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Anxiety Emotionally unstable personality disorder Health Medication Mental health Mental health act Personality disorder Schizophrenia Sectioned Uncategorized Voices

Do they wait to help you until it’s too late?

Mental health teams, do they really give the support you need before it gets to dramatic or too much suffering. In my experience I don’t receive the help I want and need at the time of crisis. The mental health team wait and wait, and it causes so much pain and until I get to a place where I’m so ill I’m in so much danger. I know they can’t section you until your a danger to youself or others, which is basically a state I’m constantly in. When things get so much worse everyone seems to back off. I need help why are you not listening. What help could be useful…

  • A review with psychiatrists,
  • May be increase in medication,
  • More frequent visits,
  • Or calls,

It doesn’t all have to be dramatic and sectioning and involving the police. I hate all that.

At the moment I can tell I’m slipping, I feel so low and I probably won’t get listened too or offered any extra help. The voices aren’t helping as they are telling me I can’t tell my cpn what’s going on. I’m so scared. Nothing at the moment seems to be helping. But please mental health workers listen to your patients,,, we know when we need extra help. And the times we can’t tell for our selves please be gentle and not dramatic it only causes us more panic and upset. 

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Anxiety Uncategorized

Nightmares. 

Last night I had two really horrid nightmares, they’ve made me so scared today. They felt so real and now I’m scared to go to the place where they happened in my dre. The even odder occurrence is when I woke up I was adimentbsoneone was in my flat, I could smell cigarette smoke and I don’t smoke, I believe they were hiding, and they did a good job of it. I could smell them. So now I’ve got to try and forget about all of that and try and get on with my day. I feel in danger. 

Categories
Anxiety Emotionally unstable personality disorder Health Mental health Personality disorder Schizophrenia Uncategorized Voices

Please leave me alone, but don’t go.

I hate feeling like this, I listen to the voices too much and then I feel more alone. I need a break. The only break I get is when I’m dead only problem is my body does not die. I’m invincible, I wish I could die so that I wouldn’t have to feel like this. But at the moment I’ve just got to try and stay away from the spies and don’t let them gather any more information about me. I think they know too much already. I work hard everyday, I manage the adverts that get published on to or radio, I also work with the road signage people to make sure the roads are as safe as possible but I also control the weather it’s very tyering. The spy’s are after my body so that they can clone me and then they will have loads of people who look and sounds just like me that are invincible which means no one would need to die at war and I could potentionally safe the world, and the human race. The other reason I’m being soyef on is because God has asked on Jesus behave if I will be his boyfriend, I still haven’t answered as I know it will make me more important. I can’t risk that sort of attention. I’ve just got so much going on right now, it’s so scary and confusion.

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Anxiety Emotionally unstable personality disorder Health Medication Mental health Personality disorder Schizophrenia Uncategorized

Behind the mask.

Behind the mask I put on is a terrified, anxious,  and a girl falling apart. I try to hide this so much just because it doesn’t fit in to today’s norm of society. If I let it show who I am and how I feel you wouldn’t recognise me. I try to keep myself to myself, with the talking support of my care team and family. Who am I, does anyone really know the truth. No they don’t. I don’t want anyone to know. They will see me as weak and not a valid member of society. I need to show that I can challenge myself even though my thoughts are telling me not too. If I had my choice I would stay home alone all day everyday, with no appointments and never needing to eat or drink. I think my medication also helps to hide the real me. I hate this, but I also like it, confused? Yer me to. I want and need the medication some days but other times I see it as a chore to take. 

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Anxiety Health Mental health Uncategorized

22nd October 2016

I’m in the gym, gym is so important for me staying well, it’s the physical exercise and the mental side of it, leaving the house and being around people. It’s all so important. The more I go and do it, it does get a little easier, I don’t think I could do it on my own, I have help from my career and this is a good feeling every time I achieve to get out of the house is an achievement. The exercise is so important to help me loose weight I’m just over the healthy weight. And I need to loose the weight, I’ve made a promise to myself and they are the hardest promises to break. I need to start putting effort in. I’ve got a few events coming up that I want to look my best for, so that’s some more motivation. Just keep going. I have made a challenge for myself to go to the gym everyday for a week, let’s see if I can do it. 

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Anxiety Emotionally unstable personality disorder Health Medication Mental health Personality disorder Schizophrenia Uncategorized

21st October 2016

Today was a busy day with appointments. First I went to see my gp about some tummy pains I’ve been having he thought it was another kidney infection but my sample was clear, I thought it would be, I think something else is wrong it’s a different pain in a different area. Oh well if it carries on I will go back to see him. I also asked about discharging myself from my mental health team but he wasn’t to keen on that, but he can prescribe the medication I’m on so if I do I can stay on the same medication. Then I had a little nap and then woke up from my appointment with my psychiatrist, I was expecting it to go really bad, he was running pretty late and my cpn also joined in with the meeting, I was very anxious but it went okay they listened and helped me. It was good to get all my feelings out and for them to understand what’s going on in my head. They agreed about helping and changing medication. I’m on quetiapine 800mg xr, and I will be on clonazepam for a few weeks then back down to diazepam. The mention of pregabline was there and clozapine. But I know there are a lot of risks with that. So I guess we will look in to it. Then I came home I was still full of adrenaline and felt quite restless. Then one of my sisters came over for a few hours, was so nice to see her, and talk openly. I’m so glad I’m able to spend the time with her as it’s very special as in the past we have had our differences but now we’re both older and more mature we are getting on really well. I’m now linking my blog to my tumblr, so I can post the same post to my followers. 

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Health Mental health Uncategorized

Under disguise.

I hate going out or being around people, I feel vulnerable and exposed. But I’ve recently found out that if I do something different. Eg: wearing my glasses in public I feel like there’s an extra barrier between me and others.I Sometimes feel like I’m not even me, that I’m a new person. Yer I am still the same person and suffer with the same Illnesses, but I feel a bit safer. 

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Mental health Voices

30th August 2016- the voices

I’m struggling so much with the voices, I’ve wrote a letter to them, and it helped. They didn’t listen but it helped me to get my thoughts to the voices down on paper.

I need help, they are currently controlling my day, I’m struggling to keep my day on track.