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I’ve moved in with my parents.

Ok so an overdue update…

I’ve moved back in to the family home in my 20’s this feels like a major set but but it’s not, I’m doing this as it’s best for me and my mental health.

I’m taking responsibility.

It’s going ok. I’m hoping to get some craft things finished and spend time with my family.

My cats haven’t moved in because their dog would eat/hurt them so I’m going back every day to spend time with them and feed them of course.

It’s going ok, it’s only been one full day but I think it’s ok, I struggle at night with wanting to go home but it’s ok I know I can if I want too and it’s a few minutes away in the car.

This is the best for my mental health. While I get myself back on track.

I’m finding old things difficult again though my eating is changing, I used to have anorexia and a few things have brought back those negative feelings. And there is a lot of stress at the moment but I’m dealing with these by trying to eat even though I don’t want too and I’m listening to mindfulness podcasts on Spotify.

I’m finding these really helpful the positives are my drinking alcohol has decreased and my mood has increased.

I’m determined to loose some weight while I’m here and I think I can, but I think I need to remember that I’m trying to do it to be healthy and not anorexic again.

How are you all? Xx

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Anxiety borderline personality disorder bpd delusions eating disorder Emotionally unstable personality disorder Emotions Health Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychosis Schizophrenia self harm Therapy

DBT booklet arrived.

I’ve been very lucky over the years to have received NHS and private therapy.

But I’ve never tried DBT, I’ve heard it’s good especially for people with EUPD and BPD.

I have EUPD and I’m hoping I can work through this booklet and teach myself.

I really want to have a positive life and I feel this is taking the next step as well as being in control of my own safety.

Have you tried it?

Do you think I could do it on my own by going through the booklet?

I had a first look and it looks like it might be really helpful but it looked complicated, and for someone who did well in GCSE I thought I could understand it but it’s harder than I thought.

I can do this, can’t i?

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alpaca Animals Mental health recovery Therapy

Friday 13th update. 🐓 🦙

This is my chicken I caught and named.


Today I stepped things up a notch.

I drove to anormal therapy. That’s the first time, so I went from support worker taking me then carer, then taxi then bus now I’m free to drive myself there!

Little steps all count. It all adds up to positive changes.

I’m quite proud of myself if I’m honest.

My dad said he was proud of me too, that meant so much too me!

Recovery is worth it, things are going well but of course there are tough times but I can do this. I know I can!

💫 I’m going to do this! 💫

Alpaca 🦙 from therapy!
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Mental health mental health blogger

First yoga class

It was so relaxing!

I was so anxious at first, but once I got in to it it was really relaxing! I go really tired and exhausted but at least I went, I definitely want to go again. I plan to next week.

I’m currently at creative writing, waiting for it to start.

Have a drink while waiting for it to start.

I feel so exhausted at the moment. Wish I could sleep, but can’t.

I think I’m starting to go down and that scares me. I’ve been on a up ward climb for a few weeks and now I think I’m filling cracking!

I’m exhausted, eating so much, gaining all the weight I lost, hardly getting any decent sleep, anxious, and getting really frustrated.

This is such a rollercoaster ride, mental illness is exhausting!

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Mental health

Struggling so much.

I’m seriously struggling so much recovery and living is so difficult.

Drinking to forget life!
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So exciting, but worrying…

I’m worried because…

My work experience don’t keep records of work experience, so that will be a problem.

In case they can’t get hold of my references.

I don’t have a copy of my old contracts because I wasn’t given one.

I’m worried in case they cant use my driving licence that is out of date on the CRB check?

Does anyone know if you can?

I really hope I get this job, I think it’s the biggest step in my life and I need to stay positive!

It’s a positive Steph that I received this letter this morning!

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anorexia Anxiety exercise Food i did it Medication Mental health Over weight Overweight Weight weight loss weightloss

1st December… that came along quick.

I’ve got just over a month too loose thee weight. I have to be determined, I won’t loose the weight if I carry on eating and drinking the way I have been. I need to be strong and discipline myself.

I weigh 144.2lbs. I know fat and gross. I will loose this weight.

First good decision was to not have those biscuits this morning. And I’m planning on going to the gym. I can do this.

44 days… Any support will be very much welcomed.

“I believe I can therefore I will!”

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Mental health

Weekend break.

I’m in Wales, had s lovely time sightseeing.

It was really needed break.

