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Mental health

I tried to get help from mum after calling her but she was only interested in her life? Xx

This really hurt me. I love my mum, it’s just hard.

I wish she was there for me.

Categories
Mental health

Just one word… love

My mum hasn’t told me she loves me in for as long as I can remember.

Thanks mum! I wish that you would just say” I love you”

It hurts so much.

Categories
Mental health

I love you mum, “cool”

I says to my mum I love you? And she replied “cool” that was so hurtful. All because I made my sister a cake.

She has hurt me and it’s so pathetic that it’s over who made a cake.

She said she will still make one which is fine by me.

Categories
Mental health

Thinking of you!

Today is my mums birthday, I did a poster with my sisters. She liked it. And I think mum likes the attention from all of us. Happy birthday mummy. Love you. XxxxxX

Categories
Mental health Mum

I am here

I’ve just had a memory come back to me…

I was 12 and in hospital after an operation and I caught the superbug clostridium difficile.

My youngest sister at the time was 2 and had cancer and was also in hospital. They were able to move our beds to be in rooms next to each other on the children’s ward while we both in hospital but still having another sister at home. My dad was at home with that sister and mum stayed in hospital at night with me and my sister who had cancer.

My mum never really spent any time in my room with me, she was always with my sister. I felt so scared and alone. I had to go through the treatment with out her. I was in pain emotionally and physically.

Things haven’t really changed mum doesn’t pay much attention to me unless she can be in the limelight. All three of my sisters get attention from mum. I don’t see her for weeks and she doesn’t even bother to text to see if I’m ok or even alive.

My sister who had cancer is currently in remission and doing really well.

I’m well aware that people might believe cancer is worse than the superbug and you may be right. Also my sister being a lot younger may mean you think I’m being selfish and you won’t understand this post.

Categories
Mental health

Why mum why?

I went over my parents to say hi, and my niece was asleep in the buggy. Dad asked me to let him know when she wakes up. Because mum was getting her hair cut in the kitchen, and dad was meant to be looking after her.

Well 10 minutes after he went outside with my cousin she woke up. My youngest sister called to dad to say she was awake but he did hear and it was a nice opportunity to spend some time with my niece.

So when she woke up and started to cry I got her out of her buggy and played with her toys in the front room. She was happy to lay there with her toys and me talking to her. But mum being mum comes in like a “hero” takes her off me and goes to “show” her off to their friend the hairdresser and our cousin.

I’m angry at this as I don’t get much time with my niece and it was quality time. And I told mum she was fine with me!

Yes I’m really angry at my mum, there was no need for it. It’s made me angry and left feeling like I need to harm.

Another point for mum making me feel worthless.

Categories
Anxiety brother Dad Daily update depression Disappointment Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions family Mental health Mum Personality disorder psychosis Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Sisters

Dear mum

I want to make you proud.

I’m never good enough and you don’t make them effort to spend time with me or even talk to me, even though you do to my sisters.

I feel I will never be good enough for you.

I think it’s because of my mental illness, I know your embarrassed of me.

I’m so sorry.