Mental health

I’m proud of myself… wait, what?!

I drove from my house to my parents on my own, overtaking 4 bikes, a person on a zebra crossing, overtaking a lorry and an ambulance on blue lights. I got home safely!

So proud it’s been a long time since ive felt brave enough to drive on my own let alone take over all the bikes and deal with the obstacles!

So proud! Yey!!!!

alpaca Animals Mental health recovery Therapy

Friday 13th update. 🐓 🦙

This is my chicken I caught and named.

Today I stepped things up a notch.

I drove to anormal therapy. That’s the first time, so I went from support worker taking me then carer, then taxi then bus now I’m free to drive myself there!

Little steps all count. It all adds up to positive changes.

I’m quite proud of myself if I’m honest.

My dad said he was proud of me too, that meant so much too me!

Recovery is worth it, things are going well but of course there are tough times but I can do this. I know I can!

💫 I’m going to do this! 💫

Alpaca 🦙 from therapy!
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Ive finished my self soothe box.

What do you think of it? All done by me!

Self soothe box done by me!

What else can I add too it?

It’s my alternative to harming, or when I am in crisis.

I’m not sure what else I can add?

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I cooked dinner all by my self!

I can’t believe I cooked dinner all by myself!

This is very rare!

I struggle to follow instructions, and being around sharp and hot things. So this is a big deal!

I’m actually quite proud of myself!

It was a quorn and vegetable lasagna.

Mental health

Why mum why?

I went over my parents to say hi, and my niece was asleep in the buggy. Dad asked me to let him know when she wakes up. Because mum was getting her hair cut in the kitchen, and dad was meant to be looking after her.

Well 10 minutes after he went outside with my cousin she woke up. My youngest sister called to dad to say she was awake but he did hear and it was a nice opportunity to spend some time with my niece.

So when she woke up and started to cry I got her out of her buggy and played with her toys in the front room. She was happy to lay there with her toys and me talking to her. But mum being mum comes in like a “hero” takes her off me and goes to “show” her off to their friend the hairdresser and our cousin.

I’m angry at this as I don’t get much time with my niece and it was quality time. And I told mum she was fine with me!

Yes I’m really angry at my mum, there was no need for it. It’s made me angry and left feeling like I need to harm.

Another point for mum making me feel worthless.

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Dear mum

I want to make you proud.

I’m never good enough and you don’t make them effort to spend time with me or even talk to me, even though you do to my sisters.

I feel I will never be good enough for you.

I think it’s because of my mental illness, I know your embarrassed of me.

I’m so sorry.

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Today deserves a blog post. 

So I get up and I’m still the same weight 9:4 stone, but I’ve done loads today to keep that going down. 

I get a text from my middle sister, who’s doing her GCSEs at the moment. She text me to go and see her. This is the sister who gets very easily upset with me. I went and spent a few hours with her. She introduced me to some lovely songs, that relate and made her have feelings. I can’t help but think the lyrics of the song she was aiming them at me but I think that’s a positive way forward and I love her so much. She had also Colored in a canvas I gave her. That’s the picture in this blog post. 

My cpn called me and it was a quick but positive talk,

Then I went out with my support worker, we went for a drive but before she started driving she had to ask me if I was going to jump out as I attempted that with my carer a few weeks ago. But I told her I wasn’t going too. 

Then I changed my front room around. While listening to amazing songs recommend by my sister. 

Then my dad texted me saying he loved the cakes I made him.

Then went swimming was a massive achievement.

Then I read my emails and I’ve got such a nice email from a very lovely follower, thanks Amy.