Tag: pregabline

How inpatient is going.

I’ve been in hospital nearly 3 weeks now.

There has been lots of tears, restraints, injections, prn, and anxiety but I’m starting to feel better.

Last Tuesday they decided they were going to give me the depot of haloperidol instead of the daily injections that were causing me so much distress.

It’s only 4 days after and I feel a difference already, the voices have died down, I’m no longer following there commands about harming myself or not eating.

I hadn’t eaten in 2 and a half weeks due to the voices telling me the food was poisoned, but since the depot I’ve managed to start eating, i did loose 20 lbs in the weeks that I wasn’t eating, I am scared that now I’m going to put all that weight back on but now I’ve got an even bigger reason to loose as much weight as I can now.

I had appealed my section called a Tribunal but I didn’t win it as I’m still here. It was horrible listening to them all talk about me and what’s wrong with me and why I’m not safe. An because of covid we were all on the phone, so we couldn’t see each other. Anyway I lost and I’m still here under section 2.

I have had a lot of falling out with my family since being in here, I hate the fact that they go behind my back to get information about me and my care when it clearly states on my notes not to share any information with them. Why should I? They never tell me when my team have been in touch with them. It’s horrible knowing everyone is going behind my back, it’s my cate talk to me!!!!

Ward round went well on Thursday, the consultant said I can be discharged this week coming. Which I’m happy about but I don’t think it’s going to be as simple as waking up tomorrow, packing and walking out the door, they have been talking about a CTO, which would mean I have to have another mental health act assessment and put on section 3 just to be put on a CTO.

My understanding of the CTO is that if I refuse the depot or mental health declines than I can be brought back in to hospital under section 3 automatically. Which is scary.

On Friday I went on my first escorted leave since arriving nearly 3 weeks ago. It was so nice to get out, the rain stopped for us and a nurse that I trust and get on well with took me. We had a really good chat. She also supported me to get my first meal here. Which I’m so great full for.

The occupational therapist spent some one to one time with me and she painted my nails. Gave me a sheet to colour and a puzzle to do in my room.

So as it stands now. I’m hopefully going home one day this week, I hope it’s really soon as I can’t wait to see my cats, sleep in my own bed and have a shave.

It’s amazing the difference one medication can make. I feel like a different person.

I will admit I didn’t realise I’ve been here this long, and luckily I don’t remember much about the distressing times.

Hopefully I will be home soon and back on the life I want to lead.

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God is my protector!!

They have no idea.

My parents aren’t my next of kin they can’t call them and tell them anything!

God is my next of kin!

They are so far away from me!

Don’t try and say sorry because you have no idea what the voices are telling me about you!

I’m better off keeping all this too myself!

God is my protector!

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Mental health update.

So I haven’t done a proper mental health update for a while and as it’s coming to the end of the year I’m going too do an update.

I have been sectioned twice in the last few months. I’m now out of hospital after a pretty traumatic time in there!

Since coming out of hospital I’ve stopped my medication.

I’ve put on three stone since being inpatient and put on medication.

I was eating all the foods I fancied and this made me gain so much weight so quickly as well as basically sat on my bed all day everyday. Also put back on too antipsychotic medication.

So since I’ve came out of hospital I weighed myself and I was so shocked! I’ve started diet pills and my gp referred me to slimming world which I start tomorrow.

I’ve stopped the antipsychotic medication and I’m currently doing ok. I’m going to my meetings, keeping myself active everyday and trying to push though all the bad thoughts and voices!

I went too a private Therapist to start therapy but I’ve decided I want to wait a bit. I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk about my past and trauma, even though I feel it’s holding me back!

Unfortunately I’ve started drinking too much Alcohol. This is probably not helping with my weight!

I’m looking forward to Christmas this year! I’m trying to make it a brilliant time for my family! I know it’s going to be really tricky and I’m going to get upset with my mums behaviour, but I want to make my family happy so I’m going to try my best to stay strong!

I’m really trying so hard to get along with my Family!

So I guess that’s where I’m up too!

I hope you all have a good Christmas and stay safe!

I’m here for anyone if you want to talk or struggling!

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Update… sectioned!

Sorry for lack of updates and the long post!

I’ve been sectioned on section 2 of the mental health act.

I’m not 100% sure why other than refusing antipsychotic medications!

Since being in this psychiatric hospital on a locked ward I’ve escaped twice and needed escorted to a & e by two members of staff due to concussion!

Day one I was in seclusion with a rip proof dress and blanket, NOTHING ELSE! I was stripped naked in front of lots of staff restraining me! I was in seclusion because I was upset and angry about being in hospital. I was there for over 5 hours in a locked room! IT WAS HORRIBLE!

