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I’m repulsed!

I’ve done it, but not in a good way! I’ve hit obese with my weight!

I’ve never been more angry at myself!

I’m disgusted!

I gained a stone in one month!!!!!

I know I was in hospital but that’s no excuse!

I hate myself!

So today is the day I start to loose all of that and as fast as possible.

I will stick to this plan. I have NO choice!

I will

  • fast for as long as possible,
  • drink lots of water,
  • do my steps and get more steps each day,
  • Be active, no more sitting on the bed all day,
  • Be motivated,
  • Keep track of my weight each day,

I knew I was finding things harder, like bending down, moving, doing daily activities.

But I never knew or guessed I was this fat!

Honestly how stupid am I!

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“You’ve lost weight but it’s not enough to notice!”

I’ve just been told this!

I went out with my sister and niece/ God daughter to a play group.

It was good I haven’t seen them in two weeks so she hasn’t seen me in about two weeks. I’ve lost a fair amount of weight In that time.

What I heard in my head is her saying…

“You’ve lost a little weight but your still hugh! Your fat and need to loose more.”

She didn’t say that but I guess that’s what I want to hear to fule my obsession about loosing weight it gives me an extra motivation.

Mental health

I’m fighting with myself today.

I’ve woke up hating myself and body.

I hate the way I look, I hate the voices I hear, I hate the things I see. Why is it so difficult to love yourself?

I’m fat,

I hate the scars all over my body,

I hate the voices,

I hate being told I have mental illness,

I hate taking medication.

Where’s the good?

There’s not one thing I like about myself.