Mental health spying

SPYders (aka-spiders) outside my flat!

I’m serious, these spyders were outside my flat.

I can see the cameras on thier backs.

I know they are spying on me tats why they are called SPYders, instead of spiders!

I’m being spied on.

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Another one spying on me!!!!

I’m really scared!

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Spyder! I’m still being spied on at my family’s home!

I’m not safe anywhere!

I’m scared every where!

I want to be safe!!

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Ok what’s going on?

I’m seeing spiders again.

Are they real?

What’s going on I’m scared.

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Scared in my own flat.

As soon as I wake up the voices are talking and warning me about potential harm. It's not like in the films when waking up is dreamy and the sun shining through the window and perfectly dressed with make up. It's also not like the dramatic horror films.

I'm scared to be by the windows, I like trying to hide in the corner, I move my furniture around in a way that the window isn't directly shining on where I could or want to sit. But I know no where is safe, the spyders can reach all the places people can't. They are able to hide better.

I had planned to go to a local church, the voices are saying I will be safe there away from all the people spying on me. But I'm too scared to get there, and there are windows in the church, will I be safe? Is that where God will protect me?

I keep seeing the spyders more, I can see there eyes piercings through my body.

The shadows are drifting past the doors, there's no way I can relax. I'm so anxious because I don't really know what harm I am in.

How can I keep myself safe in my own flat? I can't escape from the voices, but why are the voices warning me about people wanting to harm me but they want me to harm myself and get closer to God/death.

I really don't believe I can die, which makes me push the boundaries of life and death in my own body. It's kinda an experiment. The thought of not being able to die scares me, I don't want to be left here, watching all those I love die around me. I won't cope with that.

I would really appreciate some time to myself, with no voices, no visions, and not being scared.

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Just in case you think i have spelt spiders wrong or that you dont know what a spyder is, i will explain. 

Spyders are spiders but they are more robotic than the usual spiders you see in the uk. These ones are surveillance cameras, which carry cameras and recorders. This is so the goverment and my care team can keep a closer eye on me and try to get my dna. They thought I wouldn’t notice but i have. I also try to kill them but they are too fast or that they disappear. They are really scary, and my care team knew i was scared of spiders so it was there perfect opportunity and they are small enough to fit in to places which i cant see or reach.