I only managed to get out if I accepted to take Olanzapine and my other night medications. They said if I didn’t take it I would be injected! So I took it.

I was then showed to my room, EVERYTHING searched! I will admit they were useless I’ve got things I wouldn’t allow a patient to have, but I’ve been strong and not used them yet!

I then threw up the medication on purpose but I don’t think I got it all because I started getting really sleepy and dizzy! I started walking around the ward shouting I want the antidote! I then fell asleep.

When I woke there was spyders everywhere, I was terrified! I don’t know which ones were real. There was one in the light which I think I’ve already posted a photo of!

I don’t remember much about the first week, I know I was scared. I was throwing up the medication, refusing to eat and drink anything that wasn’t sealed and brought in from outside the hospital!

Currently I’m taking all the medication that is prescribed and I’m eating and drinking from sealed drinks and foods.

In the first week I’ve been restrained a number of times, from escaping from the first door and hurting myself due to the voices being too overwhelming. They kept threatening to inject me but thankfully they haven’t!

I am Appealing my section and I’ve met a solicitor.

Care plan is interesting as since I’ve read it it says diagnosis is paranoid schizophrenia but earlier in the week I was told I no longer have a psychotic illness, so I’m not really sure what’s going on or whats wrong with me, if anything!

The Voices have been pretty bad. I’m struggling to cope with them, but I’m using prn (lorazepam) and writing all the time. I’ve always got music playing!

Visions are starting me in not sure what is real or not.

Spying feels like it’s got worse probably due to the fact the hospital I’m in I think we’re and are the ones spying on me.

I will try to keep updating regularly.

Hope your all ok! Xxxx

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20 days out of psychiatric hospital!

Post author By rosiestar11
Post date September 22, 2019
1 Comment on 20 days out of psychiatric hospital!

Yey,

It’s been 20 days out of the psychiatric hospital!

I was in section two for a relapse in my mental state!

I suffer from emotionally unstable personality disorder, schizophrenia and anxiety!

I thought the mental health team were after my dna so I took steps to make sure that didn’t happen, and I ended up needing hospital treatment and then I was sectioned from there!

I’m home now and so glad to be. It’s a luxury compared to being in hospital.

I do miss it sometimes, I miss the contact and the support, I miss there always being someone there to help!

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Traumatic week

This past week has been very traumatic, I’ve had to have a Blood transfusion which was done being held down, under the mental health capacity act! I refused it! They also sedated me after the transfusion.

I’ve now been Sectioned under section 2 mental health act!

Miles away from home

but today I feel I’m Getting settled.

And I’m Back on my medication!

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Titration time

WARNING…..…….. REALLY REALLY LONG POST!!!!!!

Talk of…

Self harm,

Medication,

Psychosis,

Blood tests.

Today Monday 18th of March 2019 my medication of Clozapine Changing to quetiapine. Im spending the next 3 weeks in the day hospital from 9:30-12:30. I hate it here but if it’s the only way to change my medication then I will push through it.

Why…

Weight gain
Blood tests
Dribbling
Constipation
Levels were too high at one point

Day one…..

75 mg morning clozapine

50mg morning quetiapine

Same at 5 and bed time for clozapine

First day. I’ve been in the day hospital over an hour and they have lost my medication, it took them weeks for them to get the medication together and the due date, which is today! So I’m still waiting for them. I’m a little annoyed. Plus I hated the early start. I was there an hour, because no one knew where I was or what I was doing other than taking medication.

Day 2………..

Am- clozapine. 50Mg

Am- quetiapine 100mg

5pm and bedtime

Feel really sick and massive head ache. I went and stayed with my family for some of the day which is a big difference to normal. I don’t normally spend much time with them but I needed their support. I’m going to keep trying to get through this. I am strong!

Day 3………..

Am- clozapine. None

Am- quetiapine 200mg

5pm – clozapine 125mg

5pm- quetiapine none

bedtime- clozapine 175mg

Bedtime- quetiapine none

I was feeling pretty sick yesterday. I had a head ache and been finding it hard to keep my thoughts and feelings hid. I’m really anxious. I spoke to the reverent at the mental health hospital which Ive been going to for my medication. And I trust her and I spoke about how I feel about the spying. I don’t feel safe from the staff at the hospital and I can’t wait until I don’t have to go. I’m feeling better today and I’ve done some house work.

Day 4………..

Am- clozapine. None

Am- quetiapine 50 mg

5pm clozapine 100mg

5pm quetiapine 200mg

bedtime clozapine 175mg

Bedtime quetiapine none.

