So about four weeks ago I was sectioned after 4 mental health Acts in a month or so.
Things got bad real quick.
I do admit now that it was probably because I messed around with medication, then kept forgetting and then drinking too much alcohol, and then not being able to control the voices and attempting to take my life in so many different ways, and too many times.
I was then sectioned which was horrible.
I hated every second of it.
I was restrained and injected 3 times, because of refusing medication, I was too scared to move, eat or even talk to the staff.
It was a terrifying 3 and a bit weeks.
They finally discharged me yesterday after wardround on Thursday. With the agreement I was going to my parents. I think the staff thought I was staying there for the weekend, there were phone calls between my dad and nurses and I think we all got a bit confused.
Either way I’ve been at my parents on and off. I find it so stressful here and looking forward to going home tomorrow and staying there on my own for a bit.
I was hoping someone would comment on my weight considering I’ve lost quite a lot since they all saw me a month ago, but no. So I guess I’m still a fat ugly creature.
I need to work on my weight so much now as I’ve been told quite a bit if news one that I can currently share and that is my DBS check came through the post with nothing wrong with it. I was scared with my recent police sections 136, being on there but luckily it’s all clear!!!!! So hopefully I can start my job soon I’m just scared as I think I’ve lost my driving license for 3 months until I can prove I’m stable. But I’m still hoping to start my job as soon as possible.
I’m hoping so much that this will all work out but with the amount of stress I already feel and how scared, worked up and confused I am I’m not sure I can get through this.
Surely it has to get better from here?
The crisis team were meant to be calling or visiting but haven’t heard from them at all.
Then I think next week my cpn is calling Monday and then the dreaded depot of medication on tuesday.
Honestly, I’m not even sure I’m going to go and have it. I don’t want to be injected and I hate the fact it’s out of my control. I’m going to ask if I can go back to the tablet form. They can’t force me to have the depot now that I’m not sectioned!
But for now I just need to try and get through this next hour, or even minute.
I need to get things back on track, surely things can only get better from here?
All I do is look through my phone by the end of this i will have phone prints on my hands.
I’m scared it’s scary dealing with all this uncertainty on your own,
I’m bored what should I do?
I have so much I could do but how do I get the motivation to actually do it????
I feel I’m not doing enough to help others.
I can’t get out to do my own shopping and there are no delivery slots available, but luckily today my cousin has offered to do it.
Honestly so scared with this situation, I know people keep saying it’s simple all your being asked to do is stay at hone. How can I feel safe though, how can I not feel alone, how can I not escape this reality I’m living in!
All my life I’ve been betrayed. When I was younger my parents used to look through my diary without my permission, that’s the one place. I used to feel able too express how I was feeling until that got taken away from me then it was my phone behind my back then used as a punishment, then my school work. I only found out about some of these because there are photo copies of my diary and school work in my mental health records when I requested them. I now have photo copies of everything my parents did behind my back. No wonder I don’t feel I can be honest or open up to anyone.
I can not trust anyone. Every time I think I can, I find out I can’t.
Then when I had my own place my cousin would go through my phone. I only found out one night because Siri accidentally went off. I mean how wrong is that. I thought I could trust him.
I did a poll on my Instagram and 54 people said it’s not ok! I think that says it all.
So next time someone says why can’t you trust anyone! Here is why.
I hate that it will effect me for the rest of my life.
I know I need to get past the anger and move on but HOW?
I don’t know how to. I’ve been betrayed my whole life and now I have to live in fear of my privacy always being taken away from me.
Any ideas of how to get feelings and emotions out when you have no privacy?