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Anxiety depression Emotions family Lonely Medication Mental health mental health blogger scared self harm spying Voices

I feel so alone!

I know there is people around me but I don’t feel able to be open and talk about everything that is currently bothering me.

I’m really struggling right now.

I don’t want to bring anyone down with me.

Feeling really low.

Categories
family Mental health

I just don’t fit in.

At my family house and they knew I was coming over but they only made dinner for them and my sisters.

It’s hurt me that I wasn’t included

Now my sister just looked over my shoulder and read the above. I feel really upset by this.

She said that it’s my choice and it makes her feel left out when I go to the beach and days out.

I’m sat here with my family, feeling really left out and it’s all my fault.

One of my other sisters is ignoring me about photos of my niece, she said that she wanted me to do a scrap book about this year but every time I ask for the photos she ignores me.

Categories
Mental health

Quick question… am I invisible to my family?

Why am I never invited to join my family on days out?

I just wish they would consider me, is that wrong of me?

I’m sorry for being selfish.

Categories
Mental health mental health blogger

You have no idea how much emotional pain I’m in.

I’m really struggling, can you not see that.

Am I here, can you see me.

Can you hear my thoughts.

Can you save me,

Please.

Categories
Anxiety Mental health Mental health act

I’m no one to everyone… does that make sense??

I’m sat here alone yet I have so many people around me. Does this make any sense.

I hate Myself so much.

Please leave me to rot and die alone.

Categories
Mental health Miscarriage

Not long ago…was the day I can hopefully get rid of the guilt about killing my brother.

I’m sorry. You were just asleep.

And

Mum told me I killed you.

I’m sorry it’s 15 years ago, i wish I could have been there and said a good bye then. But I didn’t take that option.

It was such a special memorial. The weather was shining and the wind stoped while we where at his grave side. We lit a candle and it stayed lite through out the service.

I was able to read a poem I wrote for him. Listen to two songs that mean so much to me and connect me and my brother.

I feel some comfort, a feather came down at the beginning of the service. Which I think it was my brother saying he is there for me and the service is the right time and I feel forgiven to some extent. I will always have the guilt I’ve me but I love you. Xx

Categories
Mental health

Left out?

I’ve been getting on well with my family, which is a big difference to how it’s been in the past.

But I’m still not good enough. For them, or who I should be.

I’m useless, what do I bring to this family? NOTHING!

They are all pretending It’s okay me being at there’s but, im still the only one without s key, im not allowed to take photos of my niece and I haven’t gave them a child so I’m less worthy or I haven’t given them something to be proud of me for.

I feel low, but oh well!

Categories
Mental health

Why mum why?

I went over my parents to say hi, and my niece was asleep in the buggy. Dad asked me to let him know when she wakes up. Because mum was getting her hair cut in the kitchen, and dad was meant to be looking after her.

Well 10 minutes after he went outside with my cousin she woke up. My youngest sister called to dad to say she was awake but he did hear and it was a nice opportunity to spend some time with my niece.

So when she woke up and started to cry I got her out of her buggy and played with her toys in the front room. She was happy to lay there with her toys and me talking to her. But mum being mum comes in like a “hero” takes her off me and goes to “show” her off to their friend the hairdresser and our cousin.

I’m angry at this as I don’t get much time with my niece and it was quality time. And I told mum she was fine with me!

Yes I’m really angry at my mum, there was no need for it. It’s made me angry and left feeling like I need to harm.

Another point for mum making me feel worthless.

Categories
Mental health

I feel everything I do or say is wrong.

I don’t know why, I just feel every thing I do or say is wrong.

I feel bad.

Categories
Emotions family Mental health

My brothers shelf. 

Here is some beautiful ornaments for my brother. He has a shelf in my front room, I have not included some with his personal details, although they are beautiful. But I want to keep them private. 

I lost my baby brother 13 years ago. It was a miscarriage, I feel responsible for his death, from the stress I caused my mum. 

Sleep peacefully beautiful brother. 💙