplish things I’ve half started!

I’m going to embrace this time in my life to achieve things.

So extra diazepam has helped so far tonight. I just need to try and keep myself safe for a bit longer.

I think I’m starting to make good decisions, I called the crisis team for help, I took prn and I’m going to keep busy!

At the moment I’ve got this, things can only get better, right?

Hope your all keeping well and looking after yourself.

💕I’m here for you all💕

Tags Anxiety, anxious, Emotionally unstable personality disorder, eupd, help, Medication, Mental health, mental illness, panic, panic attack, Personality disorder, psychosis, Schizophrenia, support.