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Carer Mental health

I’m crying.

Here’s an well needed outlet…

This is the start of a new life. I’m now doing this on my own!

For years I’ve had a carer who was a family member but now he has left, this decision has been made because I’d like to have a boyfriend and family. This can’t all happen with a carer around.

I’m going to miss him I don’t know when I will see him again, and where he will be, I’m actually sad, I’m crying but I know change is hard and it needs to be done to get to the end goal of what I’d like from my life!

I need to start being more self efficient, and doing things on my own, I can’t rely on anyone to do anything for me. I’m on my own.

I feel sad and lonely but I’m not the only one in this, I’ve been the made focus of my careers life for years, this is a change for him too. We are both on out own now. I’m honestly scared but I need to stay strong, I know that’s what this is all for.

I’m also feeling more alone because due to the virus my care coordinator and support worker won’t be doing home visits for along time I’m scared I honestly am!

Categories
Mental health update

Week update.

Things are really hard right now.

I’m trying to make changes to my life, to get a boyfriend which means I loose the support of my carer.

This is terrifying. I’m really scared if I’m honest.

I’m not sure what I’m doing and if it the right thing to do.

I’ve been managing to not self harm, I’m loosing weight again which is good.

What am I doing, what am I trying to achieve!

I received this from someone on Instagram!
I’m so grateful!
XxX

There has been some positives this week…

  • Received that beautiful hand Made bracelet,
  • I drive my car,
  • I’ve managed to progress more on mums 50th birthday,
  • Going to spend time with sister and niece,
  • started to loose some weight,
  • Using my self soothe box,
  • Talking to a guy,
  • There’s more progression with my job checks,
  • I’m grateful for being able to make these positive changes and lives!

I can do this, I can live and survive this tough patch.

Categories
Mental health mental health blogger

🎉 Massive update! 🎉

Monday I got call asking if I would got to a job interview for Tuesday! (The next day) I only sent in the application on the Saturday!

I was so scared it was my first interview in six years!

My first proper interview!

As I was walking in to the interview it started to snowing, it was touching my face and I knew it was a sign from heaven!

I was really anxious!

But guess what I did it!

They verbally offered me the job!

I accepted!

I’m waiting for an email to confirm it!

I’ve got a job!

I’m so proud of myself. For the first time in my life, I’m proud I me!

Mental illness can not stop you carrying out your dreams! You may believe it does.

I believed it did but it doesn’t. You are in control, put in all the hard work and you can reach your dreams!

Dreams do come true!

Mental illness is not a barrier it is just a hill you have to climb up and over to reach the other side!

I’m not going to lie it’s really difficult but YOU CAN DO IT!

I believe in you!

I’m always here to talk to.

This blog has always been about my journey and recovery but I never ever believed I would get to the stage in my life where I’m able to start living not just surviving!

Life is worth it, you are worth it!

Mental illness does not stop you being who you want to be or reaching your dreams!

It’s all a journey!

🎉 Time to celebrate! 🎉

Categories
beach blogger Daily update diet Emotions Health healthy i did it Mental health mental health blogger self harm Therapy Weight weight loss weightloss

Goal this year.

I’m now 27, time to get my life on track.

These are goals I want to achieve this year!

I want to work on my Weight, get down to 9 stone minimum, by eating healthy and going on walks!

I’m going to try to get out the flat every day.

I want to get a Job at animal antics, but first go there to volunteer.

I want to work on get driving again.

Family. I want to work on seeing my family more. I want to make the effort to spend time with them!

Be more responsible for my own life and care. Try to make meals for myself. Try to take care of my own medication.

Make friends. I want to go out and make friends. I want to have a good support network.

fit and healthy, is a good thing for my life! I need to be able to go places and see the world. (At least England)

No self harm- one whole year. (nothing!) i can do this!

Save money.

Move to the beach

Get a tattoo designed by my favourite cousin.

I think that is a lot to work on but I can do it.

Categories
Mental health

Family update…

This week I’ve been calling them all every night, and then today I’ve been invited to spend time with them. I’m still with them and I normally wouldn’t be home by now.

I’m feeling a bit more settled. I’m trying not to get my hopes up as I know they will change.

My mum will not speak to me after tonight. She was going out and asked for my opinion on her dress and she was annoyed because I said I prefer the other one. Made me feel really bad like every I say or do is wrong. No wonder I’m so f**ked up. She will not talk to me I bet after tonight.

At least the last few hours have been more normal. If you can define “normal”

Categories
beauty Mental health

My night time walk…

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beauty God Mental health nature

Sun set

Categories
Mental health reborn

Dylan read to go to hospital tomorrow.

This I my Dylan. He is a silicone baby boy, but I love treating him as a real baby.

Categories
Mental health

Flashbacks

Why?????

I keep having lots of flashbacks. Why did you do this to me? I want to gain back control. I hate this so much. Help??

Why? I’m left seeing things everywhere and feeling things, you are making my life really difficult and i don’t want to give you the power over me. I want the control. Leave me alone. I don’t know how much more i can keep this up?

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Anxiety blogger Emotions family Future Health i did it Mental health mental health blogger Miscarriage nature Pregnancy Pregnant self harm Sisters

TRIGGER WARNING-scars

I’ve self harmed for years, every scar has a story and meaning. They are evidence of surviving and my life. I had this tattoo designed by scratch, the flame symbolising my brother who’s not here, and all three of my sisters chose a flower. So my arm has been changed from showing my scars and story to the love of my family

Tattoo covering my scars up.

First pic my scars… second the design…the finished tattoo.