So about four weeks ago I was sectioned after 4 mental health Acts in a month or so.
Things got bad real quick.
I do admit now that it was probably because I messed around with medication, then kept forgetting and then drinking too much alcohol, and then not being able to control the voices and attempting to take my life in so many different ways, and too many times.
I was then sectioned which was horrible.
I hated every second of it.
I was restrained and injected 3 times, because of refusing medication, I was too scared to move, eat or even talk to the staff.
It was a terrifying 3 and a bit weeks.
They finally discharged me yesterday after wardround on Thursday. With the agreement I was going to my parents. I think the staff thought I was staying there for the weekend, there were phone calls between my dad and nurses and I think we all got a bit confused.
Either way I’ve been at my parents on and off. I find it so stressful here and looking forward to going home tomorrow and staying there on my own for a bit.
I was hoping someone would comment on my weight considering I’ve lost quite a lot since they all saw me a month ago, but no. So I guess I’m still a fat ugly creature.
I need to work on my weight so much now as I’ve been told quite a bit if news one that I can currently share and that is my DBS check came through the post with nothing wrong with it. I was scared with my recent police sections 136, being on there but luckily it’s all clear!!!!! So hopefully I can start my job soon I’m just scared as I think I’ve lost my driving license for 3 months until I can prove I’m stable. But I’m still hoping to start my job as soon as possible.
I’m hoping so much that this will all work out but with the amount of stress I already feel and how scared, worked up and confused I am I’m not sure I can get through this.
Surely it has to get better from here?
The crisis team were meant to be calling or visiting but haven’t heard from them at all.
Then I think next week my cpn is calling Monday and then the dreaded depot of medication on tuesday.
Honestly, I’m not even sure I’m going to go and have it. I don’t want to be injected and I hate the fact it’s out of my control. I’m going to ask if I can go back to the tablet form. They can’t force me to have the depot now that I’m not sectioned!
But for now I just need to try and get through this next hour, or even minute.
I need to get things back on track, surely things can only get better from here?
There has been lots of tears, restraints, injections, prn, and anxiety but I’m starting to feel better.
Last Tuesday they decided they were going to give me the depot of haloperidol instead of the daily injections that were causing me so much distress.
It’s only 4 days after and I feel a difference already, the voices have died down, I’m no longer following there commands about harming myself or not eating.
I hadn’t eaten in 2 and a half weeks due to the voices telling me the food was poisoned, but since the depot I’ve managed to start eating, i did loose 20 lbs in the weeks that I wasn’t eating, I am scared that now I’m going to put all that weight back on but now I’ve got an even bigger reason to loose as much weight as I can now.
I had appealed my section called a Tribunal but I didn’t win it as I’m still here. It was horrible listening to them all talk about me and what’s wrong with me and why I’m not safe. An because of covid we were all on the phone, so we couldn’t see each other. Anyway I lost and I’m still here under section 2.
I have had a lot of falling out with my family since being in here, I hate the fact that they go behind my back to get information about me and my care when it clearly states on my notes not to share any information with them. Why should I? They never tell me when my team have been in touch with them. It’s horrible knowing everyone is going behind my back, it’s my cate talk to me!!!!
Ward round went well on Thursday, the consultant said I can be discharged this week coming. Which I’m happy about but I don’t think it’s going to be as simple as waking up tomorrow, packing and walking out the door, they have been talking about a CTO, which would mean I have to have another mental health act assessment and put on section 3 just to be put on a CTO.
My understanding of the CTO is that if I refuse the depot or mental health declines than I can be brought back in to hospital under section 3 automatically. Which is scary.
On Friday I went on my first escorted leave since arriving nearly 3 weeks ago. It was so nice to get out, the rain stopped for us and a nurse that I trust and get on well with took me. We had a really good chat. She also supported me to get my first meal here. Which I’m so great full for.
The occupational therapist spent some one to one time with me and she painted my nails. Gave me a sheet to colour and a puzzle to do in my room.
So as it stands now. I’m hopefully going home one day this week, I hope it’s really soon as I can’t wait to see my cats, sleep in my own bed and have a shave.
It’s amazing the difference one medication can make. I feel like a different person.
I will admit I didn’t realise I’ve been here this long, and luckily I don’t remember much about the distressing times.
Hopefully I will be home soon and back on the life I want to lead.
I’ve moved to my family home for a while while the lock down is on.
I feel lonely at my flat, I was struggling with my mental health and to keep myself safe but, at my parents I feel just as bad but sometimes worse sometimes better. But either way right now there is no good choice.
I’m struggling so much with
disorder eating thoughts,
the voices, although Gods talking to me is reassuring,
I’m struggling with a lot.
I’m not sure what to do to help.
Sticking to healthy eating,
Drinking less alcohol, although I find sometimes drinking alcohol helps,
Using things in my self soothe box,
Calling the mental health team,
Using the prn I was given,
Using cbd oil,
Relaxation playlist on Spotify,
Podcasts on relaxation and breathing,
Is there anything else I can try, I’m seriously struggling and and help would be appreciated?
What I need to do while I’m at my parents is…
Ignore the negative comments,
Ignore the negative behaviour,
Ignore the sarcastic comments and faces,
Ignore the attention seeking behaviour from others around me.
Things will be tough while I’m here but it’s ok, it won’t be forever, I need to remember that.