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Mental health update

Been discharged a week, what have I been up too…

So today marks a week out of inpatient.

I’m so glad I’m home.

I thought it was going to be a lot easier than I’ve actually found it.

I’ve been very lonely and started to use old coping mechanisms.

Today is the first day I’ve felt in control.

So I’ve worked through my todo list, and now I’m having a bath, and listening to my favourite songs.

I’m starting to look after my appearance.

My job has moved a lot further, both references are done and the occupational health assessment has been done. I’m waiting for the report of that to come back and then a start date.

I’m scared in case it doesn’t happen and go through because of my mental health but I feel 100% ready to do this job.

I’ve seen my family this week, which I will admit has been pretty stressful, but it was still nice to see them.

I’ve been the the animal therapy farm and had a cuddle with a ducklings. I had an amazing time.

I’ve started to work on loosing weight and getting healthy.

It’s been so lovely seeing and BBC spending time with my cats.

So overall I think things are going ok and I can’t wait to start living not just surviving!

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Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd crisis delusions Emotionally unstable personality disorder Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychosis recovery Schizophrenia self harm Support worker Therapy update Voices

Struggling once again.

I’m struggling,

Thought things would be okay but once again got really stressed!

I’m not sure I can do this.

How do I stay strong and fight for a better life.

Categories
Mental health

Long awaited update…

Trigger warning ⚠️

Things are really tough.

The voices are controlling me at the moment.

Telling me to harm myself and run away.

I have been asked to go inpatient but I said no I will loose my driving licence.

I’m scared.

I want this to end.

I was given 7 day supply of diazepam to help but it really isn’t helping!

I want this all to end.

The sun is trying to burn me and I need to get more energy to fight it off after all I am God I should be in charge but the voices are taking over.

I’m harming myself in new ways. And I’m scared.

Honestly I do want to die but that’s difficult if you can’t die.

Categories
Mental health

9 overdoses in 7 days

And I’m still not dead.

I can’t do this any more.

Please end all this for me.

I’m done suffering!

Categories
Mental health

9 overdoses in 7 days

And I’m still not dead.

I can’t do this any more.

Please end all this for me.

I’m done suffering!

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Anxiety blogger borderline personality disorder bpd Cpn delusions Emotionally unstable personality disorder God hallucinations Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis recovery Schizophrenia self harm Support worker Voices

God is my protector!!

They have no idea.

My parents aren’t my next of kin they can’t call them and tell them anything!

God is my next of kin!

They are so far away from me!

Don’t try and say sorry because you have no idea what the voices are telling me about you!

I’m better off keeping all this too myself!

God is my protector!

God will protect me! I believe in you!

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blogger borderline personality disorder Emotionally unstable personality disorder Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder Schizophrenia self harm

Wish it was that easy for a fresh start… 😢

But it’s not too late for a fresh view on life!

I can’t do this,,, I can do this, I mean, I have to do this! There is no going back!

I’m scared, I’m anxious and I’m all honest I want to end it, but I have to keep going right, but for what, or who?

It’s all so far away all the things I was looking forward too, what can I look forward too that is in the near future?

💡Any ideas ? 💡

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Mental health mental health blogger

What am I grateful for today?

Ive been feeling a little low over the last few days, but it won’t last things will get better!

I’m grateful for…

  • My cats, they always cheer me up,
  • That my bathroom light came, I can finally have light at night,
  • And I received a sheet from what would have been the Easter spiritual service, and received the beautiful cross in the picture.

I’m adjusting to life and having to have a good think about what I want for life!

I know that I’d like to be happy, I’m looking forward to my job starting so excited, I’m excited about meeting this guy I’ve been talking too when the lock down is over, and I’m looking forward to seeing my family altogether!

Received in the post today from my chaplain.

Tough times don’t last but tough people do!

Categories
Mental health

How do I deal with lock down on my own!

I’m completely alone, and I’m scared and bored.

All I do is look through my phone by the end of this i will have phone prints on my hands.

I’m scared it’s scary dealing with all this uncertainty on your own,

I’m bored what should I do?

I have so much I could do but how do I get the motivation to actually do it????

I feel I’m not doing enough to help others.

I can’t get out to do my own shopping and there are no delivery slots available, but luckily today my cousin has offered to do it.

Honestly so scared with this situation, I know people keep saying it’s simple all your being asked to do is stay at hone. How can I feel safe though, how can I not feel alone, how can I not escape this reality I’m living in!

Honestly the fear has got on top of me!

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Daily update Emotionally unstable personality disorder Future Happy Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder recovery Schizophrenia update

👋 Hello Monday, new beginning! 💕

Hi,

It’s Monday again, if you think about it we are lucky to be here it’s a blessing another chance to start over, another chance to make a change and another chance to make a difference!

I hope you all have a fantastic week and stay safe and well!

I’m going to try and remain positive in such an uncertain world. 🌍