I went today and got the weekend dose so I don’t have to take it with supervision. I went to collect my new glasses and I’ve been brave and went in a few shops. Currently have a bath. I’ve had my 5pm medication two hours early. I just needed some help so thought it might help.

Day 5………..

Am- clozapine. None

Am- quetiapine 50mg

5pm-clozapine 75mg

5pm- quetiapine 300mg

bedtime-clozapine 175mg

Bedtime- quetiapine-none

Spent some time with my family and sisters. They all talked to me which was nice it was very chaotic. Went shopping and tried to sort out presents for my mum.

Day 6………..

Am- clozapine. None

Am- quetiapine 50mg

5pm -clozapine- 50mg

5pm-quetiapine- 350mg

bedtime- clozapine- 175mg

Bedtime- quetiapine none.

I went to a beach, felt like I wanted to jump off the cliff even though I’m not actively suicidal. When I got home I didn’t feel well at all. I had a head ache and felt like I needed to sleep.

Day 7………..

Am- clozapine. None

Am- quetiapine 50mg

5pm -clozapine 25mg

5pm-quetiapine 350mg

bedtime clozapine-175mg

Bedtime quetiapine-none

Had an okay day, met up with my auntie, I went to the gp about my back pain, she is referring me to physio. The weather is nice. I’m not really sure how I’m feeling, I feel nothing, and everything all in once. I want to drink alcohol for the first time I weeks, but I want to try to get to the gym tonight. The voices are extreme, I’m finding it hard to sort my medications out myself as they all come from different boxes. I hate this. The thoughts and feelings are extreme but also non existent. It’s so confusing. Will the voices ever stop? Will the thoughts stop, will the presence stop. I’m really scared and I don’t know where to turn.

Day 8 ………..

Am- clozapine. -none

Am- quetiapine -50 mg

5pm clozapine -none

5pm- quetiapine- 450mg

bedtime -clozapine- 175mg

Bedtime-quetiapine- none

Bedtime

Struggling a lot, the voices and spying are extreme. The doctor at the hospital talked to me and was worried things are going bad. I don’t know what to do or think. I’m really scared.

Day 9………..

Am- clozapine. -none

Am- quetiapine -50mg

5pm -clozapine- none

5pm- quetiapine- 500mg

bedtime clozapine-150mg

Bedtime quetiapine-none

Had an appointment with my care co-ordinated, psychiatrist and a nurse about my symptoms and medication. They have decided to slow the clozapine down as I’m experiencing side effects, like the spying and voices. I’m really not happy with this but at least the quetiapine is continue to increase daily.

I’m at the sanctuary now ready for a spiritual session. Which went really well, there was a lot of people so I was very uncomfortable but the reverent was very reassuring and helped me through it. I just picked up the medication from the reception at the mental health hospital. I wish things went the way I want them too.

Day 10………..

Am- clozapine. None

Am- quetiapine 50mg

5pm-clozapine none

5pm-quetiapine 550mg

bedtime-clozapine 125mg

Bedtime- quetiapine none

I got the new medication timetable today. I’m really not happy about it but the psychiatrist is not happy that I’m refusing the blood test next week. I spent the day with my one nearly two year old niece and my sister. I actually had a good time. Got some good pictures. I felt like part of the family. Have really had much time with the nurse that gives me medication and I left straight away I know the plan was to go to a group but I was just too scared too. I might try harder tomorrow. The voices are really strong today but I’m trying to block them out which I think I’ve done really well. No one is aware of what I’m hearing. It’s not pleasant.

Day 11 ………..

Am- clozapine. None

Am- quetiapine 50mg

5pm clozapine-none

5pm quetiapine- 550mg

bedtime clozapine-175mg

Bedtime quetiapine- none

I went to the day hospital today to collect my morning medication. I was very scared as there were ants on the floor spying on me and when I was at the bus stop the flies were trying to get in my ears, nose and mouth. It’s made me very parinoid. I also saw an ambulance waiting outside my house I thought they were going to section me and take me away. I’m very suspicious about everything today.

Day 12………..

Am- clozapine. None

Am- quetiapine 50mg

5pm clozapine-none

5pm quetiapine- 600mg

bedtime-clozapine 175mg

Bedtime- quetiapine-none

I went to the Beach and it was lovely, it helped to keep the voices at bay. I did experience a draining feeling in my body which usually means my blood pressure is low.

