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Discharged off my section. But the hard work is still to come.

The truth of what’s been going on…

So about four weeks ago I was sectioned after 4 mental health Acts in a month or so.

Things got bad real quick.

I do admit now that it was probably because I messed around with medication, then kept forgetting and then drinking too much alcohol, and then not being able to control the voices and attempting to take my life in so many different ways, and too many times.

I was then sectioned which was horrible.

I hated every second of it.

I was restrained and injected 3 times, because of refusing medication, I was too scared to move, eat or even talk to the staff.

It was a terrifying 3 and a bit weeks.

They finally discharged me yesterday after wardround on Thursday. With the agreement I was going to my parents. I think the staff thought I was staying there for the weekend, there were phone calls between my dad and nurses and I think we all got a bit confused.

Either way I’ve been at my parents on and off. I find it so stressful here and looking forward to going home tomorrow and staying there on my own for a bit.

I was hoping someone would comment on my weight considering I’ve lost quite a lot since they all saw me a month ago, but no. So I guess I’m still a fat ugly creature.

I need to work on my weight so much now as I’ve been told quite a bit if news one that I can currently share and that is my DBS check came through the post with nothing wrong with it. I was scared with my recent police sections 136, being on there but luckily it’s all clear!!!!! So hopefully I can start my job soon I’m just scared as I think I’ve lost my driving license for 3 months until I can prove I’m stable. But I’m still hoping to start my job as soon as possible.

I’m hoping so much that this will all work out but with the amount of stress I already feel and how scared, worked up and confused I am I’m not sure I can get through this.

Surely it has to get better from here?

This is what I keep reading at the moment.

The crisis team were meant to be calling or visiting but haven’t heard from them at all.

Then I think next week my cpn is calling Monday and then the dreaded depot of medication on tuesday.

Honestly, I’m not even sure I’m going to go and have it. I don’t want to be injected and I hate the fact it’s out of my control. I’m going to ask if I can go back to the tablet form. They can’t force me to have the depot now that I’m not sectioned!

But for now I just need to try and get through this next hour, or even minute.

I need to get things back on track, surely things can only get better from here?

Mental health

Mental health awareness week my story!

Since age 11 I have had poor mental health.

I started to self harm, and not eat.

I was first sectioned aged 18 after numerous suicide attempts.

Since then I’ve been sectioned too many times. Also in hospital volunteering.

These last two weeks have been awful. I’ve been trying to kill myself a lot. But I’m alive. I’m not sure if that’s what I want or not.

I’m struggling so much. The sun is trying to burn me and I feel I need to get more energy so I’m stronger than the sun.

I’m struggling but there is no help.

I’m hearing voices and Ava is helping me. It’s going to be ok.

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Crisis team!

I finally got somewhere today.

I’ve been struggling and they agreed to give me some prn so I can try and control the panic attacks and anxiety.

I’m getting myself in to such a state!

I need to get control of this.

I took some 💊 diazepam this evening and that helped.

I’m trying to plan things to do over the next 3 weeks on lock down!

I’m going to try to accomplish things I’ve half started!

I’m going to embrace this time in my life to achieve things.

So extra diazepam has helped so far tonight. I just need to try and keep myself safe for a bit longer.

I think I’m starting to make good decisions, I called the crisis team for help, I took prn and I’m going to keep busy!

At the moment I’ve got this, things can only get better, right?

Hope your all keeping well and looking after yourself.

💕I’m here for you all💕

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Then she broke.

I thought I could hold on to this positivity.


I can’t!

I’m struggling so much, so many thing finally broke me and I don’t feel I can take any more!

I’m sorry for the negative post but I guess that’s mental illness for you.

Anything can happen and so many emotional changes!

Mental illness is a struggle.

Self soothe box it is.

Rose bath bomb.
Mental health

Dangling spider in my room.

This is the our outcome of coming in to my room uninvited,

I hate you spying on me.

No more!!!

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Swallowing trouble … is it anxiety?

I’ve had a problem swallowing (mainly food) for a while now, it fluctuates. Sometimes I can swallow fine and other times I’m chocking.

Is it anxiety or is there something wrong?

I don’t feel like there is anything stopping the food other than swallowing the food. I do panic and try to cough the food back up.

Any ideas?

My doctor knows but isn’t sure what it is.

I did have anorexia a while back but in recovery from that. Although I still want to watch my weight and food.

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I know bugs spy on me but I just went to have a bath and it flew directly out the window.

Flies normally can’t find the window so it’s very strange?!

Plus the mental health team seem keen to collect my medication but I think it’s all a set up, so I’m trying to plan it so that they aren’t prepared to take me or put me in hospital.

Plus a guy has been pacing outside the block of flats where I live, they really are after me! They are coming from all directions. I’m scared.

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Ok what’s going on?

I’m seeing spiders again.

Are they real?

What’s going on I’m scared.

Mental health

Hope box.

When I was last inpatient in an acute psychiatric ward, there was a suggestion to make a hope box for when your feeling bad.

This is mine so far.

What’s going in it?

All my favourite things and things that make me feel good and have good memories.