Shame you can have a break from mental illness, something my doctor gets confused with, he says “you went on holiday why do you still believe your being spied on?”

It’s difficult for people to understand what they can’t see.

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Mental health

Went to the beach.

Beautiful shells I found while having a rest on the beach.

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anorexia Anxiety Carer Cpn Daily update delusions depression Disappointment Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations Health healthy hospital Medication Mental health Mental health act Nhs Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis scared Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Support worker Therapy Voices

What is a day like on an acute psychiatric ward?

I bet you won’t believe this is an acute psychiatric ward, but let me tell you what this ward is like.

It is a secure locked acute psychiatric ward. It’s where you go if you are quite mentally unwell.
At about 7am we all get woken for breakfast, but honestly most of us go back to sleep, throughout the night someone checks on us every hour, it depends which staff do the checks some just look through the glass frosted window others do that and turn the full bright light on. Helpful I know. Sleep is important to recovery. 

Anyway after that its medication time around 9 am, I like getting there early to miss the cue of 19 other patients.

Then if we want escorted leave we can go to a planning meeting, for a member of staff and a time to be set for escorted leave, which means a member of staff has to come with you, especially if your on a section, for your first few leaves.

There are a lot of Alarms going off, basically if a member of staff who’s doing the hourly checks on patients sees something worrying or bad like agitation or self harm, the alarm will be pulled it’s on every member of staffs keyring, and then staff go running to the room where the alarm was pulled. Usually there’s a lot of shouting especially if the alarm was pulled for someone trashing their room. These alarms happen a lot and are very unsettling.


Then there is visiting time.

Then Lunch, which is usually be pre made sandwiches.

Then Medication again. 

Sometimes if the Occupational therapist is in she will come and open the art room, so we can do something creative or if it’s the day the dog comes in we will pet the dog.

There are also Three tv rooms, one massive one then two more private ones. But if you want to change the channel good luck trying to find the remote.

There are Two quiet rooms

To your surprise we have our own bedroom with own shower/toilet/ sink. With a paper curtain, no doors and a shelf for clothes. We can have a personal key to lock it. We can access it at any time day or night.
Windows strong and mental so can’t get out


There is a beautiful garden which can be accessed through the canteen or through the large to room. It’s got really high metal fences, and there are flower arrangements which are so pretty.

Visiting hours are very strict your only allowed in the dinning room, and through to the garden or the Hub which is a oval shaped room in the middle of the ward, there is sofas, chairs, tables and a table tennis table. It’s pretty relaxed in there. There are three visiting hours a day.

I stress so much about ward round, the days and times are changed nearly every week. It’s very unsettling. I’ve also now been told my consultant is off for two weeks, causes so much anxiety. In ward round your able to talk about possible medication changes, any side effects from medications and about possible leave/discharge.

You can come in to the hospital two ways. Under a Sectioned or as a Voluntary patient. The main difference is leave, if you have chose to be here you can go out on leave alone a lot more than if you are sectioned. Also if your voluntary then you can ask to discharge your self, they can say no and if you still adiment your going, they can section you. I feel there isn’t too much difference.

Leave can be given by your consultant if your sectioned and most likely it will be escorted leave, someone with you at all times. But if your in here voluntary then you can just ask the nurses if you can go when you want between 10am and 8pm, sometimes they may say no and if you are still wanting to go they can section you for a few hours/day to prevent you leaving the ward.

Cleaners come round everyday. They are meant to hoover, and mop the floor and clean the bathroom. And also they do the communal areas too.

Everyday your meant to be offered your One to one with your named nurse for that day.

Care plan is given to you when you’ve been on the ward a few days and the nurses, doctors and consultants can have an input on what needs to be worked on while on the ward and things you may need help with.

Observation levels will depend on how much of a risk the staff think you are. These can change from being 2:1 which is two staff with you at all times. Then 1:1 which is one stag always with you, then level 3 this means every 15 ministers your meant to be checked on, or level 4 is when your checked on hourly. These are good opportunities to ask the staff for help if you aren’t brace enough to leave your room.

What you can and cant have here…

They are very strict about what you can and can’t have. I’m not going to go in to detail because I don’t want to give others any ideas.

Around the ward there are really nice pictures. I think there meant to give hope and to show you beauty.

The ward I was in your allowed to have phones but they get charged in a cupboard.

I know all wards are different, so there may not be the same things I’ve described.

I hope you all stay well and I’m here if you need to talk.