Categories
Mental health

I’m feeling low.

I’m not sure why but I’m feeling really low.

I don’t think anyone actually wants me to be alive.

I feel so alone

Categories
Mental health

Just one word… love

My mum hasn’t told me she loves me in for as long as I can remember.

Thanks mum! I wish that you would just say” I love you”

It hurts so much.

Categories
Mental health

WROTE THIS A WEEK AGO…I’m sorry. 

Things aren’t good. I think since last Friday everything has been thrown up in the air. 

I no longer feel in control or okay. 

I feel like my head is going to explode, there’s too much going on in there. Like I said to my therapist yesterday, I don’t think I will be alive for very much longer. 

I’m not sure if I should try to fight the voices and thoughts or just go with them. It’s going to happen sooner or later. 

I am scared, its fear of the unknown. I don’t know where things are going to go from here. 

I feel I should sacrifice my body then that will be enough. I will no longer be here or be a problem, people will be able to see how sorry I am in the fact I’ve sacrificed my own life. 

Categories
Anxiety Mental health Music

I don’t know where I’d be without music. 

Music has got me through some horrible and tough times but it’s also been some amazingly good memories to songs. I can hear a song and it will bring me back to a place or memory. 

The lyrics songs help me to relate and get emotions out, without music I don’t know where I would be. 

When my mood changes, I listen to songs that fit my mood, so I can go from a really happy one feeling good and then to one that’s deep and dark, because I’ve gone sad. 

I also use music to block out the voices. Sometimes it works really well and other times, I cant hear the music because the voices are too loud and distracting me. Without music I’m not sure I could leave the flat or calm myself in times of distress. Sometimes it works better through headphones, and other times it’s better to have it blasting through my speakers. 

There are a few songs which have really traumatic memories to them. I try to avoid them, but sometimes shops play them or they are on the radio. I do try to stay away from them most of the time. But when I’m feeling really low I sometimes listen to them, so I have a reason to feel low. 

I also love listening to music when I exercise, it makes time go quicker and that means I stay exercising longer which makes my health better.