Day 13……….. sunday

Am- clozapine. none

Am- quetiapine 50mg

5pm – clozapine none

5pm- quetiapine 650mg

bedtime- clozapine 175mg

Bedtime- quetiapine none

Today was Mother’s Day, I felt guilty as my family wanted us all to go swimming but I didn’t want them to see my self harm scars so I made up an excuse. I had a ok day spend it with my sister teaching me her favourite song, my niece wanting to play and then pinching me. She wasn’t in a good mood, I’ve never seen her like that before. I don’t think mum liked her presents, but we tried. I came home to some beautiful flowers and four cards, one each for my cat and then one from my baby Dylan. I’m so grateful.

Day 14……….. Monday 1st

Am- clozapine .none

Am- quetiapine 50mg

5pm – clozapine none

5pm- quetiapine 700mg

bedtime- clozapine 150mg

Bedtime quetiapine- none

Today I went for my morning medication, which I took fine, but they let their guard down and gave me the whole lot. This does mean I could play it and not go in the rest of the week, but I have therapy tomorrow so I think I will tomorrow and then seeing my cpn on Wednesday so I’ve got to go in then too. We will see how I feel.

Day 15……….. Tuesday 2nd

Am- clozapine. Mg

Am- quetiapine mg

5pm and bedtime

I had an appointment with my therapist and it went really well. I think it was the best one yet. She really listened to me and my problems. It was chucking down with rail. My sister picked me up afterwads with my niece and uncle. I hardly see my Uncel but he always says I’m the strongest person he knows. We went to a play centre and it was really good. Then we all went to my parents home. We all had pizza and then chilled. I felt pretty low by the end of the day. The voices were really bothering me.

Day 16……….. Wednesday 3rd

Am- clozapine-none

Am- quetiapine -50mg

5pm clozapine-none.

5pm- quetiapine-750mg

bedtime-clozapine 125mg

Bedtime-

I was meant to see my community psychiatric nurse but I was too late. Then I went to the hospital to take my medication. I said to them I don’t want to come in any more and I’m refusing my blood test. My cpn then called me we had a little chat she said she thinks I’m getting ill again. And asked if I will go into hospital voluntarily, I said no. I then went to the spiritual service. Which I always connect with.

Day 17……….. Thursday 4th

Am- clozapine. None

Am- quetiapine 50mg

5pm – clozapine none

5pm- quetiapine 750mg

bedtime- clozapine- 125mg

Bedtime- quetiapine none

I went and took my medication at the hospital and then I left, I then saw my support worker coming out of the road I just walked she went the opposite way and the turned round looking and I hid in the bus stop. And then there was police with there sirens on, following me I just kept hiding and then got on the bus and got home as quick as I could. I’m home right now but I’m really scared.

Day 18……….. Friday 5th

Am- clozapine. None

Am- quetiapine 50mg

5pm clozapine- none

5pm – quetiapine- 750mg

bedtime clozapine- 125mg

Bedtime quetiapine- none

The hospital was bad and scary, there was a Spyder watching me. I was as quick as possible and I got home really quickly. I’ve found the best of that really scary. I don’t feel settled. I had to re cut my arm and insert the chip. I’m really anxious about them spying on me. A Bug spying on me at my own home. Im scared.,

Day 19….. Saturday 6th

Am-Clozapine-none

Am-quetiapine-50mg

5pm-clozapine- none

5pm-quetiapine – 750mg

Bedtime-clozapine – 100mg

Bedtime-quetiapine- none

Had an okay day. I went to a supture park. I had also tried to get the chip inside my body. It’s really sore now. I went and had dinner at my parents and found out that my family were going away tomorrow without telling me. I feel pretty bad about that. But I hope they have a safe time. It’s been a mixed emotional day.

Day 20… Sunday 7th

am- clozapine -none

Am- quetiapine -50mg

5pm- clozapine-none

5pm-quetiapine-750mg

Bedtime-clozapine-125mg

Bedtime-quetiapine-none

I lost track of all blog posts and everything really.

I was told on the Monday I had a mental health act assessment the next day and this three everything up in the air.

I’m not finished the whole titration now. I’m on 900mg of quetiapine again. So far it’s working well. I feel better than clozapine.

The staff were a nightmare. It was also a big problem to try and get my medication to take home sorted. No one knew what was happening and who was giving the medication and how much.

Now my doctor is meant to be taking over with prescribing my medication, I don’t think she will be able to do it but if not some one from the mental health hospital will have to take over.

I had also forgot to take my pregabline for over two weeks I think this made my anxiety worse and I had a few withdrawal symptoms while also Changing medication. It’s difficult to know if it was the medication change or withdrawals.

It also took 5 weeks instead of the original 3 weeks that we thought!