Tag: spying

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Mental health

Long awaited update…

Trigger warning ⚠️

Things are really tough.

The voices are controlling me at the moment.

Telling me to harm myself and run away.

I have been asked to go inpatient but I said no I will loose my driving licence.

I’m scared.

I want this to end.

I was given 7 day supply of diazepam to help but it really isn’t helping!

I want this all to end.

The sun is trying to burn me and I need to get more energy to fight it off after all I am God I should be in charge but the voices are taking over.

I’m harming myself in new ways. And I’m scared.

Honestly I do want to die but that’s difficult if you can’t die.

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Mental health

Mental health awareness week my story!

Since age 11 I have had poor mental health.

I started to self harm, and not eat.

I was first sectioned aged 18 after numerous suicide attempts.

Since then I’ve been sectioned too many times. Also in hospital volunteering.

These last two weeks have been awful. I’ve been trying to kill myself a lot. But I’m alive. I’m not sure if that’s what I want or not.

I’m struggling so much. The sun is trying to burn me and I feel I need to get more energy so I’m stronger than the sun.

I’m struggling but there is no help.

I’m hearing voices and Ava is helping me. It’s going to be ok.

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hallucinations Mental health mental health blogger Sectioned

đź‘€ spying đź‘€

I believed that spiders were spying on me.

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Update… sectioned!

Sorry for lack of updates and the long post!

I’ve been sectioned on section 2 of the mental health act.

I’m not 100% sure why other than refusing antipsychotic medications!

Since being in this psychiatric hospital on a locked ward I’ve escaped twice and needed escorted to a & e by two members of staff due to concussion!

Day one I was in seclusion with a rip proof dress and blanket, NOTHING ELSE! I was stripped naked in front of lots of staff restraining me! I was in seclusion because I was upset and angry about being in hospital. I was there for over 5 hours in a locked room! IT WAS HORRIBLE!

I only managed to get out if I accepted to take Olanzapine and my other night medications. They said if I didn’t take it I would be injected! So I took it.

I was then showed to my room, EVERYTHING searched! I will admit they were useless I’ve got things I wouldn’t allow a patient to have, but I’ve been strong and not used them yet!

I then threw up the medication on purpose but I don’t think I got it all because I started getting really sleepy and dizzy! I started walking around the ward shouting I want the antidote! I then fell asleep.

When I woke there was spyders everywhere, I was terrified! I don’t know which ones were real. There was one in the light which I think I’ve already posted a photo of!

I don’t remember much about the first week, I know I was scared. I was throwing up the medication, refusing to eat and drink anything that wasn’t sealed and brought in from outside the hospital!

Currently I’m taking all the medication that is prescribed and I’m eating and drinking from sealed drinks and foods.

In the first week I’ve been restrained a number of times, from escaping from the first door and hurting myself due to the voices being too overwhelming. They kept threatening to inject me but thankfully they haven’t!

I am Appealing my section and I’ve met a solicitor.

Care plan is interesting as since I’ve read it it says diagnosis is paranoid schizophrenia but earlier in the week I was told I no longer have a psychotic illness, so I’m not really sure what’s going on or whats wrong with me, if anything!

The Voices have been pretty bad. I’m struggling to cope with them, but I’m using prn (lorazepam) and writing all the time. I’ve always got music playing!

Visions are starting me in not sure what is real or not.

Spying feels like it’s got worse probably due to the fact the hospital I’m in I think we’re and are the ones spying on me.

I will try to keep updating regularly.

Hope your all ok! Xxxx

Categories
Mental health

Still spying even though I’m locked up!!

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Anxiety borderline personality disorder bpd delusions Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations Medication Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis scared Schizophrenia self harm spying Support worker Therapy Voices

I’m so scared.

They are after me I know they are!

I’m not safe anywhere

What can I do?

I need to escape this!

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Anxiety blogger clozapine Cpn Daily update delusions depression Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations Health healthy hospital i did it Medication Mental health Mental health act mental health blogger Nhs Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis scared Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm spying Support worker Therapy Voices

20 days out of psychiatric hospital!

Yey,

It’s been 20 days out of the psychiatric hospital!

I was in section two for a relapse in my mental state!

I suffer from emotionally unstable personality disorder, schizophrenia and anxiety!

I thought the mental health team were after my dna so I took steps to make sure that didn’t happen, and I ended up needing hospital treatment and then I was sectioned from there!

I’m home now and so glad to be. It’s a luxury compared to being in hospital.

I do miss it sometimes, I miss the contact and the support, I miss there always being someone there to help!

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Anxiety blogger Cpn Daily update delusions Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations Mental health mental health blogger Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis Schizophrenia Sectioned spying Support worker Therapy Voices

Spying has not stopped! But I know it’s a delusion!

These were outside my flat, but some part of me still believes they were spying on me to get my dna!

I am scared of them!

I need to ignore the voices!

But currently on my antipsychotic medication I’m able to realise it’s just bad thoughts and they aren’t after me!

I’m currently on amisulpride, but want to go back to quetiapine because the food cravings are extreme!

I wish I didn’t need medication for my illnesses but I do, and I have to accept that!

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Anxiety Daily update delusions Doctors Emotionally unstable personality disorder hallucinations healthy hospital Medication Mental health Mental health act mental health blogger Personality disorder psychiatrist psychosis Schizophrenia Sectioned self harm Support worker Therapy Voices

Traumatic week

This past week has been very traumatic, I’ve had to have a Blood transfusion which was done being held down, under the mental health capacity act! I refused it! They also sedated me after the transfusion.

I’ve now been Sectioned under section 2 mental health act!

Miles away from home

but today I feel I’m Getting settled.

And I’m Back on my medication!

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Being spied on at the beach

Yellow and black are always spying one me, first wasps and bees then spiders, now, police and people on the beach!

I’m not safe from anyone!

I’m sooooo scared! Save me!