Mental health update

Been discharged a week, what have I been up too…

So today marks a week out of inpatient.

I’m so glad I’m home.

I thought it was going to be a lot easier than I’ve actually found it.

I’ve been very lonely and started to use old coping mechanisms.

Today is the first day I’ve felt in control.

So I’ve worked through my todo list, and now I’m having a bath, and listening to my favourite songs.

I’m starting to look after my appearance.

My job has moved a lot further, both references are done and the occupational health assessment has been done. I’m waiting for the report of that to come back and then a start date.

I’m scared in case it doesn’t happen and go through because of my mental health but I feel 100% ready to do this job.

I’ve seen my family this week, which I will admit has been pretty stressful, but it was still nice to see them.

I’ve been the the animal therapy farm and had a cuddle with a ducklings. I had an amazing time.

I’ve started to work on loosing weight and getting healthy.

It’s been so lovely seeing and BBC spending time with my cats.

So overall I think things are going ok and I can’t wait to start living not just surviving!

blogger borderline personality disorder bpd Emotionally unstable personality disorder hospital Mental health Mental health act mental health blogger Personality disorder psychosis Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm

Ive got 24 hours until ward round!

Im anxious about it. Last week he said “you need to be on an antipsychotic, but I don’t mind which one as long as its one.”

I choose quetiapine because it’s been ok in the past and I can’t keep being threatened with injection as you can’t inject it.

I took it twice in the last week and managed to go on leave.

I refused to come back so my leave had been removed.

Tomorrow in ward round I’m asking if I can be discharged. If this was a real hospital they would discharge me because I’m not ill and refusing treatment.

My section end on the 10th if he doesn’t discharge me! So I will be going home then. I’m not sure if he can extend it or what could happen if he wants me to still take the antipsychotics?

Anyone know the procedure if he refuses to discharge me?

Can they keep me in?

Mental health

They are so confusing!!!

They say I have to comply with the medications

but they then say it’s one tablet wait and take it when your next medication is due, in a couple of hours time!

So frustrating!

Why do I try!

Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd Cpn Daily update Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations hospital Medication Mental health Mental health act mental health blogger Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis scared Schizophrenia Sectioned spying Voices

Ward round update.

I got two hours escorted leave if I take the medication (quetiapine) .

I will take it but I won’t keep it in me. I’m not going to be poisoned by them and be rewarded like a dog!

I’ve got my tribunal next week! They could discharge me!

And if not

I have my managers hearing on the 6th November.

My section is due to end on the 10th November.

I just want to go home.

Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd hospital Mental health Mental health act mental health blogger Personality disorder psychosis Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Voices

A&e for concussion!

Had to go from the acute psychiatric hospital too accident and emergency for concussion!

I couldn’t open one of my eyes because it was so swallen. And had a big bruise and cut after harming for 5 hours straight and staff not helping even though they could see I was distressed.

I had a CT scan but was all ok so after a night in a&e I’m ok just concussion.

Appreciate the Harry Potter pjs.

I didn’t run away, mainly because I had two staff with me and my cousin, I know I could have but hopefully if I behave I can get leave in ward round on Thursday.

Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd Cpn delusions depression Diary Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations healthy Medication Mental health Mental health act mental health blogger Nhs Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis scared Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Support worker Therapy Voices Weight

Update… sectioned!

Sorry for lack of updates and the long post!

I’ve been sectioned on section 2 of the mental health act.

I’m not 100% sure why other than refusing antipsychotic medications!

Since being in this psychiatric hospital on a locked ward I’ve escaped twice and needed escorted to a & e by two members of staff due to concussion!

Day one I was in seclusion with a rip proof dress and blanket, NOTHING ELSE! I was stripped naked in front of lots of staff restraining me! I was in seclusion because I was upset and angry about being in hospital. I was there for over 5 hours in a locked room! IT WAS HORRIBLE!

I only managed to get out if I accepted to take Olanzapine and my other night medications. They said if I didn’t take it I would be injected! So I took it.

I was then showed to my room, EVERYTHING searched! I will admit they were useless I’ve got things I wouldn’t allow a patient to have, but I’ve been strong and not used them yet!

I then threw up the medication on purpose but I don’t think I got it all because I started getting really sleepy and dizzy! I started walking around the ward shouting I want the antidote! I then fell asleep.

When I woke there was spyders everywhere, I was terrified! I don’t know which ones were real. There was one in the light which I think I’ve already posted a photo of!

I don’t remember much about the first week, I know I was scared. I was throwing up the medication, refusing to eat and drink anything that wasn’t sealed and brought in from outside the hospital!

Currently I’m taking all the medication that is prescribed and I’m eating and drinking from sealed drinks and foods.

In the first week I’ve been restrained a number of times, from escaping from the first door and hurting myself due to the voices being too overwhelming. They kept threatening to inject me but thankfully they haven’t!

