baby Mental health reborn

Dylan with me in hospital.

I’m very lucky I was able to keep my little boy with me in the acute psychiatric hospital.

Love his cuddles especially when I’m struggling.

anorexia Anxiety Carer Cpn Daily update delusions depression Disappointment Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations Health healthy hospital Medication Mental health Mental health act Nhs Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis scared Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Support worker Therapy Voices

What is a day like on an acute psychiatric ward?

I bet you won’t believe this is an acute psychiatric ward, but let me tell you what this ward is like.

It is a secure locked acute psychiatric ward. It’s where you go if you are quite mentally unwell.
At about 7am we all get woken for breakfast, but honestly most of us go back to sleep, throughout the night someone checks on us every hour, it depends which staff do the checks some just look through the glass frosted window others do that and turn the full bright light on. Helpful I know. Sleep is important to recovery. 

Anyway after that its medication time around 9 am, I like getting there early to miss the cue of 19 other patients.

Then if we want escorted leave we can go to a planning meeting, for a member of staff and a time to be set for escorted leave, which means a member of staff has to come with you, especially if your on a section, for your first few leaves.

There are a lot of Alarms going off, basically if a member of staff who’s doing the hourly checks on patients sees something worrying or bad like agitation or self harm, the alarm will be pulled it’s on every member of staffs keyring, and then staff go running to the room where the alarm was pulled. Usually there’s a lot of shouting especially if the alarm was pulled for someone trashing their room. These alarms happen a lot and are very unsettling.

Then there is visiting time.

Then Lunch, which is usually be pre made sandwiches.

Then Medication again. 

Sometimes if the Occupational therapist is in she will come and open the art room, so we can do something creative or if it’s the day the dog comes in we will pet the dog.

There are also Three tv rooms, one massive one then two more private ones. But if you want to change the channel good luck trying to find the remote.

There are Two quiet rooms

To your surprise we have our own bedroom with own shower/toilet/ sink. With a paper curtain, no doors and a shelf for clothes. We can have a personal key to lock it. We can access it at any time day or night.
Windows strong and mental so can’t get out

There is a beautiful garden which can be accessed through the canteen or through the large to room. It’s got really high metal fences, and there are flower arrangements which are so pretty.

Visiting hours are very strict your only allowed in the dinning room, and through to the garden or the Hub which is a oval shaped room in the middle of the ward, there is sofas, chairs, tables and a table tennis table. It’s pretty relaxed in there. There are three visiting hours a day.

I stress so much about ward round, the days and times are changed nearly every week. It’s very unsettling. I’ve also now been told my consultant is off for two weeks, causes so much anxiety. In ward round your able to talk about possible medication changes, any side effects from medications and about possible leave/discharge.

You can come in to the hospital two ways. Under a Sectioned or as a Voluntary patient. The main difference is leave, if you have chose to be here you can go out on leave alone a lot more than if you are sectioned. Also if your voluntary then you can ask to discharge your self, they can say no and if you still adiment your going, they can section you. I feel there isn’t too much difference.

Leave can be given by your consultant if your sectioned and most likely it will be escorted leave, someone with you at all times. But if your in here voluntary then you can just ask the nurses if you can go when you want between 10am and 8pm, sometimes they may say no and if you are still wanting to go they can section you for a few hours/day to prevent you leaving the ward.

Cleaners come round everyday. They are meant to hoover, and mop the floor and clean the bathroom. And also they do the communal areas too.

Everyday your meant to be offered your One to one with your named nurse for that day.

Care plan is given to you when you’ve been on the ward a few days and the nurses, doctors and consultants can have an input on what needs to be worked on while on the ward and things you may need help with.

Observation levels will depend on how much of a risk the staff think you are. These can change from being 2:1 which is two staff with you at all times. Then 1:1 which is one stag always with you, then level 3 this means every 15 ministers your meant to be checked on, or level 4 is when your checked on hourly. These are good opportunities to ask the staff for help if you aren’t brace enough to leave your room.

What you can and cant have here…

They are very strict about what you can and can’t have. I’m not going to go in to detail because I don’t want to give others any ideas.

Around the ward there are really nice pictures. I think there meant to give hope and to show you beauty.

The ward I was in your allowed to have phones but they get charged in a cupboard.

I know all wards are different, so there may not be the same things I’ve described.

I hope you all stay well and I’m here if you need to talk.

Anxiety hospital Medication Mental health Voices

I made it out. 

I’m at the psychiatric hospital where my meeting is taking place. I’m early as usual. I’m really looking forward to seeing the reverent. 

It’s raining out side and I’m wearing my coat, but it’s pretty warm with it on inside. But I can’t take it off I’ve only got a tshirt on and that means my scars and writing will be on show. 

I’m here to collect a bible, I think it’s going to help me feel safe and loved by God. I need the protection. 

I hate being back here, reminds me of all my negative experiences and all the hospitalisation. I’ve managed to stay out of inpatient for a year and a half. But still come here for reviews with psychiatrist, and some times to see my cpn.

Being here is terrifying as I’m completely convinced that they want my DNA. I’m trying to stay invisible, and I’ve still got my head phones in so I can’t hear anything that’s going on around me. 

The voices are going crazy, they are shouting at me all at once and it’s really hard to try and ignore them. But with my head phones in I’m trying to ignore them. 

During and After the meeting…

I met the reverent outside her room, she was pleased that I had arrived and said i wasn’t sure you’d come with all the rain, I was so relieved to see her and I knew I could trust her. She told me to take a seat, while she went to get me a bible. I had asked for a bible to feel some protection from the devil and the care team and government. It will protect me. When she placed the bible in my hands, God spoke to me, he said “you will be protected with this.” I truely believe God when he said that. The reverent and I had a little chat and then I left, thanking her again for the bible. 

I was so scared to walk out the room, but then I looked down with the bible in my hands, I felt a bubble protection around me, no one could hurt/touch me. 

I walked home with the rain pouring down my face, and breathing in fresh breath of air. It was so refreshing. 

I had to keep checking that no one was following me, I must have looked mad, I kept looking back more than forwards. 

I’m protected and safe.

Anxiety Mental health act Sectioned

3 years ago today.

Trigger warning: assault, attempted suicide, police. 

3 years ago today I was assaulted, it was too difficult to cope with, so I attempted to put a blade to my neck but I was restrained. Then my carer took me out for a drive to talk and be safe. That’s when the police smashed my front door down thinking I was still inside. When I got back to my flat, the police sectioned me under the 136. I was then taken to my local psychiatric hospital and went inpatient. 

2 years ago today I was in the new psychiatric hospital near me. I have moved from where the assault took place, but still don’t feel safe. 

1 year ago today I got my driving licence back, for being able to stay out of hospital and have no crisis. I also got a car. I was also 2 stone heavier than I am today, and I was only on 300mg quetiapine and today I’m on 800mg. 

And then there’s today, still got my driving licence, and not in hospital, trying to be positive but it feels like just yesterday this all happened. This date effects me so much. I’m trying to keep busy to not think about it, but it’s proving impossible. 

Anxiety Health Mental health Uncategorized

My local psychiatric hospital, and recovery college. 

Much to my suprise my local psychiatric hospital are starting a new project, called the recovery college. 

I was surprised to see some friends on Facebook had liked some of there posts. I didn’t even know they had a Facebook page. But it’s brilliant, it targets more of an audience. And the posts which are being posted are really good. Here is one of the posts. I feel this is a massive step in order to help more people and get mental health talked about. 

Also a celebrity attended the opening last week. Which I think is great for publication.