school – 💫 Rosie’s Mental Health Journey 💫

My youngest sister still goes too the secondary school I used to go too, and she had parents evening last week.

My past teacher gave my mum a message to pass on to me!

This started alarm bells ringing! Thinking I had done something wrong!

But it was the opposite…….

She said to my mum…

“How’s my favourite girl doing?”

And

“Give her a big hug. I won’t because it would scared her.”

I used to have a massive fear of this teacher but at the same time the biggest bond!

I think the fear came from being paranoid that she was going to kill me along with a few other teachers. But now looking back I can see this was just one of my delusions from the schizophrenia.

I used to see her a a mum figure as I was able to talk to her about personal things and she understood.

I wish I could get back in touch with her, but wouldn’t know how!

If you ever come across this blog post I’d like to leave a message for you!

To one of the best teachers ever,

thank you so much for helping me get in touch with my religion again,

thank you for helping me get good grades and inspiring me to help others.

I’m sorry I was scared of you, I had no need to be.

I really wish I could see you to give you that big hug!

Best wishes.

Why is my mental age lower than my actual age.

I believe my mental age is still lower than my actual age, but in the past I had a test to show what my brain/mind age was.

Things got in the way of when I was growing up that stoped my brain/ mind developing at the same rate as my body.

I was always a very anxious child.

My childhood protected in to home, there no exploring out of the house, or going out with friends. I believe this made my mind/brain age be effected.

When I was 11-13 years old, I started puberty, I hated this and I wanted to stay a child so stopped eating anorexia, which lead to me being diagnosed with anorexia. At the same time my sister who was three was diagnosed with cancer, and my brother died. This was so much stress and anxiety. I wanted to stay young, I didn’t want to grow up.

I wouldn’t let my mind grow up. When I was 15 I had to go to a separate school after my usual school to help with my dyslexia, here they did a test to check my mind age, I was 15 at the time of the test, but it showed I had a mind age of 10-11. I loved this as I thought I was actually successful at getting younger from not eating and not letting myself grow up.

Wish now I would act and dress my age and that my priorities would be different. I like it that I can sit and play with my sister who’s 10 comfortably but it would be nice to have the grown up talks with my sisters and parents.

I still feel in 15-16 even though I’m 10 years older than I feel. I wonder what my actual mind age is, how do I get it tested?