I am Appealing my section and I’ve met a solicitor.

Care plan is interesting as since I’ve read it it says diagnosis is paranoid schizophrenia but earlier in the week I was told I no longer have a psychotic illness, so I’m not really sure what’s going on or whats wrong with me, if anything!

The Voices have been pretty bad. I’m struggling to cope with them, but I’m using prn (lorazepam) and writing all the time. I’ve always got music playing!

Visions are starting me in not sure what is real or not.

Spying feels like it’s got worse probably due to the fact the hospital I’m in I think we’re and are the ones spying on me.

I will try to keep updating regularly.

Hope your all ok! Xxxx

Anxiety borderline personality disorder bpd delusions Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations hospital Medication Mental health Mental health act mental health blogger Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis scared Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Voices

I was sectioned!

They came to my place. We had a chat I was drunk, I listened to the voices and their plan worked.

They let me stay at home!

But I got told I would be assessed again because I’m so unwell from my cousin!

I believed him so I tried to jump out of my window! So that I can damage myself and run away so I can’t be tortured.

The police came they said she wasn’t sectioned she has capacity and left.

The mental health team were then called back and said an ambulance in on its way and she is now sectioned.

They showed up and I tried to do a runner but got caught both times. But one was before I got to hospital and one walking in.

I got restrained, and put in seclusion. I was stripped naked with everyone watching.

Given a dress and blanket both rip proof.

And left there for 7 and a half hours on my own in a locked room!

Then they agreed if I took the meds I could leave the room.Olanzapine, zopicone and pregabline.

I didn’t want to take olanzapine the antipsychotic but they said the would inject me and I would stay in the cell all night.

So I agreed and went to my room and swiftly threw up!

I now have no olanzapine in me and I’m out of the room!

They said I was aggressive and abusive and possibly hurt someone!

I don’t remember I don’t even remember my cousin leaving! I miss him so much but it must have been horrible to see what they did!

hospital Mental health Mental health act Sectioned

Today is 1 month out of hospital inpatient.

I can't believe it that one month has flown by, so much has happened some good and some bad.

I still haven't settled in from when I was in hospital but I think that's because everything's been so unpredictable and caused a lot of changes.

I'm really hoping I can beat my record of not going in to hospital in years, especially being sectioned!
I need to stay strong, but I know I can do it.

I think my plans are g oing to be,

  • Try and control self harm,
  • Focus on weight loss,
  • Spend time with family,
  • Get organised,
  • Challenge myself, (e.g. Go to church)
  • Keep medication the same,
  • Keep appointments the same,
  • Positive times,

Life will challenge you, stay strong!

Anxiety Carer Daily update delusions Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations hospital Medication Mental health Mental health act Nhs Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Support worker Therapy Voices

Why was I admitted to an acute psychiatric hospital?

I believe it was a planed plot to get me in to hospital so that they can do what ever tests and gather information about me that they want. I feel safe and unsafe, mainly from the staff. 

I did have an incident when I was here one night, things just got too much for me, but I think that's for another blog post. 

I was just going for an outpatient crisis appointment planned meeting with my psychiatrist and community psychiatric nurse, and cousin/carer. 

I did not for one second think walking in to this hospital for normal meeting that I wouldn't be able to leave. I didn't say good bye to my cats or have there food out and plans in place. 

I was so shocked I walked from the outpatient floor to the acute psychiatric inpatient ward, with out thinking or even remembering how did I get here, I think a few days later it final set in that I was here and sectioned under the mental health act and that I wouldn't be able to leave and have no idea of when I will get out? 

Anxiety Emotionally unstable personality disorder Health Medication Mental health Mental health act Personality disorder Schizophrenia Sectioned Uncategorized Voices

Do they wait to help you until it’s too late?

Mental health teams, do they really give the support you need before it gets to dramatic or too much suffering. In my experience I don’t receive the help I want and need at the time of crisis. The mental health team wait and wait, and it causes so much pain and until I get to a place where I’m so ill I’m in so much danger. I know they can’t section you until your a danger to youself or others, which is basically a state I’m constantly in. When things get so much worse everyone seems to back off. I need help why are you not listening. What help could be useful…

  • A review with psychiatrists,
  • May be increase in medication,
  • More frequent visits,
  • Or calls,

It doesn’t all have to be dramatic and sectioning and involving the police. I hate all that.

At the moment I can tell I’m slipping, I feel so low and I probably won’t get listened too or offered any extra help. The voices aren’t helping as they are telling me I can’t tell my cpn what’s going on. I’m so scared. Nothing at the moment seems to be helping. But please mental health workers listen to your patients,,, we know when we need extra help. And the times we can’t tell for our selves please be gentle and not dramatic it only causes us more panic and upset.